Monday, August 15, 2005

Open Mouth, Insert Soap...

My workplace sponsors a softball team, and most of my coworkers are involved. The Zube Girl, much to the team's dismay, does not play because she has terrible memories of being forced to play as a youngster and getting yelled at by the coach.

"ZUBE! Quit pickin' dandelions, we've got a left-handed batter up, so you might actually see some action."

"Okay coach!"

That's right. I was the queen of right field. Sometimes, when we were playing a good team, they'd move me over to left field for left handed batters. But, I must say, it was kind of nice being over in left field once in a while where there were actually some dandelions left to pick. I'd cleared my domain of any of those pesky weeds.

Anyway, I am the cheerleader. In addition, I drink beer. And say, "Yay!" I'm quite good at this. I think I should get a fucking trophy.

Becki and I were parked in the bleachers cheering and leering the other day, when the other team hit a homer.

Z-Girl: Fuck!

Becki: Ooh. You can't say the f-word, or we'll have to forfeit.

Z-Girl: Well, those cock-sucking sons of bitches can kiss my ass. How's that? No f-word, eh?

Becki: Heh.

What's next? No beer.

8 Leg Humps:

Kjersten said...

I hate to echo a sentiment that is probably already annoying to you, but... You should play!!

I, the most uncoordinated unathletic girl in the world played last year. I played right field and just made sure an energitic and quick running boy was in right center to cover me.

Weird side note--you have always reminded me of my friend brad (humor dept only), this is weird because brad was our only cheerleader at softball. It's like you are the same person in parallel universes.

Zube said...

Kjersten- I know. It's just that it brings about this very real fear I have of softball. I remember my coach throwing pitches to me for a half hour and me not hitting one ball. I know he was only trying to give me positive reinforcement, but towards the end, it got really tough to hit the ball what with all the tears welling up in my eyes.

And, that is so cool that I remind you of someone in real life! Hee. That guy must be cool. :-)

Phil said...

Just imagine that Zube-boy has done something to really, really piss you off. I'm sure you'll be beating those balls to death in no time lol


carrie said...

perhaps the most dulcet stream of profanities I've encountered this week. bravo!

PaintingChef said...

WHAT!?!? Baseball without the word "fuck"? Well that's just fucking unamerican.

Zube said...

Phil- Now that's an idea!

Carrie- I try. :-)

PaintingChef- Totally!

junebee said...

Baseball has got to be one of the suckiest sports both to play and to watch. The only good thing about it, is like you said, sitting on the bleachers
drinking beer.

Zube said...

Junebee- Mmm. Beer makes it all better!


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