Thursday, November 30, 2006

Monkey Business

The Scene: We're watching The Omen. Damian is at the zoo freaking the fuck out of the monkeys.

Z-Boy: Honey...

Z-Girl: Yeah...

Z-Boy: I want a monkey.

Z-Girl: That's cool.

The big ass ape starts thrashing his body against the glass enclosure and Damian's mom is looking around, all wide-eyed looking like 'Dude, I totally think my kid is a fucking freak.'

Z-Girl: Honey...

Z-Boy: What?

Z-Girl: If you had a monkey, what would you name it?

Z-Boy: Hmmm...

Silence

Z-Boy: Teresa*.

Z-Girl: Fuck you, honey.

Sometimes I wonder if the Turtle is totally bored. Doesn't seem like there's a whole lot to do up in my cooch, ya know? Oh well, at least if it's a boy he's got something to play with. And if it's a girl, I'm sure she's thinking wickedly evil thoughts like her mother and that's quite a time passer.

Did I mention to you all that we're not finding out what The Turtle is? I wonder how crazy that will drive me? And you? But really, if it drives YOU crazy, well, then, that's the fun part. Me? Not so much.

*For those not in the know, that be my IRL name. Kind of like Zube is my IRL nickname. Or something.

17 Leg Humps:

junebee said...

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you get to see any of your family?

Nicky said...

My Dad used to call kids rug monkeys, so you have one on the way!

Nicky said...

My Dad used to call kids rug monkeys, so you have one on the way!

Amy said...

You know... it's the grandparents that will go bonkers. The rest of us will probably be ok, but you are going to get hate mail from the grandparents.

I'm only saying that because one of my friends is pregnant, due in January, didn't find out, and I'm fairly certain that were she not pregnant, her mom would want to strangle her.

Jen said...

Darn it, I want ed to know if it was going to be a boy turtle or a girl turtle. I guess I'll just have to wait now. Did you finally buy yourself some proper maternity pants?

Anonymous said...

It wonderfully nice to hear from you, I for one refuse to watch that movie cause umm freaking child trying to kill its mother. Hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving.

Miss Cellania said...

Doesn't bother me not to know the gender, as long as Turtle keeps on keepin' on. He/she is probably more busy than we can imagine, growing from microscopic into a baby.

PaintingChef said...

I didn't know you weren't finding out the sex! What the HELL!?!? How am I supposed to spend my life savings on baby clothes so cute you just want to puke all over them if YOU CAN'T TELL ME TO BUY PINK OR BLUE!!!

That does it. When Patrick divorces me because I've blown every penny on twice as much baby shit as I needed its going to be YOUR fault and I'm coming to live with you.

WITHOUT ALCOHOL! OR BROWNIES!

heehee...I love you so much!

Rich | Championable said...

"Doesn't seem like there's a whole lot to do up in my cooch, ya know?"

Let me tell you. Waiting 14 days for that line was totally worth it.

Phil said...

Did you point out to ZubeBoy that having a monkey is not an option? Because otherwise, when Turtle finally arrives, he/she is going to freak the fuck out of the poor monkey, just like in the movie.

Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Hevnev said...

I'm so glad that you are hanging in there with Turtle. Keep the positive thoughts flowing. I have a 2 week old son and I thought of you often throughout my pregnancy and I hope that in the months to come we will be hearing a lot about Turtle and someday pictures. :)

Ginamonster said...

um! Hello! PChef! Green? Yellow? Orange? Blue is ok for girls. And some would say pink is ok for boys.

I think it would be fun not to know. But then, I'm not expecting. Or expecting to be expecting...I'm just glad to hear that all is well in your cooch. Not that I would want to know if there wasn't a turtle up there. and I agree with Miss Cellina. The Turtle is totally busy growing up to be a Zubekid.

Happy Villain said...

Awww, that's sweet, Zube Boy wants more of you around, in monkey form. He must not get enough of you. That's nice.

Boy or Girl Turtle is not really important. As long as this child is a Democrat Turtle. :)

Bonanza Jellybean said...

At least you didn't watch The Omen and decide you wanted a KID. That might mean something's wrong with you. The monkey, however, seems totally reasonable.

Except... my grandmother had a pet monkey when I was growing up (which I have obviously forgotten to tell you about), and that was the meanest little SOB on the planet. So you don't want a monkey. Trust me.

Anonymous said...

Glad all is going well with the turtle.

Anonymous said...

i agree with happy villian, bebe turtle must be a democrat!

Debi said...

Boy Turtle Girl Turtle...as long as it doesn't actually come OUT a turtle I think it's ok. I so want a monkey too..but then once I had it, the new would wear off and I wouldn't want it anymore and then it would get mad and throw crap at me...so maybe I'll just get a hamster instead.

 

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