Thursday, November 10, 2005

Chappage and a Book Recommendation

It really chaps my ass how kitchen sinks all slope toward the drain so that when you set your glass in there because you don’t feel like emptying the clean dishes out of the dishwasher right fucking now it invariably slides down the sink and falls into the drain hole. I hate that shit. And then you just leave it there because there’s no point in fighting the slope, and when the dishes sort of start to pile up you run water and it won’t drain and shit because it's being blocked by the glass. I mean, I understand why the sink’s got to kind of slope, but couldn’t it just be a teeny tiny degree of slopage so that my lazy ass doesn’t have to empty the dishwasher when it doesn’t feel like it? Heh. I wish my ass could empty the dishwasher. That’d be fun, and I might be inclined to do it more readily. If only it weren't so, well, sore right now. Which leads me to...

You know what else chaps my ass? Winter weather. And I don’t mean that metaphorically. I mean, I really get a chapped ass quite often in the wintertime. If I weren’t so lazy I’d invent some ‘Big Ass Chapstick’ to remedy the problem. Or maybe I could create some kind of stool made out of chapstick that you sit on naked, eating grapes and reading The Time Traveler’s Wife. That’s a great fucking book by the way. I highly recommend it.

But, instead I’ll just shift in my work chair and whine about my butt hurting, because pissing and moaning is one of my most favorite hobbies.

15 Leg Humps:

lysie6211 said...

That's one thing I don't miss about being in Boston. No more horribly chapped skin. I've got seriously dry skin to begin with. I'm like a lizard if I don't moisturize immediately after showering. And you know what Zube. My parents sink is FLAT. No slope at all. They got it at Home Depot. Maybe you should send Zube Boy over to check that shit out.

Zube Girl said...

Lysie- WHAT?!?! Okay, that sucks because our sink is like brand new, so there is NO chance whatsoever of me getting a new one.

I thought they were all like that. Dang.

Chickie said...

I've never seen a sloped sink. You must have gotten some fancy-schmancy one! Maybe you could just pile your dirties up on the counter?

If you keep your butt in your britches and not out in the cold air it may not chap as much.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

My ass is constantly colder than the rest of my body- a fact that sets me up for a lot of spousal ridicule. It's never actually gotten chapped from that, though. It STAYS chapped from being annoyed, so I'm not sure I would even notice. :)

Our sink slopes too, from what I hear.

Zube Girl said...

Chickie- Does this mean I have to put away my assless chaps for good? Damn.

Bonanza- You are lucky not to have had a chapped ass. And I'm glad your sink slopes, too because I was starting to feel like a fucking wacko! Go figure.

PaintingChef said...

My sink is sloped too. And I have the exact same problem with the glasses. I HATE HATE HATE unloading the dishwasher but not as much as I hate looking at dirty dishes. Its a constant struggle, this whole sink and dishes shit.

Zube Girl said...

PaintingChef- TOO many freakin' struggles! Why can't life just be easy peasy. That's it. I'm going to invent to dishwasher emptying robot. Then I can just lay around all day in my assless chaps.

txsm said...

I was thinking, you know how when kids get hurt and you always "kiss the boo-boo".....well, I guess now you can tell Zube Boy to.."Kiss my Ass" Heh...I'm on a roll.....:)

mothergoosemouse said...

I hate my sink. When we redo the kitchen (in about 15 years, so I'm not holding my breath), I will take out the stupid divided sink and put in one huge ass basin in which I could bathe if I felt like it. Divided sinks SUCK. They do not have enough space on either side to fit a pan that needs soaking.

Why not put the glass on the counter next to the sink?

And I've been warned about the dry winter weather out here, so I figured that was reason enough to treat myself to a bunch of scented lotions.

Zube Girl said...

TXSM- Heh. As if he needs a *reason* to kiss my ass. That's, like, his job.

Mother Goosemouse- Yes, I feel your pain with the not having enough room to let a pan sit. We have a divided sink, too.

And the prevention of chapped ass is the *perfect* excuse for buying scented lotions. Seirously, the dryness is HARSH. My fingers split and stuff, but there's this really, really good lotion I found in the local hardware store that contractors use which practically glues your skin back together. Though, it's not so much sexy.

zazzafooky said...

You might be on to something there, Ass-Size Chapstick. I'd call those people right away! :-)

Chickie said...

Maybe you could just get a long coat for when you need to wear your assless chaps outside?

junebee said...

Assless chaps just make me thing of David Lee Roth...mmm...

I am from PA (Motto: "Often As Cold As Canada") and have never in my life heard of a chapped ass. It must be a Western US phenomenum.

Sorry I had your page up for like, 3 hours. I was about to write this comment when the Branch woke up early from his nap. I bet he has no clue his mother is thinking of David Lee Roth in assless chaps.

junebee said...

Oh, and the sink thing, yes I hate the damn sloped sink. I am always losing the baby bottle caps down there. Plus I have a whole collection of misshapen utensils that were in there when the garbage disposal was turned on.

Zube Girl said...

TJ- I'm sure it's a genius idea. I need a patent.

Chickie- Maybe I'll have to switch up the assless chaps in order to have a chapless ass. Heh.

Junebee- The Branch would be shocked, wouldn't he! :-) And I have so many messed up utensils because they slide down into the garbage disposal! Seriously. Pain.

 

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