Tuesday, August 23, 2005

You Don't Suck



Sometimes the vacuums at work don't operate properly, and we have to leave a note for maintenence to fix them.

Edited to add: People, if you don't read the comments on this post, you are missing out. They are beautimous. I've shed a tear. Or two.

29 Leg Humps:

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

Maybe it's just that the vacuum isn't into sucking at the moment. I mean, maybe it's been a long, long time since the vacuum felt like its sucking was appreciated and not expceted. Really, how long has it been since you did something like make your vacuum feel good? Eh? Probably never! Maybe the vacuum isn't sucking well because it's tired of doing all this one-sided sucking, getting all messy in the process. Perhaps you should give your vacuum some "special" time and maybe that will put some oompf back into the sucking!

Zube Girl said...

So, can you like come hang out with me ALL DAY? I mean, really, it would be a great opportunity for you because, well, I'm not sure yet, but I'll think of a reason.

You can't possibly have anything better to do! ;-) Hee hee.

Zube Girl said...

That last sentence was supposed to say, "You can't possibly have anything better to do than to hang around making me guffaw all day!"

Thanks.

Dutch Oven said...

I left that note for Bonanza once - it took a year before it was fixed.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

It's broken again.

Zube Girl said...

You guys are killing me. Seriously. HA!

Did I ever mention that I get just as much enjoyment out of my comments as I do from writing.

Anonymous said...

Hey! was surfng around and came across your nice little blog.
you can catch my cheap satellite tv kind of site if your interested in thischeap satellite tv stuff....

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I think we forget sometimes whose blog this is... :)

This is the only one Dutch oven really reads without being told to, so I have to keep an eye on him, lest he damage my stellar reputation.

Back to the vacuum...
Maybe it's married now. Remember the old joke?
"Why are brides smiling when they walk down the aisle?"
"They've given their last blow job."

Zube Girl said...

And you can shove your cheap satellite shit up your ass if you're interested in that kind of thing.

Man, after deleting five spam posts, I kind of am over it.

Zube Girl said...

Umm, the above comment was to Anonymous.

Bonanza Jellybean- I like to think of this as a 'community' so comment away! It makes my day. I'm honored that Dutch Oven reads my blog! :-)

I do understand the damage control with your reputation, though. Sometimes I'll leave a post open while I'm writing it and head to the bathroom. I'll return to find 'I like to stick hot dogs up my ass' stuck in the middle somewhere. Husbands.

And, I fucking love that joke! :-)

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I'm still DYING over the hot dog thing! HA!

God, now Dutch Oven's going to try it...

Blog ho said...

i had something else in mind.

Zube Girl said...

BJ- Check out your initials! Yeah. Zube Boy is a fucker of the worst kind. A sneaky fucker. Sounds like Dutch Oven is, too.

Blog Ho- I'm soooooo glad I didn't find this little napkin note taped to my back. Or a least, my coworkers are very lucky! I mean, that's a secret, you know!

David Ames Jr. said...

Good luck in the battle!

Courtney said...

This blog and its comments make me laugh more than any other one out there. Great fun for me. :)

Phil said...

"Zube Boy is a fucker of the worst kind"

Considering the general theme of this post & comments, you should probably choose your wording a bit more carefully. Or, maybe you did, and now we understand why the vaczube isn't sucking anything.

The note reminds me of one I saw at work one time. There was a post-it note on a monitor (I worked in tech support) in our work area that said, in all capital letters, "FLICKERS--NEEDS REPLACING". Except the L and the I ran together, and I SOOO thought the girl who wrote it did that on purpose lol

Phil
http://nomadechoes.blogdrive.com

mothergoosemouse said...

You know, if I had a switch to turn me on (and off), I might be more inclined to suck on command.

Dr. Fil said...

Hahaha. I'm shedding tears laughing too! Nice blog and funny comments. It's very rare for these two to come together. LOL.

Dr. Fil

txsm said...

Dear Zube Girl,

Hi, my name is Hoover, the vacuum you are complaining about. I want to apologize for not sucking to your expectations. I have not been the same since Ms. Bissell left me, I just don’t feel up to the usual suck. I feel my life is over since she ran off with that new Rainbow E2, seems he has a Hurricane suction, something I just don’t have anymore. I have made an appointment to see Dr. Kirby soon, maybe he can give me something to bring my suck power back.

kyknoord said...

To pick up Phil's thread regarding your ...Zube Boy is a fucker of the worst kind... comment. I think I may just have the tiniest inkling why he drops derriere dog remarks into your blog.

PaintingChef said...

I so just choked on my breakfast.

Just out of curiousity, where does that whole self-propelled Roomba vaccum lie in all of this...Y'know, the one that sucks Dave Chapelle's pants off in that Pepsi commercial?

Bonanza Jellybean said...

The self-propelled Roomba is a ho, a professional.

It takes its bristles out before it starts the job for a smoother feel, from what I hear.

I couldn't help it. :)

PaintingChef said...

Okay, I just got the WORST mental image of an old aging ho taking out her false teeth before completing the "business trasaction"

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Yeah, but the Roomba won't kiss on the mouth. I hear the Hoover Rainbow will.

I guess the choice would depend on if you want a vacuum with just pure performance or if you want to feel affection once in a while.

I have got to stop checking this post.

zazzafooky said...

Librarian chick wins the funniest comment. I was dying right after hers, the rest had me falling out of my chair!

Way to go Zube :-)

Zube Girl said...

So, I just can't even keep up with all of the suckiness flying about the comments here! Suffice it to say that I have had several good hearty laughs due to you all!

Thank you sincerely! :-)

You guys don't suck. Or maybe you do. What the hell do I know?!

paul said...

perhaps buy the vacuum dinner ? and dont eat asparagus. ( well at least thats what my girlfriend keeps telling me )

ebed-melech said...

I think everyone has this wrong. The note says it doesn't suck VERY WELL.

Oh, I think the old vac WANTS to perform alright, it's just...well, it could be anything - easily distracted, sharp teeth, a pronounced gag reflex or...well, who taught YOU? Anyone think of THAT???!!! Anyone consifer the old vac's feelings?

Born and bred for one thing, but just can't cut. My first suggestion: counseling. It's hard to suck when you suck at sucking.

peg said...

you put the vacuum down ... and now it's the satellite. Isn't it bad enough it's labeled "Cheap"? You know that's gotta hurt it's self esteem! Can't we have a little appliance compassion??

 

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