Sunday, December 04, 2005

Well, Would You Look at That...

I have a soapbox under me feet. While I'm up here...

I'm sure some of my readers are Pro-Life, and I REALLY don't intend to alienate you guys, but I'm going to warn you that I'm about to throw a wee bit of a tantrum. Understand that it's simply emotions bubbling over that I usually keep in check because I'm ALWAYS composed in debate. However, this is my playroom and I kind of feel like throwing my toys around for a minute. I'm fucking tired of being diplomatic. I know it's essential, and I know it gets me further than being a raving lunatic, but that doesn't make it any less tiresome.

You all are probably aware that I'm an advocate of choice. I have that big ass ugly button in my sidebar which says so. I wish I could find a more visually appealing one, but the sentiment is more important to me than having a pretty blog. Although, if any of you can recommend a source for buttons that don't blink and express those two of my most sacred beliefs, I'd love you forever. Not that I don't already, but who couldn't use some more Zube love? I'm full of it.

Anyway, choice is something I am PASSIONATE about. So passionate that I actually cried when Bush was reelected because I worry that under his administration the clock is slowly being turned back on Roe v. Wade, while we're all distracted by the War on Terror. My Republican husband didn't even laugh at my crying ass. He hugged me because he understands this passion. There's very little that we don't poke fun at one another for, and this is one of those things.

The reason I'm so passionate about it is that if I hadn't had access to a legal and safe abortion, I, without a doubt, would not be living in Colorado married to the Pro-Choice Republican guy I'm wildly in love with. Who knows where the fuck I'd be, but I'm so happy with where I am, that I've got nothing but love for all of the women and men who were fighting for my right to choose even while I was Pro-Life and fighting to deny myself that right. How's that for irony? "I think it would be healing for a survivor of rape to give birth to the resulting child," ranks way up there on the list of Dumbest Shit I've Ever Said.

Through my perusal of Pro-Life websites yesterday, I came across several points I'd like to address. The following aren't direct quotes; they're merely points I've seen expressed over and over again. I'm not linking because I have no desire to start a pissing match with anyone. The following is my lil' ole' opinion, peppered with lots of cussing because I'm cranky today. Maturity be damned.

"I had an abortion, and now I regret it. Abortion should be illegal because every-fucking-body else who had one must regret it, too."

There are so many websites where women can go and get hugs and get prayed for and all that happy horseshit because they made a decision they regret. And that's all well and good. I think it's important to support people who've made difficult decisions in a pinch and aren't all okay with it. Unfortunately, though, that's the fucking nature of making a BIG DECISION there's no going back on. I'm sorry you regret having an abortion. That sucks. It really does. But it doesn't mean the right should be taken away from EVERYONE. We can't go around protecting people from making a decision they might regret. Seriously.

I am at peace with what I decided, but I'm not going to turn around and say that every woman who finds herself pregnant in the least ideal situation should have an abortion. See? And I know some women who, though it's nearly impossible to tell anyone, regret not having had an abortion. They're not going around saying pregnant teenagers shouldn't be allowed to have kids. They had their kid and they love it like crazy, but they still wonder where they'd be if they hadn't. They made a decision and they're living with it. Me, too. So are you. And how each of us feels about the decision we've made should not influence the legality of others to make their own.

Now, if you were forced/coerced into having an abortion, that's WRONG and that's not what choice means to me. CHOICE means you have a fucking CHOICE in the matter and THAT is what I stand for. That's why the whole Pro-Abortion label pisses me right off. Let's just say that if I have a daughter and she comes to me at the age of sixteen and tells me she's pregnant, I give her FULL LICENSE to make a decision she can live with. I mean, ideally she wouldn't be in that predicament because she'll have come to me before she had sex and we'd have gone to the doctor and gotten her on birth control, but BIRTH CONTROL does not come with any GUARANTEES. Contraception fails, people.

But, if she wants to have a baby? Fine. If she wants an abortion? Fine. I will love her and support her NO MATTER WHAT. And, if abortion is illegal and that's what she wants? I'll fly her ass to some other country. I'm not really too worried about my future daughters not having access to abortion. It's the poor people who might want one and can't afford to travel to Canada that I'm most worried about.

I don't think the reason there are so many sites like this is that the majority of women regret having an abortion. I believe it's more or less because women who don't regret aborting don't feel the need to publicize it to the world. It's a private decision, and one they're thankful to have been able to make, but also one that people would condemn them for and who the fuck wants to deal with that?

I do because I don't really give a rat's ass what anyone other than my husband and my family think of me. I had an abortion and my whole town knows it. I don't regret it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

"Abortion should be illegal, except in cases of rape and incest."

That's simply not possible, and I'll tell you why.

The asshole that raped me didn't have the common decency to give me a black eye or SOMETHING, ANYTHING that would have made me a credible plaintiff. I knew him through a friend. He offered to give me a ride to the store because my car was broken down. I accepted. I, though I felt squicky about it and should have spoken up but, being young and naive, followed him into his house so he could retrieve some unknown thing. Which, come to find out, was in between my legs. And that was that. He didn't rough me up. He didn't have to because I was sufficiently frightened by the inability to breathe. A pillow over your face doesn't leave much in the way of bruising. I acquiesced because I wanted him to ease up on the suffocation. I wanted to get out alive. And I did. Thank fucking goddess.

If I'd have fought and pissed him off, I might've gotten injured, making me more believable. I might've also bought myself a one way ticket to a backyard burial. Who the fuck knows, for sure? If you ask me today if I really think he was capable of murder, I'd say probably not. But when you're deprived of oxygen and gasping for air, you'll think some crazy shit.

Does that suck? Is it unfair? Yeah. It sucks all hell and then some, but would I be willing to have innocent people put in prison for rape just so that I, or any other woman could simply say, "I was raped," and have it believed? No. Of course not. It's a sad fact of life that people lie about shit. That's why we have a judicial system. Innocent until proven guilty, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

All of that to say that I didn't prosecute. If abortions were only legal for survivors of rape, how would I have proven that that is indeed what happened? And, even if I HAD decided to prosecute, do you know how fucking long things take to even GET to trial, much less be given a verdict? I'd have given birth by the time that happened. Actually, I probably would have been forced to carry the pregnancy to term anyway because my word against his surely wouldn't have held up.

So, that argument? Stupid and impossible.

"The abortion industry is full of money hungry assholes."

Hmm...Let's see. When I had an abortion, it was $450. I opted for the general anesthesia. Otherwise it would have been $300. Friends who've had kids have told me THAT costs anywhere from $3,000 to $5,000 if you have a fairly uneventful birth. It's exponentially higher if you have an emergency C-section or something outside the average push, push, why hello there little newborn event. I don't hear anyone calling OB's money grubbing assholes.

And, the cost of birth aside, I'm assuming that having a kid for THE REST OF YOUR EARTHBOUND LIFE costs a bit more than $500 bucks. I mean, come on.

I prefer that a doctor who is going to OPERATE on my UTERUS be, you know, compensated monetarily for that. I don't mind throwing in a little extra dough for the fact that they very likely risk their fucking lives to provide health services they believe in because they CARE about women.

I find it hard to believe that the lady who held my hand and told me not to cry because those rosary bead throwing, "Murderer" screaming fuckers just didn't understand, was doing it because she wanted the portion of the $450 that went to her paycheck. She was going to get it whether she held my hand or not. And okay, maybe she didn't say 'fuckers' but anyway...







Whew. I feel much better having gotten that off my chest. If you've read this entire thing, you deserve a fucking medal and all the Zube love I've got in my reserve. It's hard to fight for and believe in something and yet ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS keep your cool. I try. I really, really do, but every once in a while people don't fight fair with me and I want to retaliate. I'd rather do that here than there. Because here, I'm attacking an argument and not a person. There, erm, not so much.

54 Leg Humps:

junebee said...

You'd really have your beans steamed here in FL. You can get "Choose Life" automobile license tags for your car, but I can't help but notice there are none that say "Choose Choice".

Abortion is a topic in which I don't follow the hard-core Republican agenda. Situations like yours are exactly why abortion should remain legal. And no-one, NO-ONE has the authority to judge anyone who has chosen to have an abortion. That said, my personal opinion is that abortion should remain safe, legal, and relatively rare.

In it for the money? Hello?? How many types of medical procedures can you get for less than one grand?! Many doctors, nurses, and staff at clinics risk their lives DAILY to get to work and provide women with CHOICES of services. Doctors here had to wear bulletproof vests at one point. Surely it's easier to sit in a suburban office building and run sonograms for Mrs. Jones from the 'burbs. And more money too.

I even considered volunteering to be an escort when clinics here were under "fire" from the right-wing whackos. Women were getting harrassed on the way from their cars into the clinics. It was real ugly for awhile.

I read the post TWICE! Ha ha! Made sure I got everything.

mergrl said...

very well said Zube (hugs)

Zube Girl said...

Junebee- Seriously, you are AWESOME. :-) And you are probably a Republican very like Zube Boy. Lucky for you, I'm married, otherwise I'd be compelled to marry you for your coolness factor alone!

And I do think it should be rare, too, for the simple reason that it's a medical procedure and any kind of invasive surgery that can be avoided is a good thing. That's why I'm also an advocate of Emergency Contraception, because that would prevent abortion.

Anyway, thank you. :)

Zube Girl said...

Thanks Mergrl. :-)

Alaskan_Chilli said...

My close friend had an abortion and she is a staunch catholic, for the couple of years we knew each other before the pregnancy we would argue in a friendly fashion about pro life and pro choice, I was always pro choice. She wasn't raped but found herself in a position where she would be unable to offer the life a child deserves. It tore her up but she admits that it was the best option for her. She came to stay with me striaght after to get away from her catholic family and I saw how much someone who has to have an abortion goes through. I am so thankful that in Britain there isn't the big issue that there is in the states about abortion. I am also grateful that although we have an GWB arse licking prime minister he is still better than dubya himself.
I really enjoyed reading your arguments because they were straight from the heart and succinctly put.

mothergoosemouse said...

Like Junebee, I deviate from the Republican agenda on this point. Safe, legal, and as rare as possible.

Cheers to you Zube, for having the courage to do what was best for you, and for having the courage to keep speaking out about it.

And I'm scared shitless of not being able to breathe properly - even having a stuffy nose panics me a bit. No fucking wonder you handled the situation as you did.

Zube Girl said...

University Girl- I was raised Catholic, too, and I was a staunch opponent of abortion, until I found myself in the position of wanting one. Your friend and I are perfect examples of you just don't know until you're there.

Thanks for saying that you appreciate my arguments. I think they're kind of ranty, but I guess there's a place for that, too. And it might as well be my own blog.

Mother Goosemouse- I think my beliefs more line up with being a lefty libertarian. I'm kind of Republican, but kind of Democrat. I do hope that Emergency Contraception is made more available to women because, as I said, invasive surgery should be avoided.

And, it was scary as hell not being able to breathe properly. It made all rationality go right out the window.

Nancy said...

Zube Girl, thanks for this post. I have a lot of personal experience related to this subject: a very close friend who I went with when she had an abortion, surviving an attempted rape in my past, and serving as a volunteer rape-crisis counselor.

I agree with all of your points. I am very much pro-choice, although I do not believe in abortion as a method of birth control (responsible contraception is my strong preference). However, it is such a slippery slope when you start placing restrictions on abortion -- "only in case of rape," etc. Who will judge? What will prevent a woman's sexual history from being trotted out during the discussion of whether or not she is entitled to an abortion? The only way to avoid the slippery slope is to keep abortion legal, and trust women to make the best decisions.

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

Very eloquent and passionate! Well said! I'm sorry that you went through something to put you in this position, but I am thankful you're such a great advocate. You are a strong ally for women's issues and a great example. Good job!

I've had friends who have had abortions and one who even gave a child up for adoption after going to have the abortion and finding out she was much further along than she thought. It's all heart-wrenching and requires a lot of thought and guilt. People who judge that are wrong -- flat out. Everyone is different and every situation different, but to take an option away is just wrong. This is one of the few issues I'd fight and die for.

**Hugs** You're such a great person!

Chatty said...

I read to the bottom, but the medal can go to you. I applaud you.

lindy said...

Well said. Bless you, Zube.

Barbara said...

You go Zube Girl. I applaud you up there on your soap box.

t~ said...

I have a hard time saying i was raped because i brought it on myself (teased then could not bring myself to deliver); but the fear of knowing he was twice my size & in the marines, and his forceful and painful grip caused me to acquiesce and just cry silently till it was over. I did not get pregnant, but the thought of it at the time (i was 17) caused me to change from pro-life to pro-choice.

Everything you said was so well delivered. I applaud your courage to stand up for what you believe in.

Rich | Championable said...

Damn. DAMN.

That was GREAT. That was fucking AWESOME.

Damn.

Phil said...

Zube, don't apologize for venting. Sometimes it's needed, especially on "hot" topics like abortion.

Many of the "arguments" pro-lifers use are rather rediculous. But the "I regret having an abortion, therefore it should be illegal" has got to take the cake. Shit, I regret quitting my job without having a new one lined up--guess that should be illegal, too. And I really regret ever going out with L.S.--guess it should be illegal for anyone to date her, too. Actually, that probably wouldn't be a bad idea. But I digress.

This is one of those issues that us guys really have it a lot easier than you gals. Not to say abortion doesn't affect guys at all, but it really doesn't compare to what the woman has to deal with.

I will say this, though (and I'll preface it with "please read the whole comment before getting pissed off at me!"). I believe that abortion is wrong. My personal belief is that life begins at conception. However, I recognize it as personal belief and nothing more. I will not judge anyone for having an abortion, nor would I deny them the right to follow their own beliefs, nor think any less of someone for having one. If someone I knew were pregnant, I would do whatever I could to convince (note: not coerce!) her not to have an abortion. But ultimately, I'd support her with whatever decisions she made. And yes, I've actually followed through with that sentiment.

Kudos to you, Zube, for speaking out, and offering your story as an example of why abortion should remain legal & safe--despite the pain it must cause you.

Phil
http://nomadechoes.blogdrive.com

Zube Girl said...

Nancy- The 'who will judge' is my biggest problem with the 'only in rape and incest' caveat.

Librarian- I will fight and die for it, too. :-) It's good to know I'm in good company.

Chatty- Thanks Chatty. :-) I was thinking I had a hell of a lot of medals to be handing out!

Lindy- Bless you, too. Thank you.

Barbara- Thank you.

T~ That's my problem; there is SUCH a fine line, and I'm not willing to deny an abortion to, well, anyone, but in a case such as yours, that's equally distressing.

Rich- Thank you. :-) Really.

Phil- The quitting your job comparison is spot on, at least to me. And I respect your right to be Pro-Life. I do. And I appreciate that you are being so diplomatic, despite my temper tantrum. You rock.

Phil said...

Zube, just to clarify, I'm not really pro-life. Like I said before--while I, personally, feel abortion is wrong, I also recognize it as my personal belief. I fully support a woman's right to choose, from a legality standpoint. So, technically, I'm pro-choice . . . even though my preferred choice is no abortion :)

Minerva said...

Zube,
Wow, just wow, girl.. What an incredibly moving and courageously honest post. I am SO impressed with your arguments, with your honesty and just your goddamn strength. To come through an experience like that is amazing and to argue as passionately and as coherently as you do in this is really impressive and yes, I did read it twice too.

Wow, just wow, girl...

Minerva

momof2 said...

Oh Zube Girl. Thank you for sharing so unabashedly with us.I admire you to pieces.
A

Black Eyed Gurl said...

My favoritest bumper sticker ever says: Don't like Abortion? Don't have one. Alternate: If you can't trust me with a choice how can you trust me with a child (but that one's a bit wordy).

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I was just getting ready to blog a rant about this myself, its nice to see lots of us ladies in the blogsphere putting it out there!

Thanks for putting a face on abortion. People always act like they don't know of anyone who's had one, but I only know one person who hasn't. As a rape abortion reciever myself I know how terrifying it is not only to be raped, but then to go through that. It's terrifying, and it's even more terrifying to admit it.

I'll go down fighting with you, and I'm already getting my car ready to smuggle girls and women over the border to Canada to get abortions. We can run an underground railroad to safe abortion. Or move to Canada.

Samantha said...

Very well put, Zube Girl. I completely agree, and I don't think you were too ranty at all.

As for buttons, I like this one. I swiped it off of a site that doesn't exist anymore, so I'm assuming the copyright stuff is ok. ;)

txsm said...

Zube....you not only get a medal for this one...you get the need a fucking statue made in your honor! As you and I have discussed before...I never got the choice to have an abortion, he made sure I miscarried...but when I found myself pregnant months later by someone else I was seeing, I found myself debating what I should do. I am Catholic, but Pro-Choice....I let my friends decide for me, when I shouldn't have. When I finally went to the clinic, I found I was too far along, but they were still going to do it! I decided then to carry to term and give up for adoption, but when I moved back home and told my folks, the support I got was not expected. That baby is now 17 years old, my Boogerbear, and I thank god everyday that I 'chose' not to abort but to keep her. So, as you can see, I've had both situations, if I hadn't been kicked in the stomach and miscarried, I would have had an abortion. When the situation came again, I chose life. And, I totally understand why you didn't fight back..when you are in a situation like that, it's better to do that, than the latter. I've been there, instead of a pillow, he used his hand on my throat...to this day I can't wear turtlenecks or necklaces, it reminds me of the feeling I had when I couldn't breathe. I love you Zube...you rock..always!!!!! And you can use that soapbox anytime...we're always listening!

Betty said...

That has got to be one of the best soapbox posts I have ever read. Outstanding. I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through, but I think it's amazing that you are able to share your experiences with the rest of us.

banquo said...

An awesome post. I have never been through any of what you have - but someone very close to me has. I am very definitely pro choice too, abortion is not really a big thing here in S.A either, like it is in the states, but like you said, we are not here to judge each other. And as difficult and heartbreaking as it would be to watch my child go through - I would totally support whatever choice she made too if she found herself pregnant at 16. Lots of South African love to you to Zubegirl.

Courtney said...

Amen, sister. Like you and a few other people have said, abortion is one issue I won't waver on. Pro-choice is not the same as pro-abortion. It's the right to choose life and it's the right to choose to abort and every woman should have that choice. I would die for this cause.

kyknoord said...

The trouble with certain individuals is that they are convinced that their viewpoint is the correct (and therefore, only) one. This is fine in the normal course of events, but is problematic when a whole lot of these people get together and form a government.

Anonymous said...

I am on your side 90%... BUT
Do you really think the guy that raped you only did it to you!? How many other girls had to make tough decisions because you kept quiet. You should be screaming his name out loud and warning any other girls not to GO ANYWHERE with him! I can understand why you didn't prosecute but NAME HIM ....It's the best thing you could do for other women!

justdawn said...

I would hug you if I could, Zube! You have been through some serious shit...and if the Jesus Crispies of the world can't love you despite your supposed flaws...then they are not what they truly claim to be anyway. I totally apreciate your stance on the issue of abortion. I guess it is one of those things that I don't believe belongs in the political arena. It is a personal matter. Love ya, Z-girl!

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I love your post today- from the heart and completely right on. The biggest mistake anyone opposed to choice makes is assuming that women who decide to terminate a pregancy do it lightly and without much thought and just move on to the next guy. The personal side needs to be heard, and you did a damn good job of it.

Ginamonster said...

as a missed appointment non aborted child, I can honestly say that I respect my mom's right to choose, whether she had gone though it or not. (obviously not) My father coerced her because he didn't want his girlfriend to know he had slept with his wife. she just couldn't do it. I too am thankful for the choice, and although I don't think I would be able to do it, I'm glad to know I safely can if I need to. Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story. Abortion is one of the most difficult choices a woman can make. My dear friend misses her baby every day. Mother's day is particualrly hard, but it wasn't a good time for her or the father, who is now her husband. we may not talk about it, but we all know the pain is still there, but she doesn't regret her decision, she knows it was for the best.
I can only hope that those of us who want to remain free to choose continue to support government officials who respect that right. I'll save the rest of that rant for my own blog.

Zube Girl said...

Phil- I gotchya, Phil. After re-reading your comment I realize that you are more or less for Choice, however preferring Life. And that's cool. :-)

Minerva- Thank you. I appreciate the honesty on your blog, too.

Momof2- Thanks. :-)

Black eyed gurl- I am SO with you on the underground railroad thing! Seriously.

Samantha- I like that one, because it couldn't be further from the truth.

TXSM- See, you rock. :-) Thank you for sharing.

Betty- Thank you, Betty. Sometimes, I like being on a soapbox. Not always, becuase that would get old, but every once in a while.

Banquo- Thank you for the love sent from so far away. :-)

Courtney- Precisely. That's what Choice means, and I'd die for it, too.

Kyknoord- EXACTLY. See, I'm not going to say that my thoughts on abortion are right, while others aren't. But, they want to take their beliefs and push them on me.

Anonymous- Ah, see, all of this happened 10 years ago, and EVERYONE in my circle knew who he was. In addition, I wrote him a letter anonymously and sent it to his band's fan mail address and wrote 'RAPIST' in lipstick on his band's CD's whenever I found them in the record store. I also had a friend who knew him approach him and have a little chat. He didn't get off scot-free. But, all of that was ten years ago, and I hope I did my best to fuck things up for him a little, but at the same time, it's time for me to move on, so I'm not really about calling attention to him now. It would be hard anyway because now I live 2000 miles away. I appreciate your comment.

Justdawn- I think the government should stay out of it, too. Thanks, Justdawn.

Bonanza- It is difficult, and I agree entirely that it is not a decision most people make lightly.

Ginamonster- Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that you're for Choice, even given the closeness it hits to home for you.

Jen said...

Very touching post- a topic that most people never have to deal with but have strong opinions on. As long as you are happy with your decision, then you know it is the right one. Thank God that you were able to have it done properly, in a doctor's office.

Amy said...

I notice that many people have an entirely different view when they haven't been faced with an actual choice as you were. How nice it must be to never be faced with the unexpected or even have to pause to consider a choice such as this, wouldn't it be nice if we were all so freaking lucky?

I'm thankful (for many reasons) that we do have that choice, for the time being anyway. It worries me that our daughters (whether they choose to exercise the option or not) may not have that same luxury some day.

It absolutely sends me over the edge when certain people (or groups of people) think they have the right to make decisions for everyone... and in this case (as unpopular as this may be) I don't think men have a right to an opinion here... it's not as if they'd ever be placed in the situation personally, now is it?

Wonderful post, Zube, you seriously rock!

Jess said...

You know Im with you on this one. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Maybe one day I will have the courage to share my own story. No Im not ashamed, but like you mentioned in the post many woman who dont regret it just dont share it with everyone. I would bet there are many woman out there with their own stories, I bet even some that commented on this here blog. Thank you for having that courage. I would hate to live in a country that took away my right to choose. Preach on Sister!

Zube Girl said...

Jen- Thank you for the kind words.

Amy- I also worry about the future of Choice. I think this is just something where it's so difficult to grasp unless you're in the position of desperately wanting a choice. It's so hard, because it is a heartfelt subject for people.

Jess- Thank you. I really and truly hope that women are able to make choices with the guidance of their own moral authority. I do.

PaintingChef said...

Everyone else has said it so well, I've got nothing. This is just one of the reasons I'm a little in love with your Zubiness.

Chickie said...

Awesome post. You kick ass.

Sharon said...

Wonderful viewpoint. You are so right. Those of us that have had an abortion and don't feel suicidal after the fact, rarely speak out about it. We each have our own reasons. I saw a bumper sticker the other day and I want to buy it if I can find it. It said "Someone You Know May Need a Choice."
99% of the people who know me, don't know about my abortion but we need the choice and that door should never close.

Vic said...

Wow. Powerful. You've made this 30 something year old pro-lifer think. Good job. I too am a rape survivor with very similar circumstances except a pregnancy didn't result from my horrible experience. I've been very firm in my pro-life views for a couple of reasons 1)college roommate had an awful experience and 2)my birth mother was 17 and chose to give me up for adoption in 1972. Today though you've made me think. I certainly respect your decision and its made me wonder what mine would have been in that situation. Thank you. Really. Thank you.

Kari said...

I love reading you, and this post is exactly why.

Thank you for being so realistic about everything. I hadn't thought about the whole "difficult to prove if someone was raped" angle of everything.

I never thought that abortion should be illegal, but your thoughts definitely cemented my stance.

Crazy.Spoiled.bLitch. said...

Very well said!!! :)

I would like to find ONE woman who does not regret having an abortion. Does anyone really want to have one?

Zube Girl said...

P-Chef and Chickie- Thank you guys. :-)

Sharon- My point exactly. Thank you for sharing and I'm glad you were able to legally make the same choice I did.

Vic- Wow. That is FAR more than I could have hoped for. You made me cry. In a good way.

Kari- I really appreciate you saying that. Thank you for READING about my life. :-)

Crazy Spoiled Bitch- I totally agree with you. It is a difficult decision for most. One that needs to remain legal.

Gretchen said...

This is your blog - you can write about whatever you want.

That said it was very thought out and eloquent.

Well done.

Zube Girl said...

Thank you Gretchen. :-)

melissa.in.london said...

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

I also am a nonaborted child, like one of the other commentors. My mother was seventeen, pregnant by an abusive alcoholic drug-addict and chose to keep me. I can't begin to describe how thankful I feel.

The problem I have is with pro-lifers who equate pro-choice with pro-abortion. I personally wouldn't choose abortion unless I was in a situation like yours, because I don't believe that abortion should be a method of birth control. However, if someone can't support a child and give it the life it deserves, and they can live with their decision, more power to them. I can't judge someone until I walk a mile in their shoes, and to be frank, not even then.

That said, my mother did have an abortion after my brother was born (after she was married). There was no way that my parents could have possibly supported another child on my dad's salary. I know that secret because I found some letters she wrote to the unborn child, and I know how sad she is inside. But ultimately, it's better that we didn't suffer.

As far as I'm concerned, the government has NO RIGHT to tell me what I can and cannot do with my body. I don't think that it is an option I would choose, but that's just it. I want that CHOICE.

Bonnie said...

As everyone else said, great post.

I love the fact that someone else has pointed out that pro-choice is not pro-abortion. It's just about having a choice. Very few people would choose an abortion because it seems like a fun thing to do. Abortion happens because it's the lesser of many evils.

Speaking of regret.. has anyone talked to a woman who gave a child up for adoption in the 1950s or 1960s? You get regret there too but no one has ever suggested outlawing adoption.

Anonymous said...

Amen sistah!

Honey Bunny said...

thank you for sharing this. it means a lot to this woman.

Halfmad said...

ROCK ON. Well put. Well said.

novaks8 said...

I keep imagining all the pompous politicians who are PRO LIFE and wondering how many of them have daughters (or mistresses) who have aborted.
You know there have to be many.

In my close circle of HS friends I know 3 who had an abortion and 1 (me) who had the baby and got married before age 20.

Maybe I didn't choose abortion but i COULD HAVE!
I don't want that RIGHT taken away from my 4 daughters (heaven forbid they have to make that choice)

I also want to ask said crusaders "How many unwanted black children are YOU going to adopt?"
The white ones will be snapped up but what about the rest?
Those with money only want black NON american children.

Where will these children go?

WHy not use the money and time and effort on prevention?

it is mind boggling.

thank you for sharing your story and viewpoint.

Anonymous said...

t~ it doesn't matter how much you teased, when you say stop the guy should stop. doesn't matter how late in the game you say it. don't blame yourself and excuse him, that wont do at all!!

Angela said...

I think you stated that very well. I wish more people could see it that way.

I think what you wrote here is very important.

Izi said...

I'm a bit of lurker here - never commented before - but your post made me want to say something. I'm a teenager myself, and have a friend who was raped (though she didn't get pregnant), and have always firmly been pro-choice. My friend took the morning after pill when she was raped and became very loudly pro-choice (having been pretty pro-life before hand). I personally do not know if I would ever have an abortion, no matter the circumstances, but I definitely want that option left open to me, because it's like you said - you can't tell what you want to do until you've been there. I'm pro-choice, even if I personally wouldn't choose to havean abortion.

Izi said...

cont. (accidently presse the post button before I was ready):

My philosophy class at school(currently doing medical ethics) was having a fairly hot debate on the subject of abortions, with the lines squarely drawn between pro-lifers an pro-choicers. There were several who were saying 'just for rape-victims' etc. Your blog-post could not have had more perfect timing - I hope you don't mind, but I printed it off and read it aloud to the whole class (there are twelve of us), including all the swear words, which made my teacher deeply disapproving but I think were fairly essential to getting across the depth of feeling you had.

Safe to say, you pretty much won the debate for us pro-choicers. A few stubborn pro-lifers hung on, but their arguements suddenly all looked VERY flimsy in comparison. One or two (mostly the idiots who were just spouting supposed biblical crap without any real idea of what they were talking about) seemed to have had a definite shift in opinion.

(I should clarify - I don't mind people saying they are pro-life because of their religion, so long as they have actually consciously thought out their reasons and come to a decision that is true to them. Many of the idiots in my class really WEREN'T thinking, they were just blindly and obediantly spouting off stuff their parents had taught them, having never once actually thought about it and just defaulted to 'pro-life' because of being Christian. These are the same people who are generally homophobic because they think that's what the Bible says they should be. Because, as we all know, all Christians are anti-abortion, homophobic, ignorant extremists who bash you over the head with a Bible if you so much as utter the word abortion. Man, those kinds of idiots are insulting to people of ALL beliefs.)

 

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