Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Oh How I Love Thee...The Word Ass

It is not unusual for me to use the word 'ass' after an adjective to give said adjective a little more OOMPH. For example, some stupid ass people and their big ass SUV's think they're invincible on snowy ass roads and drive up my ass because I'm a cautious driver and am not going fast enough for their tastes. Even though I drive a big ass SUV, too, I am aware that this means if I slide, I'll certainly slide a long ass distance what with the heavy ass crap in the body of my vehicle.

Anyway, this OOMPHing practice doesn't lend itself very well to some phrases, particularly in the written word, as I've discovered blogging.

Sentences on Zube Girl's cutting room floor...

I have long ass hair.

She has big ass lips.

I have a big ass hole in my ear...*

In other news, I've been thinking a lot about my pants. And how they're shrinking. Aside from the invasion of gnomes with shrinking ray guns, which I believe to be taken care of, I've got another theory. I'm pretty sure that our house has been overrun with Butt Biting Spiders. And these spiders have a very powerful ass-swelling venom. So, it's quite possible that I have a swollen ass.

It's just a thought. I should call an exterminator and ask them if they've ever heard of such a creature.

*the rest of that sentence goes like this...because my hoop earring got stuck on my book bag when I was in high school and ripped it.

20 Leg Humps:

lysie6211 said...

I think the spiders have attacked my stomach!!

nelle said...

You have the spiders too!?!?

Storm said...

you have an asshole in your ear???

Funny, that was the best way to find you when I was searching yesterday--"ass." I tried several things, ya know.

Amy said...

Ass quiz...

Is your ass:

A.)Spreading
or
B.) Doing the whole J.Lo "junk in the trunk" swelling?

Because A is bad and B isn't. ;o)

I have a big ass hole in my ear too... for the SAME exact reason. My friends used to think it was hilarious that I could take a fairly thick hoop and run it all the way through the in my ear lobe. *bastards*

mergrl said...

LOL, I think I have the mutant version of those spiders, they just bite you everywhere, couldn't be those cookies I keep eating I'm sure :0)

junebee said...

I think if you put "ass" on the end like a regular word ending it would work out better:

Longass hair.
Bigass SUV.
Dumbass husband.

Or maybe it should be hyphenated:
Long-ass hair.
Big-ass SUV.
Dumb-ass husband.

We could ask Groovy Vic, she was an English teacher.

One of my favorites is to refer to someone as an asswipe.

And not that I have a dumbass husband.
It's only an example of use of the word!

Rainypete said...

And what, pray tell, are ass lips?

Zube Girl said...

Lysie- Damn spiders!

Ellen Jay- I do! We should start an exterminating company!

Storm- I guess I love the word ass. :-)

Amy- I prefer to think it's doing B. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Mergrl- They're kind of biting me everywhere except for places that could use some swelling.

Junebee- I'd love to know for sure. The hyphen seems to clear things up.

Rainy Pete- I really don't want to know, but it gave me a helluva visual!

Phil said...

"I have a big ass hole in my ear...*"
"*the rest of that sentence goes like this..."

And here I thought you were complaining about Zube Boy not shutting up.

I think there might be a nationwide infestation of those Butt Biting Spiders. They're here in my house, too.

Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Zube Girl said...

Phil- HAHAHAHA! Heh. It's a new frenzy that's sweeping the nation. Arachna-fat-buttia. Yeah. That was kind of lame.

Chickie said...

Rub some turpentine on your butt. That'll keep the spiders away.

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

OOOOH, can I call The Black Hole my big ass hole at work? I love it!

I like to think of the ass situation as growing ass muscles, which are flexed and toned each day reading your blog. It's incorrect to say that you're laughing your ass off. You're laughing your ass up, as in pumping it up, or cracking it up. That's what I tell myself anyway.

Spider Walk said...

No comment.

Muuuuuhaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I hve just figured it out, because I TOTALLY do the ass for emphasis thing, too. In the English language, ass is one step above -est in the modification of adjectives. For example,

Stupider
Stupidest
Stupid-ass

It should be appearing the grammar manuals any time now. :)

Territorial said...

big'ol hoop earring got me too. I can pull a pretty big hoop through there now. At least I'm not like my Mom who doesn't even have a hole anymore..it's wripped clean through.

Okay......I'm sipping rum and coke while typing this and it just looks/sounds bad.

Kjersten said...

long ass hair! You're killing me!!

Zube Girl said...

Chickie- I'm sure the hubby would love that!

Librarian- Absolutely! Love the Black Hole. I wonder if she knows she's nearly famous?

Spider Walk- Hee.

Bonanza- You know, modifier is the freakin' word I was looking for! I couldn't think of it. I think you're right. Maybe we should publish school books.

Terri~ Ugh! I'm glad I didn't rip it clear through. That would suck. But, I can pass a hoop entirely through my earring hole.

Kjersten- That one was my favorite.

melissa.in.london said...

I accidentally looked down in the post as I read the beginning, and I saw ass hair. That's like coming in on the middle of a conversation, right when what you hear makes it sound pretty bad. It was hilarious, though!

We must have the same ass spiders here in Iowa... I have a theory that it must really be those damn annoying Japanese beetles that disguise themselves as ladybugs.

Crazy Lady said...

Ass is a much beloved word in my conversations also. But for some reason rather than telling someone they have their head up their ass, (and thus giving me a reason to use the word) I say they have an "Upper Recal Cranial Insertion"
heh, just typing that makes me laugh.

Zube Girl said...

Melissa- Sounds like a sound theory to me!

Crazy Lady- That is AWESOME! I am so going to use that.

 

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