Saturday, October 08, 2005

And Then, Six and a Half Years Later, I Laugh at Her...Does That Make Me a Bitch?

Sometimes I go back and read my diary. And laugh heartily at myself. The tearful kind of laugh.

This usually happens when Zube Boy goes camping with the boys and I'm left to my own bitchy, self-deprecating devices.

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Zube Girl, circa 1999...

The Real Me...

is not perfect.

doesn't know.

tries to be perfect.

but isn't.

cares.

tries not to.

loves.

but is afraid.

is fucked up.

is normal.

will change the world!

plays.

cries.

but knows it will end.

is invisible.

is omnipotent.

knows she's beautiful.

but feels ugly.

Sometimes.

That's me...


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I guess it's nice to know that I'm still the same introspective asshole I was six and a half years ago. I like to tell myself that poking fun at me goes a long way, but then I read this...

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Zube Girl, April 20something, 1997...

I thought I had a lot to say, but I really don't remember what it was. The only thing I know is that one day I will read this entry and not remember who I was when I wrote it.

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I knew that I wouldn't really know me. I called myself out?! I don't like getting called out. Particularly by my own damn younger self.

I'm sure that six and a half years from now I'll be thinking the same thing I am today about the girl I was six and a half years ago. The me right now. So, to my thirty-seven-year-old self...You're a bitch. I love ya.

7 Leg Humps:

Anonymous said...

You need Jesus too

Zube Girl said...

Anon- I've got more than enough men in my life, both of the human and feline and canine variety. I need goddess. Oh wait! I've got her. :-) So, we could say that spiritually, I'm a-okay.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Anon is a NOSY MOTHERFUCKER. And KUDOS to you for having goddess- we all need that, day in and out. Although I wouldn't mind having a guy around who can turn water into wine. That would be cool. And useful.

Oh, and now you'll be able to look back at yourself, along with about 2 million people who have read this between now and then. The joys of blogging... :)

Ugh- that irritated me. You need Jesus... sheesh. PECKERHEAD.

Anonymous said...

God damn, take a joke nigga.

kyknoord said...

Hell's bells, I can barely remember things I did last week, never mind six years ago. The only way I remember who I am is by sneaking discreet glances at my drivers license.

Zube Girl said...

Bonanza- See, I kind of asked for it because a religous freak was picking on Carrie over at Blogfart and I expressed jealousy over the fact that the zealots have never picked on me. Freakazoids. :-)

Kyknoord- Oh, I avoid looking at my driver's license AT. ALL. COSTS. Seriously!

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Ugh- I'm sensitive because i have a religious freak or two who likes to email me all the time. I tend to snap frst and ask questions later at those guys!

SORRY TO THE PRANKSTER!!!! Blame it on the guy who thinks I need to be saved and tells me about it weekly via email.

 

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