Do These Pants...

Okay. My husband has failed the Husband Test. Now, I know you're going to say that it might have been a good idea to give him this before we decided to get married, but hindsight is always 20/20 my friends. Heh. Hindsight. Anyway...

Zube Girl: Honey, I'm going to give you the Husband Test.

Zube Boy: It's a little late for...

ZG: Humor me, babe. Okay. This will tell us if we really should be married.

ZB: (eyerolling) I could answer that for you.

ZG: Seriously. Ready.

ZB: As I'll ever be.

ZG: Okay. Honey, do these pants make my butt look big.

ZB: No, honey. Your butt makes those pants look big.

ZG: Shit.

ZB: Did I fail? Should I go get the divorce papers?

ZG: NO!!! You shouldn't be so lucky, you fucker. You get a few points for creativity, so that means we stay together and work on your answer for the next fifty years.

ZB: (Sigh ala Napoleon Dynamite) I'm such an idiot!

ZG: (Storms out of the room, so she can laugh without him knowing she thought it was funny)

ZB: (Shouting down the hall) I'll never make it fifty years if you don't start making me dinner!!! I think I've got about a week left before I starve to death!

ZG: (Shouting back down the hall) You better have a damn good life insurance policy!!!