Friday, November 18, 2005

Can You Fucking HEAR ME NOW, PISSFACE?!?!?!

Dear Love of My Life,

Answer your mother fucking cell phone you weasel-lipped cocksucking fruit loopy punk ass. It drives me absolutely batshit crazy when you don't answer.

Love,
Zube Girl

PS- I know that I'm stereotypically female when it comes to calling you during the day, but it's just nice to talk to you in between the church group leaders who are driving me their own special brand of crazy by cancelling 8 of 10 room reservations and still wanting to be considered a group, group rates and all. You're a welcome respite from the shit they call work. Sometimes.

PPS- Speaking of stereotypically female, I defy that often, too. Might I remind you that I gave Zig $50 bucks to buy your ass a lap dance at your bachelor party in VEGAS! And that time we went to Shotgun Willy's and damn, isn't it weird how strippers flock around the guy who's there with his girlfriend. That was fun as hell. I'm cool as shit and you should be DYING to hear from me during the day. I shouldn't even HAVE to be calling you! You should be all up my ass with the cell phone calls.

PPSS- I am also aware that sometimes you are busy what with polishing my tiara and fixing the hem on my Wonder-Wife cape, but when I'm calling you must drop EVERYTHING at once. Yes. Even if you are drawing my bath. I mean seriously, I might be calling you to tell you that I feel like soaking in LAVENDER instead of VANILLA as I'd previously requested. That's fucking important stuff right there.

PPPSS- Just answer your damn phone already.

A Bunch More P's and S's- I love you. I hope you're not mad that I called you a cocksucker.

20 Leg Humps:

Jess said...

hahaha ZubeBoy should be honored that wonderwife is calling him .. heh

junebee said...

And what, exactly, was his reply to this missive?

Betty said...

HAHAHA! Pissface. If that doesn't say "love", I don't know what does. :)

Phil said...

Gee, with all the lovey-dovey nicknames you used in that opening line, I wonder why he doesn't want to answer his phone . . . ;)

Phil
http://nomadechoes.blogdrive.com

Chickie said...

That shit drives me crazy too. What's the point of having a cell phone if you're not going to answer it?

Zube Girl said...

Jess- My thoughts exactly!

Junebee- Would you believe I just called him a minute ago and he answered after the first ring and said, "Hi! Are you surprised?" Methinks he was reading my blog.

Betty- Me neither. :-) Thanks for visiting.

Phil- He knows I speak out of love. He really does. (But, I'm going to be embarrassed as all hell if I get home from work and all my shit is on the porch!)

Chickie- I KNOW! I have no freakin' idea why the boy has a cell phone.

Amy said...

Auuugh!!! I HATE that! I called Mike at work last night (he worked LATE - REALLY LATE!) and he didn't answer for a couple of HOURS. Turned out he was talking to a co-worker and just couldn't be bothered to answer my call...

It was a COLD night in our bedroom, I can tell you that!

justdawn said...

AMEN to being driven batshit crazy by cocksucking husbands who don't answer their cell phones;)

Tessa said...

Criminy, do I identify with this one.

When my boyfriend does not answer I go through 3 stages:

1) Miffy miffedness.

2) What if he's skinny dipping in a cherry cola-filled jacuzzi with Heather Graham, right now?!

3) He's in a ditch. With his wrecked truck on top of him. His cell phone keeps ringing. But he can't hear it. Because he's dead.

Yes, I AM psycho. Thank you.

(:P)

Nancy said...

What drives me even crazier than him NOT answering is when he answers and obviously is not paying attention. AAGH!

lysie6211 said...

They NEVER pay attention cell phone or not...but then as soon as you start talking about them they get super sonic hearing like the bionic man or something....(and this from the single gal!)

Shane said...

you have such a way with words . . . I'm impressed ;)

Anduin said...

OMG! This is too fecking funny! It drives me nuts when my husband doesn't answer his cell phone. I mean what's the point in having one if he's not going to answer it? Geez.

Al said...

Uh ladies, it's a cell phone, not a bat phone!

Sorry Ms. Commissioner....

My new phone is the worst. I'm able to receive calls and email on it. Now I get to hear 'Why didn't you answer my call OR my email today????'

kyknoord said...

Weasel-lipped? Ouch! That's gotta hurt.

King Leo said...

Zube > One of my favorite friends is exactly the same! He always screens his call, never answers the home phone. I have tried withholding my friendship, but he makes me laugh too much and I NEED TO LAUGH.

Tessa > Miffy Miffedness? LOVE IT!

Zube Girl said...

Amy- Grr...It just really gets under my skin. It would've been cold in my bedroom, too!

JustDawn- Heh. We should start a club. My Husband is a Cocksucker. Then the boys could start one, too. I Wish My Wife Was a Cocksucerk.

Tessa- ME, TOO! We're both fucking nuts.

Nancy- Oh yes. And when he won't say, "I love you, too" because he's working and the boys will make fun of him.

Lysie- Yup. I hate that super-sonic hearing.

Shane- Do you like the F-word, too? You're my new best friend. ;-)

Anduin- I think they like to have them so that they can NOT answer them, and feel all powerful and sexy and shit when we're trying to get a hold of them.

Al- I need one of those cell phones for Zube Boy. Do I ever.

Kyknoord- Hee. I don't know where this stuff comes from. I start talking trash and it just starts to not make sense anymore.

Leo- I KNOW! But see, then he'll call my cell phone, and I'll be all pissed off so I won't answer. Then he'll just call my work line. And I have to answer. If only that fucker worked at a desk.

Chas Ravndal said...

even with all the Fs and Ss both of you are still sweet

dena said...

Found you through a visit at TJs. You come highly recommended, and I can understand why.

Oh, yes... whenever you get lucky enough to accompany your guy to the tittie bar, the strippers are all about the female in the joint. I think it's because they are so sick of looking at stupid men and their limp tongues with droplets of drool dropping into their laps.

Zube Girl said...

C.Jordan- Thank you.

Dena- Thanks for stopping by Dena. :-) TJ is one of my favorites, so for her to say such great things about me rocks!

I think you're right about the strippers, too. It's probably a welcome respite to have a kooky couple to entertain rather than a drooling nasty dude, as you say.

 

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