Saturday, September 17, 2005

Rockin' Out With Cinnamon Tits

One thing I love about being married is that there is never a shortage of dumb as hell conversations. It cracks me up. Actually, I can't blame it on being married, because it started LONG before when we were living together. It's as though that filter which prevents the 'Things You Only Say to Yourself' from seeing the light of day, slowly begins to malfunction and...well, those things escape your lips.

It's not that they're bad or anything. It's just that they're, uh, dumb.

The Scene: We're watching Law & Order SVU and there is a scene where Olivia and Elliot are in the basement of a football coach who's been accused of molesting little girls (he was later found innocent; I knew he would be because he was accused only 15 minutes into the show, and that's WAY too early, so I figured there'd be a twist) and there's this HUGE poster in the background of a football. It was a close-up of the stitching.

Z-Boy: Honey, can I get a poster like that one?

Z-Girl: Shut up. You don't even like football.

Z-Boy: That doesn't matter. I want to get a bunch of posters with balls from different sports on them and put 'em in the living room.

Z-Girl: Really? That's nice. *Grabs the remote and turns up the TV*

Z-Boy: Football, basketball, soccer ball, golf ball...

Z-Girl: Hockey ball...

Z-Boy: *Eyerolling*

Z-Girl: Heh. Hehheh. Heeheehee. Hahahahhahah!

Z-Boy: You crack yourself up, don't you?

Z-Girl: Every goddamned day I do.

And another:

The Scene: It's morning. He's laying in bed watching TV, and I'm out in the kitchen making coffee.

Z-Girl: GAH! Dammit! Honey?!

Z-Boy: What?

Z-Girl: What's the altitude in Frisco?

Z-Boy: What?

Z-Girl: Ya heard me!

Z-Boy: Why?

Z-Girl: Is it about a couple hundred feet lower than we are?

Z-Boy: Yeah, I guess. Maybe 9,000 feet. Why?

We're at 9,600.

Z-Girl: I know the groceries at Safeway are cheaper but remind me NEVER to fucking buy cinnamon over there again, because apparently the change in altitude was enough to make the cinnamon EXPLODE everyfuckingwhere when I opened it. From now on we buy cinnamon at City Market. It's worth the extra $1.00. I'm not bringing home another fucking spice that's packin' air, bitch!

Z-Boy: Ha Hah. *ala that annoying little shit on Simpsons whose name I can't remember*

Well, that'll be all for today, folks. I've got to go change my shirt. You know? I got to thinking that Cinnamon Tits would be a cool name for a band.

14 Leg Humps:

Storm said...

heh, cinnamon tits.

I've had that happen to me too, when bringing shit like that to higher elevations. they should put warning labels on that shit; they do on every thing else!

Phil said...

LMAO mmmmm . . . cinnamon tits.

So Zubeboy wants to prominantly display his balls on the living room wall, eh? Whatever floats his boat, I guess.

The annoying little shit on Simpsons . . . isn't that Nelson?

Phil
http://nomadechoes.blogdrive.com

JJ said...

I honestly had no idea where you were headed with that altitude question. I grew up in barely-above-sea-level Florida.

Zube Girl said...

Storm- Seriously. When I moved up here, I opened a bottle of lotion, only to have it SQUIRT all over my face. There were other people there, so I tried to play it of like I meant to do that. But, they all laughed at me anyway.

Phil- NELSON! You're right. I think.

JJ- I didn't get altitude either until I moved to Colorado from Jersey. Thanks for commenting!

JJ said...

You're quite welcome. I'm in Philly now, so I'm actually learning about strange things like cold weather and hills.

I found you on BotB. You have a cool site. I'll be back again.

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

How sad-sad-sad is this? I was imagining if I had cinnamon tits, my dog would make a career out of trying to get to them to lick them. And then for about a half-second, I thought maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

Amy said...

LOL - sometimes I'm not sure which is more funny... your posts or the comments. I think there is something about marriage that makes your IQ start dropping... it's like the universe decides that two of you can just share one brain or something.

junebee said...

I like your gas stove.

t~ said...

That happened to the guy I was dating when we went for a hike in Haleakala once. He popped open the sunscreen and it exploded all over the damn place. It was fucking hilarious!

mothergoosemouse said...

Another hazard of this high altitude (and my altitude is nothing compared to yours).

I knew a girl named Cinnamon. She was extremely religious. I can only imagine how she would react to the idea of a band called Cinnamon Tits.

Jess said...

OMG... stuff like that has happened to me since moving here to the mountain and i though HMMM... but being that IM not from mountain country.. Im from Florida I never figured out why it did that... ty for the info.

Cinnamon Tits is a good name for a porn star too hehe

Dutch Oven said...

Did the Folgers canister do the same thing? I imagine that the French Roast would pop better than the regular roast - you know how those French are.

And just think, the Folgers is a fresh seal so it may pop everytime. Sounds kinky to me . . . cinnamom tits.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I think Cinnamon Tits would be better name for a stripper or porn star, maybe.

I had no idea about the altitude thing, being here in the south- we don't have concerns like that. When things blow up here, it's usually due to some guy saying "Hey y'all, watch this!"

Zube Girl said...

Librarian- That half-second always kills me!

Amy- I feel the same exact way! To both points.

Junebee- Thanks! It was an anniversary gift.

T~ It is always funny to witness 'cause it catches you so offguard.

Mother Goosemouse- I bet she'd be even more unimpressed with a porn star named that!

Jess- Glad I could help solve the mystery!

Dutch Oven- See, that's what's weird! The coffee opened fine.

Bonanza- Heh. I'd have to say that when things blow up, half the time it's due to altitude, and the other half it's preceded by the statement you mention.

 

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