Peeing...It's Not Just For Boys to Put Out Campfires Anymore!

I found this little packet in with one of my ovulation predictor tests...


It sucks that you can't eat the little pop-rock thingies inside the packet. For a minute there I thought, "What a GREAT fucking idea! Not ONLY will I be able to pee on a stick and find out if I'm ovulating, but I'll be able to enjoy pop-rocks all the while. It's genius, no? Anyway, it would be kind of cool if they inserted a can of soda and some edible pop-rocks into the ovulation predictor test packaging. 'Cause then I could, like, find out if I'm ovulating AND disprove an urban legend. All at once. Just like that. Talk about multi-tasking.

Wanna see what Zube Boy does? Okay...





Do you SEE that mud?!?! Really, I should have taken a picture of Zube Boy, but sometimes husbands are kind of like pets with the being photogenic thing when there is no camera anywhere to be found. Suffice it to say that he entered the house (I recognized the eyes) through the laundry room and wasn't allowed to take a step further until he stripped down to his boxers and undershirt. Heh. COVERED IN MUD, I say.

We had an awesome Memorial Day weekend. Check out our campsite:



Here we are sittin' by the fire...(there were no grandmas to be found...not my grandma and not your grandma...in case you were wondering):


That homemade wine was fucking DELICIOUS! Wow.

Word to the wise: Remember to fill your tank before driving your pop-up camper pulling jeep up steep four wheel drive trails, because driving down that shit in neutral with your gas gauge reading '0 MILES TO EMPTY' is SCARY AS HELL at best. But, um, I made it. Thankfully.

Oh yeah, I took a picture of my ass to give to Rocky Jay because it would seem he's running low on ass shots. And since I'm such a great fucking sport, and I think there is an underrepresentation of girls with regular old asses in the world, here 'tis:



The End. Hee.

Love and Jeeps and Loving Jeeps...But Hating Crutches

I put a poem and photo in the local paper's Valentine's Day Love Notes section for my honey. I thought I'd share it with you.

Mike,

It’s our second Valentine’s Day
As husband and wife.
For the most part I’ve been
Fairly happy with life.

I’ve been thinking a little
About how we’ll endure
Without one of us killing the other
And stashing the body under the crawl space door.

I know you’d love
If I made you more cookies
And you’d probably be happy
If we made more, uh, nookie.

I promise to honor these wishes my dear.
I’ve got one request that I’d like you to hear.
For cookies and nookie don’t come for free.
All good things that come, they come for a fee.

So, when jeeps happen to flip over
Could you try not to be in them?
Or at least while they flip
Could you keep your foot in ‘em?

‘Cause ‘in sickness and health’ is a great promise in theory
And offroading is fun but the injuries grow weary.
As long as crutches remain a thing in your past
I think we can make this marriage of ours last.

Love,
Zube

On the (Off)Road Again...

Big black gimp shoe and all, I can't seem to keep him from offroading! Actually, it's kind of nice to see him getting out and about. The injury had him laying on the couch for a bit, so it's awesome to see my Zube Boy all mobile and shit. We've only got about a month before cold weather descends upon us up here in the mountains, so he might as well get in all the offroading he can.


His crutches are hidden somewhere in the car. I tried to get him to show them off, but he wasn't having it!


I must say, Zube Boy looks pretty damn happy to be out o' the prison, erm, I mean, house!

The Hillbilly's, Erm, Zube's Hit the Trails...

Here we have Zube Boy at the wheel, Zube Girl navigating, and Zack, uh, standing there waiting for something exciting to happen.








Our entourage consisted of three vehicles total. We were in the rear. Heh.














It was a fairly shitty day, considering it's the month of freakin' JULY. But who needs sunshine when you've got fucking hail. Anyway...









There were some sketchy parts that freaked out Zube Girl's inner scaredy cat...











Zack gets annoyed with all the stopping. He's more of a 'Go Doggy Go' kind of dog. But, you know, sometimes you gotta pee!










"Honey, do you really think I can do it? I don't even know how to drive stick..."











"Sure you can...at least I hope you can, because there's no turning back now..."



Okay, I feel like a rock star, but unfortunately, it never looks as difficult in the pictures as it really is...Le sigh.

Whee! Happy Fourth of July! If you have a husband, I highly recommend doing something with him that quells the urge to smack him upside the head. In celebration of a holiday, of course...

Feeling High...So High...

Zube Boy: How are you doing, honey.

Zube Girl: (Whimpers)

Skelton: How high* d'ya think we are?

ZB: (Proceeding to drive closer up to the edge) Probably 1,500 or 2,000 feet. Look at that power line tower. It seems more like a pine needle. Honey? You should look, it's a really pretty view.

ZG: Oh my God. Oh my God. Please don't do that.

ZB: Do what?

ZG: (Breathing heavy) Drive so close to the edge when I'm on the passenger side! Stay close to the left.

S: Damn, you really do get scared, don't you.

ZB: Yeah, but she better not do that to our kids. Getting them all scared of heights, too. Yelling at them when they climb all high...

ZG: Can we discuss this at another time.

S: Dude, you guys are gonna be awesome parents. In a fucked up kind of way.

ZB: (Pulling so far over to the left that the jeep starts to tilt my way. Toward the cliff.)

ZG: (Leaning all of my body weight toward the superunderstanding driver, cause, you know, my 125 pounds are gonna keep the jeep from rolling down 1,500 Ft.) Seriously. I hate you.

ZB: (Begins driving normally) Hey, Zubes, your leg is shaking. Geez. Are you okay?

ZG: (Laughing and crying at the same time) I told you, honey. I'M FUCKING SCARED! OKAY. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Right now my brain is like, "Hey, body, so we're gonna fall 1,500 feet any second now. Whaddya think 'bout that?" And my body's reacting like, "Well, fuck, we might as well jump and get this shit over with." That's what it's like living in my head when you're on a cliff. My hands are the only part of me doing the right thing now, and hanging on for dear life. Okay. So, be nice.

S: Dude, she's really scared. Be nice.

ZG: Thank you, Skelton.

ZB: Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was like that. You'll be okay.

It is well known among our off-roading comrades that I'm a'scared of heights. I try to quell it and overcome it every chance I get and Cliffhanger Trail* in Moab was just another one of those opportunities.

There were three of us in Zube Boy's jeep. Zube Boy, Skelton, and myself. There were four cars total in our clan. We were returning from the top. Coming from that direction, and being able to see the precarious trail you'd driven up on made it, for some reason, all the more scary.

In addition, it put me in the jeep on the same side as the cliff.

Anyway, I survived. Honestly, it was an absolute BLAST!!! The top was breathtaking*. Charlotte held my hand as I made baby steps closer to the edge to do a little ooohing and ahhing of my own.

Really, the people in my life are so cool. They like to call me a scaredy cat, but then over the CB they'll chatter about nothing when the scary spots come up to take my mind off of it. And, each time we safely navigate our way through high spots, I'm hoping my mind will learn to shut the fuck up, a little. 'Til it's got no more bad things to say about being all high.

Anyway, our stinky, dirty, fabulous friends. That's what this weekend was all about.

Well, that, and peeing in a toilet surrounded only by a wooden fence, no roof, with just a chain you pulled across for a door. And, it didn't flush. But, hey, there was TP. And I didn't have to worry about peeing on my feet. So, big thanks to the Utah state park peoples. My feet love you.



*None of the photo links are of our entourage. Someday, oh someday, we'll get the right video card to be able to download the images from our video camera onto our computer.

Whee...

I'm going to Moab!

I'm out for the weekend ya'll!