Friday, July 01, 2005

Quit It, Or I'll Have Me Some Cat For Breakfast!

Dear Zander,

For the past six years, I've been feeding you roundabout the same time every morning. 7:30ish. Sure, this pattern has been interrupted here and there by the occassional boozefest, when Zube Boy and I embibe a little much, and stay in bed forever and ever, amen, but typically, I'm up at 7:00 or 7:30AM, even on weekends, and that's fucking early.

I'm curious as to why you cry and scratch at the bedroom door every mother fucking morning at 5:00AM? Seriously. Remember the time you did that and Mommy was so bitter that she opened the bedroom door, picked up your flailing clawy ass and sent you sailing out the back door? Actually, I'm pretty sure you remember, because when I open the bedroom door now, you haul ass down the hallway. Only to resume scratching as soon as I clamber back into bed.

I've taken to sleeping with a pile of shoes next to me. I guess the loud banging sound they make against the bedroom door scares you to bits. Only, last night, I forgot to move the pile of shoes by the bedroom door next to the bed before I went to sleep. So, all I had left in my arsenol were numerous decorative pillows, and apparently, they don't frighten you in the least.

I don't know where in the hell you got the idea that breakfast is at 5:00AM. It most certainly wasn't ME giving you that impression. Me being the only fucking person who has been your BREAKFAST FEEDER for the past SIX YEARS! So, I'm asking you to please, just stop. Okay?



PS- Just an FYI. Scratching the walls surrounding your litter box, contrary to your belief, does not successfully cover your stenchy poo. Never will.

7 Leg Humps:

junebee said...

Hilarious! My cat used to do the same thing. She would start getting wound up for breakfast about 5:00 even though I fed her EVERY DAY at 6:15 when I got up. What IS it with these cats?

I guess we get our revenge twice a year when we change the clocks back or forward. It usually takes the cats a week to get the hang of it.

BTW I like the new blue format. Much better than that green.

junebee said...

How would you like your cat,ma'am? Scrambled or over easy?

Chris said...

LOL... mine just get on the bed and bite my nose... of course, I keep my door open and usually have a vast array of animals in my bed on any given night. yeah, shoot me... lol.. i love the letter tho, i think i need one for my dog tho, regarding her gnawing & cleaning.. oh and whats up with that "honking" noise?
anyway, thanks for sharing.

Zube Girl said...

Junebee- If you are ever fortunate enough to figure out just what it IS with these feline critters, please fill me in.

Chris- The only reason they don't sleep in our room is because Zube Boy is allergic. I only love him enough to let him sleep peacefully. Not live peacefully. Heh.

Anduin said...

OMG! My cat is just a psychotic as your cat. What the hell is wrong with these animals? I need to start doing the shoe thing.

Latin Lover said...

I must totally be out of it. (Just as an FYI, Anduin Andorian is my wife) We have had our cat for 12 years, and he has never once woken ME up to feed him. Must be a guy thing.

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