Sunday, February 12, 2006

Being Born, Baby Stuff, and Throwing Balls

I'm watching born again church on tv right now. I don't really know why. Well, I guess it's because I'm not sure where the remote is and I don't feel like looking for it or changing the channel. So, I decided to walk past the tv to the computer and write a blog entry instead.

Anyway, the godly background noise is reminding me of a guy I used to work with when I was waitressing. He was born again. Well, sometimes. He would get unborn every once in a while and party down and screw lots of girls. Then he would get a wild hair up his ass, or rather, a pious hair, and he'd repent and be born again. I guess maybe he liked the being born part. 'Cause he'd do it again and again and again. It was the part after being born that he didn't do so well with.

Anyway, I was scheduled a closing shift one night, and there was a party I wanted to go to. I was frantically searching for a waitor or waitress who would close for me so that I might finish work at 11PM instead of Midnight. I happened across Born Again Dude. Who was, at that moment, recently born. Again. Or maybe it was AGAIN-again.

Z-Girl: Hey, BAD, do you wanna close for me?

BAD: *looking pensive*

Z-Girl: *impatiently* Well, do you?

BAD: I'm thinking.

Z-Girl: What is there to think about? Either you want to close for me or you don't.

BAD: I'm asking myself what would Jesus do?

Heh. And he was serious. Not a jokey air about him. I threw up my hands and yelled, "JESUS CHRIST...uh...would...uh...close for me. Yes he would."

He closed for me. I really do think that that's what Jesus would've done. He'd cover other people's shifts so they could go to parties. He was a really cool guy like that, you know?

I had a busy day yesterday. I went to Miss I's and we put together her baby bassinet. We actually thought it would be a lot harder than it was. Despite the fact that all we had to do was pop some bars into place, there was a lot of, "What the hell is this thing?" and, "Um, these latch things don't seem to be there for a reason." But, we got it done. Voila!

Isn't Miss I the cutest pregnant lady EVAH? She's feeling pudgy. Um, honey, you're KNOCKED UP! And cute as hell. I think she's ready to meet the kiddo outside of her uterus. I am, too.

After Project Baby Bassinet we went shopping for a breast-feeding bra. On the way to the store, we saw this jeep:

Can you read it? It says, "AM I SPEEDING? PLEASE CALL MY DAD," but the phone # was a fake. Damn. Still a funny bumper sticker. And the kid driving the jeep thought we were flirting with him. Which led to a discussion about being sexy from the neck up.

Then we dined and chatted. It was lovely.

Later in the afternoon I went bowling with some friends. I got a 105 and a 134. Give it up. I'm like a pro at that shit.

And SERIOUSLY? You guys think I'm kooky? Pfbt. I got nothin' on my friend Randy here.

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It's good to know that helium is just as funny when you're 30 as it is when you're 10. I feel a little better about this growing up gig.

11 Leg Humps:

Amy said...

Been around people like that... not much fun. Downright annoying at times, too.

Yippee! Welcome new renter... I was shocked as hell to see your bid on there because I thought you had completely given up on the whole "Rent My Blog" thing!

I'm just hoping that my visitors aren't already die-hard Zube fans, because that would not be worth a damn! :o)

Lisa said...

*snort* that was funny

3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) said...

Funny videos Zube Girl! :-) Good job on the bassinet too.

Came through via Amy and the Rent My Blog program.

Have a great Sunday!


txsm said...

OMG! Your friend is too funny!! Yeah, I know, it's been a long while, but hopefully that will change now that things are slowing down at work....miss blogging with my bitches! Good job on the bassinet!

junebee said...

Yeah, those born-again people can be a pain in the ass, but you can also use them to your advantage, as you found out!

When is your friend's baby due? Boy or Girl?

I saw a great bumper sticker the other day, it said "I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying." His other one said "If I drove any faster, I'd have sponsors."

Vulgar Wizard said...

Seriously LMFAO!!! Randy's a friggin' hoot! The first clip had me wondering if he was mentally challenged. The second clip made me believe he's a good actor.

Latin Lover said...

I am still trying to figure out if that was you laughing or if you had a chicken riding with you. LOL.

I'm sowwy...Don't hate me.

kyknoord said...

If I had a dollar for every conversation I'd had about being sexy from the neck up...

SO said...

Hi, I've come to you through Amy and just wanted to say hi. On the bumper sticker theme - my old boss had one that looked like a 'baby on board' sign, except it said 'ex-husband in boot' (boot in the UK means trunk!). The funniest thing is that her 11 year old daughter bought it for her!


Gary said...

Zube you are funny funny funny. And I mean that in a good way.

Zube Girl said...

Amy- Yeah, I give it a go every once in a while. :-) Mostly I get denied, though. I've been accepted twice (by you and TJ) out of the fifteen times I've bid.

Lisa- Hee. I love snorting.

3rdTime- Thanks for stopping by!

TXSM- Glad you're feeling better!

Junebee- She's due on the 10th of March, but can safely go any day now.

Vulgar Wizard- Yeah, Randy is a hoot. And quite the actor. He makes great prank calls, too.

Latin Lover- Oh my. It totally sounds like a chicken. heh. But, alas, it is my maniacal giggle.

Kyknoord- I guess there are a lot of people who look sexy in their cars!

SO- I MUST have one of those!

Gary- Why thank ya!


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