Adventures in Sleuthing

I bet you all didn't know that once upon a time, I was a world renowned detective, did you? I was one stealth mother fucker. For real. As much as I loved the fast-paced world of sleuthing, there came a day when I decided detective work was not for me. Doing triple back-flips and kicking bad guys in the face requires a spriteness that at the tender age of 27, I had begun to lose. So, I quit.

Anywho, having been a detective, my 'Something's Up' radar is finely tuned. I know when something is fucking up, people. And there is definitely something up in my yard. The lawn people are acting strange, like they're hiding something from me. I decided, this fine Saturday morning, to don my black leather one-piece super sexy detectiving outfit and investigate.

I crawled across the porch, which, just to let you know, is difficult to do in a sexy manner, but I managed. I crouched behind the grill, camera ready, and waited. And waited and waited and waited. After what seemed like an eternity, something caught my well-trained eye, and I managed to get a snapshot.



Gerome the Gnome is kissing Percy the Frog's ass. Yes, I name my lawn ornaments. What of it? Anyway, apparently, Gerome is eyeing Percy's regal shady spot in the yard, and Percy himself is swinging a deal. Sneaky fucker. It would seem that Percy forgot I am the Queen of the Yard, and he has no say whatsoever in the placement of lawn people.

You know, in all honesty, I'm pretty sure my husband had something to do with the gnome kissing of frog ass. Doesn't he know that my imagination is vivid enough? Encountering scenes such as this is going to put me over the edge someday.