Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Would There Be Pigs at Such an Establishment? Oh Yeah, and Brain Death.

Do you guys have any idea what a vacation to a Piss Farm might entail? Or, what the hell a Piss Farm would even be all about?

I'm just wondering because while cruising behind some tourist sporting and USING his fucking video camera while driving at a whopping 12 miles an hour, that's where I loudly announced out my car window that he should be vacationing.

Anyway, I've been horrible with responding to your comments, which makes me feel like a self absorbed bitch. I have no excuses other than to plead brain-death due to dealing with lying fuckers at my wondermous hotel who swear they never received fresh towels even though their fresh towel deliverer happens to be my good buddy.

Speaking of brain-death, I have a little story that is probably totally fucking innappropriate, but I'm too tired to care. When I found out I was pregnant the REALLY BAD TIME, the first family member I called was my cousin, who also happened to be one of my best friends.

The next day she called me to check in, and explained how the night before she was crying to her friend, "My cousin Zube Girl was raped and is pregnant." Apparently, her words were muffled and difficult to understand through sobs.

Her friend gasped and said, "Oh my God, she's BRAIN DEAD!"

My cousin yelled back, "No you idiot, she's PREGNANT, not BRAIN DEAD! PREGNANT!"

When she relayed this conversation to me, I couldn't help but laugh. And then, neither could my cousin. Soon we were cackling away like a couple of hyenas panting, "Heh. She thought you were brain dead...But I'm NOT brain dead, I'm pregnant...HA!...I could see how she might've heard that though..." And so on. Twisted humor. My life's story.

Oh, and speaking of humor, I'm all giddy and honoured and shit because Kyknoord nominated me for the Best of Blog's, Most Humorous category. Wow. I don't even really know what to say.

Though, I probably killed my nomination by crossing the, "Uh, even though YOU might've laughed, that shit was NOT funny," line. Meh. Whatever. It's just another testament to the fact that humor probably saved my life. Laughing is always better than eating pills by the fistful. I promise.

I think this might rank up there with being as humorous as the movie Heathers. Which I thought was pretty funny. In a dark sort of way.

15 Leg Humps:

Minerva said...

You are terrific and really deserve that nomination...

Good for you girl!


Barbara said...

Wow - I'll vote for you! Congratulations!

Phil said...

Wait. What shut was supposed to be not funny? I can't find anything not funny in your post. Well, except the bit about being nominated. That ain't funny, that's really cool.

And damn, I love Heathers!!!! Kick ass movie :)

Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Storm said...

I know what a piss farm is. We (briefly) had one here in the apartment, and it was created by an adorable yet completely unwelcome mouse. I'd explain... but it'd take too long.

As far as responding or not, you usually do a much better job than anyone can really expect, so don't worry about it.

heh. Brain dead.

And Congratulations on the Nom!

Zube Girl said...

Minerva and Barbara- Thank you! :-)

Phil- Heathers is just about the best movie EVER! I can't believe I even compare a post of mine to it!

Storm- I'm glad you know what a Piss Farm is. I hope I never have to. :-)

Crazy Like A Fox said...

Keeping a sense of humor always helps get you through adversities. If you can't laugh, you go crazy.

Congratulations on your nomination.

Spider Walk said...

Hey Kiddo...I feel moved to share one of my favorite quotes. "What lies before us, and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

You are brilliant, and your humour has served you well!

Congrat's on the nomination..where do I vote?

Spider Walk said...

Damn I'm a dumb ass...lol

I found it and voted...gads..I feel like such a turd.

Phil said...

Huh? Who? What? How'd you already vote, spider? From what I read, voting won't begin until after the panelists make their nominations, which won't start until Jan 3 . . . Did I miss something? Am I blind? Am I just plain stupid? Don't answer that!

Echoes in a Nomad's Head

kyknoord said...

ZG, you deserve it. All that leg-humping had to pay off eventually.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Ummm, if memory serves, PREGNANT does indeed equal BRAIN DEAD. I have never been sleepier, sicker or stupider in my entire life, and I'm sure everyone around me thought my brain was being drained to nourish the little parasite, because my ass sure wasn't going anywhere!

(More of Bonanza's nonsense to be filed under the "See what you have to look forward to" category...)

Spider Walk said...

Phil--Sorry for the confusion...I meant to say I nominated Zube..not voted :)

lysie6211 said...

Zube you so deserve the nod. I love your blog because you have that knack for finding humor in everything. (Even the really bad messed up shit)

PaintingChef said...

If I'm not mistaken...I saw your name on there more than once my dear!

Zube Girl said...

Crazy- Precisely my thoughts. Better to laugh than go completely nuts. A little nuts is okay.

Spiderwalk- Thank you Spiderwalk for seconding my nomination! Wow!

Kyknoord- I suppose you're right. :-) Still, I can't even tell you how much I appreciate it.

Bonanza- I can't wait until that file gets pulled out so I can be bathed in all of your sage advice!

Lysie- Thank you. :-)

PaintingChef- And you, too! You are by far the snarkiest I've seen. Hee.


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