Monday, January 02, 2006

Urinus Punctuationus

Dear Pee Fart,

Come on you punk ass motherfucker! I mean, seriously! No warning? Nothing? You just snuck out right in the middle of an innocent goddamn piss.

By the time I clenched my asshole shut, you'd escaped and the girls at the sink were all giggling and shit. I hate you. As if you care.

Sincerely,

Zube Girl

PS- I notice you like to frequent public restrooms. Or maybe I just don't notice you at home. You are one cunning fart, I'll tell you that. Fucker.

22 Leg Humps:

Gary said...

I hope that happened a couple of days ago. I would hate to have you start off the new year on such an unauspicious note.

Kjersten said...

I'm cracking UP. This is the one and only reason I'm shy about peeing in public. Love it when it happens to other people though. Maybe I should just let loose and make somebody else's day.

junebee said...

Really, you should try and save it up for when you're under the covers with Zubeboy.

I did not know that New Year's farts were an omen of bad luck. I will have to make a mental note of that. If so, all of us including Branch and Blossom, are in for a very unlucky year!

Anduin said...

It is this for this very reason that I cannot pee while there is someone else in the restroom, which makes it worse because then I'm thinking that they are thinking that I'm working on something more serious than peeing and that just sucks. As soon as they leave, I can pee. Stupid pee farts. Evil little bastards.

Chickie said...

Hahahahahahahaha! A letter to your pee fart! I love it! Thank you for helping me see how normal my own actions are!

Zube Girl said...

Gary- Yep, this happened right before the New Year, so perhaps I'm all good!

Kjersten- They're just so damned unpredictable! Heh.

Junebee- Oh, you're in for it, girl! didn't you know!

Anduin- They are SO evil!

Chickie- We're all fucking normal, unlike those pretentious fuckers who pretend they don't fart. I should've just laughed out loud!

Phil said...

Hmmm. For some reason, I never imagined that you'd be embarrassed by bodily noised & functions, Zube. It's surprising.

For several years I worked at a company that employed a lot of East Indians. A few of them told me one year that it was an old legend/story/myth/superstition that however you spent the first day of the year would stay with you throughout the rest of the coming year. So, for your sake, I'm hoping this incident happened today, rather than yesterday. :D

Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Amy said...

I hate it when that happens!!!!!

Happy Villain said...

I'll take the pee fart over the cough fart or the laugh fart. Because, face it, if you're peeing, you're in the best possible place to be farting too. But if you're coughing or laughing, you could be ANYWHERE. Ugh! My first fart in front of my boyfriend was a laugh fart. Oh man, he still holds his nose when I laugh and it's been over three years!

For the pee farts, if someone is in the other stall, I flush while peeing, just to be safe. They'll wonder, but they probably won't know for sure if it was the flush or the ass making the noise. :)

Bonanza Jellybean said...

When that happens, scuff your shoes on the floor, like you're shifting your weight or something- the shoe sound will hide the offender nicely. Not that I know or anything...

lysie6211 said...

LMFAO!!! Or cough loudly.

Lisa said...

I feel your pain...

PaintingChef said...

oh dear lord. those little fuckers are the WORST!

Phil said...

AAAAANNNNNNDDDDDDDD . . . at least it was a pee-fart instead of a fart-pee or fart-poo, right?

Territorial said...

That just made my day! LOL

zazzafooky said...

YEP!!! That fucker goes completely unnoticed at home. And hell, if you do notice her, you laugh and celebrate her appearance, but only at home; that's what that bitch needs to figure out... ONLY.. AT.. HOME!

:-)

Chatty said...

OMG...that was so funny I just peed myself...I didn't fart though. LOL ;)

Crazy Like A Fox said...

As if the girls at the sink don't let out a fart or two when they pee. We've all been there. Thanks for the laugh.

mothergoosemouse said...

Come on, Zube. What you do is say - out loud, so that everyone in the bathroom can hear you - "That was pretty good, huh? But I can do better - wait a second, okay?"

If anyone can pull that off, I know you can.

Dutch Oven said...

Damn chicky, I just caught a whiff of that one (it took a few days to get to the east coast). Was that chili or bratwurst????

The way you can fix the resounding echo off the bowl is to lift a cheek so there is space for the gaseous air escape. Just don't pee on yourself.

jules said...

Oh my ... too funny!

And don't ya just hate leaving shit stains in the office PDR (private dumping room a.k.a. the politically correct handicap bathroom)

Rich | Championable said...

Damn, dude.

 

designer : anniebluesky : www.bloggeruniversity.blogspot.com / graphics : AmyD : www.amysmusings.com