Friday, July 08, 2005

So, You Want a Business Update, Do Ya?

I go to these business meetings with members of our Chamber of Commerce. They're a bit mundane. Each month, we go around the room and each person tries to find interesting ways to say 'business sucks' or 'business rocks' until everyone has had their turn.

One month, I'd like to spice things up. I picture it going something like this:

Chamber Member: And Zube Girl, how are things on your end?

Zube Girl: Well, I've had this weird itching sensation on my anus, the dog has been eating rocks and throwing them up on our bed, and Zube Boy has had a terrible case of Nocturnal Stink Ass, so I guess you could say it's business as usual!

I figure if I couple that reply with one of my most winning smiles, I'll throw 'em off long enough to run out of the room unnoticed. They'll be left in a quagmire wondering, "Did that really happen?" And, their conclusion will be, "No, it just couldn't have. Someone must have spiked the water and we're all hallucinating."

They'll hurriedly compose themselves and carry on with impressive displays of flow charts and pie graphs, throwing in phrases such as 'industry standards' and 'economy' for good measure. All will be right with the world again.

Meanwhile, I'll be singing "Paradise City" at the top of my lungs and doing shots of tequila at the bar next door.

11 Leg Humps:

kyknoord said...

Oh man, they say laughter is the best medicine. I think I just OD'd.

I desparately need you in a few of the mind-numbing meetings I have the misfortune to attend on a regular basis.

Zube Girl said...

Kyknoord- I'm there! Just let me save up some money. I'll write it off as a business expense. :-)

The more I think about, my winning smile notwithstanding, I think I'll need to point and say, "Hey, somebody is stealing the coffee pot!" Then, while they're all het up about that, I'll make my clean getaway. You don't fuck with coffee at meetings.

PaintingChef said...

Oh I SOOOO know what's coming out of my mouth to that asshole prickhead boss next time he asks how I'm doing. I can't WAIT!!!

OldGuy said...

Thank for stopping by the tree house zube.

Yeah, kids are a blast :)

Nice blog.

Blog ho said...

that cracked me up. really.

Molly said...

Oh wow... that was hilarious. I need to remember that in our next staff meeting. (Thanks for the comment!)

daviso said...

Excellent Zube grl. thanks for the chuckle. I usually start playing marketing / techy dot com bingo after i hear all the keywords used for the day. ~Cheerios

Barbara said...

Found you through blog explosion.
I think you should go for it! I have dreams about doing that kind of stuff. You would be a lengend in Chamber meetings all over North America!

Zube Girl said...

PaintingChef- Do tell me how it goes! I'd love to hear my plan in action.

Old Guy- Thanks for stopping by here. :-)

BlogHo- Cracking up is fucking fun!

Molly- I think I'm too much of a wussie to actually pull it off, so if you do, let me know!

Daviso- It was nothing. :-) Thanks for commenting.

Barbara- You mean I'm not a legend already? Just kidding. Gracias for the comment.

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