I fucked up.
I needed to renew my license. Married 11 months ago, just now getting around to changing my name, cause, you know, I felt squicky about it. Still do, but that's another matter.
I had a free afternoon, and just wanted to get the whole deal over with. But first, I had to have a little argument in my head.
Zube Girl: I need to take a shower first and do my hair.
ZG: Dude, that never works. No matter how nice I try to look for driver's license photos, I've always looked incredibly asstastic. Why bother?
ZG: Yeah, but I should at least make a good faith effort.
ZG: Nope. Waste of time. I'll just go now, because it's already 2:00, and who knows how long I'll have to wait in line.
ZG: Well, I guess I do always look ugly no matter how I fluff and preen, so, yeah. Where's my keys?
ZG: Over on the counter, where you just set them, dumbass.
ZG: Oh. Duh!
HUGE MISTAKE PEOPLE! Please, learn from me. I thought, you know, how much uglier could I possibly look? Let me just warn you that, that's a question to which you DO NOT want to know the answer.
I never thought in a million years that I could look so...wow...I don't even know. I'm at a loss for words. Really.
Did you ever see the look on someone's face after they've unwittingly eaten a, ummm, a...worm, let's say? They appear kind of scared because that's just, ICK. A worm. Eww. At the same time, they're sort of, surprised, and maybe even a little bit delighted because it actually tastes kind of...yummy?
Me neither. But, after getting my license, I think I can imagine.
And. My. Hair. Oh goddess, what have I done. I have long hair, which is silly because I never. Ever. Ever. Wear it down. It's always in a bun, unless I'm trying to look nice for my driver's license picture or the company Christmas party.
Anyway, so I've got it in a bun. You know those little sticky outy hairs you get? The short ones in the front? Well, I've got two tufts of them sticking out. One by my ear on the left side. One on the top, just a little bit to the right.
It appears as though I don't have hair. Just a really dark head. With fluffs. Like a mane of sorts. Only, a sad, pathetic kind of mane. Jeebus.
Kind of like an "I am lion, hear me meow, and then watch me roll over and die" mane.
I've got to find some way to post that photo for you all. Seriously.
Lucky for me, it's valid until 2015. How fucking cool is that?
The moral is: You can, indeed, look uglier than you'd ever imagined.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
I fucked up.