Wednesday, October 04, 2006

O to the D and D

Dear Odd,

I can't believe you're still hanging in there. That's nothing short of awesome. A few minutes out of the day I've even gotten quite excited about it. But then the emotionally conservative voices in my head get all frantic and shoosh me. Sorry I'm not all squeeing and knitting you baby booties or anything just yet. It's self preservation really. And besides, by the time I learned to knit, you'd probably be learning to ride a bike. A Harley. Also? With Zube Boy's exasperating habit of poking me in the tits because he doesn't think they really hurt THAT bad and the frustration of learning a new hobby that involved knitting needles, someone would most certainly lose and eye. And it wouldn't be me. Or you. You don't quite have those yet, I don't think. And even if you did have eyeballs, far be it for me to stab MYSELF in the stomach to get to them. So, for Zube Boy's sake, we'll keep all squeeing and knitting at bay for the time being.

I've been feeling a little bad about calling you Odd, but at the same time, well, not so much. See, Zube Boy calls me honkytits and donkey legs and I call him taco head and asslips, so really, you totally lucked out in the nickname departmemt. Why, if I recall correctly, the last embryo to take up residence in my womb was affectionately called Stinky. I think we might have pissed that one off, though.

Also, I think I kind of want to make out with Bonanza for her comment about the whole fetal pole thing on my last entry. Which reminds me, you fucking rock that fetal pole, dude. Get all Zen about it and BE the pole. That's the way to go. It should be pretty easy, too, because you kind of ARE the pole anyway. For now at least.

And with the heartbeat. I so don't want to be that pushy mom. As Phil noted, I bet you are totally chill and not very excitable. Like Zube Boy. Which would drive me mad. I'm halfway there anyway, so I'll let you get away with it. Could you just boost it up a bit? I mean, I know the magic cootchie ultrasound wand probably caught ya when you just started and being brand new at the whole heartbeat thing you might've felt a little naked and all with us just storming up in there. I felt a little naked just then, too, if that makes you feel any better. I feel ya. I'll just say that I hope you've got it down, or rather up, next Monday. The low end of average would suffice. You can save going big for when you're on the outside. I'll buy you ice cream at some point in the future if you'll just do that one thing.

I was talking to My Belle yesterday and I told her that if you'd stick around for another, eh, eight months or so, I will TOTALLY hide that F you get in Algebra from Zube Boy. Because seriously, math loses me once letters are added to the mix, too. I rambled on about all kinds of things I'd let you get away with. And then My Belle suggested, "Odd can even be a Republican." Huh? What? Hm. Well, okay fine. I'll admit that one gave me pause, but hell, I'd really like you to stay. For the record, I'd prefer if you were a Libertarian or something. Because being outnumbered by Republicans in my own home would only fan the furiously burning political flame I have under my ass these days. But, that would probably entertain Zube Boy at the very least. And you, too, when you're old enough. Which, if you are a Republican, you likely will be. Just think for yourself. That's all I ask.

Well, rock on, Odd. I'm going to go to bed because your robbing me of all my energy. Which is fine by me. When I'm sleeping, I don't worry. And that's probably better for you.

Love,
Zube

16 Leg Humps:

Fogspinner said...

I've been afraid to say it... but congrats! Hang in there baby Odd!

justdawn said...

You SoOoOoOo deserve Momma-hood, Zube:)

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I've decided now not to feel bad about that comment, because exotic dancing can be a lucrative and fulfilling career for the right person, and if that's the way Odd wants to go, then so be it. I mean, I shouldn't be letting social stigmas totally detrimental to women make me feel bad about predicting Odd's future career endeavors. If she can milk stupid men out of the hard-earned (or not) cash because they're horny and stupid and she ends up driving a Jag while they hide shit from their wives, I have nothing but respect for her.

I'll even send her first little pair of lucite heels.

On second thought, now I'm going to feel REALLY bad. :)

Anonymous said...

I am glade to hear all is well. But Bonanza- I must point out that ODD may be a boy, there for rather then getting her her first pair of Lucite Heels - it may be his fist thong. :)

hang in there odd we are all cheering for you!

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Heh. As if making the assumption the my friend's child would be a stripper isn't bad enough... :)

Zube Girl said...

Dude, even if Odd is a boy who rocks the pole in a gay dance club, I bet he'll fucking kick it in the heels.

Phil said...

Y'know, if you want to add more bribery into the mix, I'm perfectly happy to volunteer as an Algebra tutor for Odd. I rock at math. Well, except for that whole "n-space Calculus"--that just hurts my head. But I'm willing to do that in order to encourage Odd to cooperate. Because really, you & ZB are gonna make kick ass parents. Plus, I feel kinda bad about threatening to kick Odd's ass if he/she doesn't show up as scheduled, so I'm trying to be nice to make up for it.

Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head

daftladybird said...

As promising as this new pregnancy is, I totally feel for your worrying. Everyday must be very hard on the nerves because you just don't know what's going to happen in the next moment. I just wanted to say that I understand how difficult all of this must be for you, and remember, with every day that passes, the chances are that much better that everything will be okay. So take care.

Miss Cellania said...

I can just picture that someday Odd will read these words and know how much you love her/him right from the start.

And get a laugh out of those nicknames.

Anonymous said...

if its a boy you could name him tOdd ;) hehe. (a late) congrats zube!!

junebee said...

Man, I feel like crap - my kids are almost two and I haven't written THEM any letters!

Rich | Championable said...

"Dude, even if Odd is a boy who rocks the pole in a gay dance club, I bet he'll fucking kick it in the heels."

And THAT is reason #487 why I read this blog.

Rock on.

Rainypete said...

So far so good. Sleep is good for both of you (all three of y ou?)

hotdrwife said...

Yes, sleep! SLEEP! Sleep is a good, good thing. And I hope you (all!) get plenty of it ...

PS I've always said that about math myself. When the alphabet and numbers are involved and it all ends up being ZERO anyway after 48 pages of work ... well, then ... ? That can't be right.

rockyjay said...

Just stopped by... don't want to rob your energy any more as it is...

Chickie said...

Dude, even if Odd is a boy who rocks the pole in a gay dance club, I bet he'll fucking kick it in the heels.

Zube Girl, you are the cat's pajamas!

 

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