Friday, February 24, 2006

Sometimes I Get Wheely, Wheely Annoyed...Heh...That Was Maybe the Lamest Title Ever...

The other day, we were having snow removed from the back parking lot at work. As always, there was a vehicle there without a parking pass. We had every right to have it towed, but we always make an attempt to find the errant parker by calling some of the condos in the vicinity. See, no matter whether it is our right to tow them, invariably the towee gets twelve shades of bitter and goes on a rampage about how unfair we are and how we enjoy towing people and pissing them off, ad nauseum. That's never fun. Pissed off people aren't fun. Why people insist we relish in ruining their day is beyond me.

Anywho, I was calling various condos and asking if they might happen to possess a blue Durango which might happen to be parked in the back driveway and might happen to not have a parking pass on it. Most folks simply said no. One lady in particular irritated the daylights out of me.

Z-Girl: Hi! I was wondering, do you happen to have a blue Durango parked in the back driveway without a tag?

Lady: *disgustedly* Uck! NO! WE have a HUMMER!

Z-Girl: Oh. Sorry.

And I meant it. There are Hummers EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE around here. They make me bonkers. To say that I despise them would be an understatement of epic proportions. I mean, why get an $80,000 vehicle that LOOKS like it should be offroading but is too fucking nice and EXPENSIVE to actually get dirty and fuck up? It's silliness.

So, Lady, I'm sorry your hubby had to buy a car named after something he wishes he was getting more of.

The other day, this guy grabbed a luggage cart from next to the elevator, looked over at me, and asked, "Excuse me, but do these fit on the elevator?"

I replied, "No, you have to use the stairs." Heh. It took him a minute, but eventually he laughed. Because really, what would be the point of having luggage carts with wheels to schlep your belongings to your room if they didn't fit on the elevator?

Need advice? We Three Bitches need advisees. E-mail us at wethreebitches [at] yahoo [dot] com. Perty please. No question is beyond our infinite knowledge. Obviously.

Oh, in case you were wondering, I'm not going to go anon. I guess if I get found by the one person I don't want to find me, I'll make the best of it. 'Cause I'm kind of a survivor like that. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

13 Leg Humps:

Phil said...

To top it off, even if you want to take your Hummer off-roading, there are a lot of places you can't take it off-roading, because it's too frackin' huge! I've never understood the whole "I want a gargantuan gas-guzzling beheamouth that looks tough as shit and acts like it could go anywhere even though I'm never going to take full use of the capacity and never drive it off the pavement" craze. If you want a vehicle for off-roading, get a Jeep (and I ain't referring to a Cherokee). If you need the cargo room, get a van, or even a mini-van (ugh). But don't get a massive beast of a vehicle with 4-wheel drive that you're never going to use, just because it makes you feel cool while you're running everyone else off the road, blocking the view of everyone driving anything smaller than a semi, and complaining about the price of gas because you're only getting 2 mpg. Ooops, sorry to take over your rant ;)

Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head

kenyatta said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
junebee said...

Hummers are popular around here too. It's amazing how many I see. If I had "that" kind of money I think I'd buy a classic car.

Is there a sign at the resort that people w/o parking passes will be towed? I guess it doesn't matter, people don't read anyway.

kenyatta said...

It's about implied performance, Phil. Implied.

Zube: does that woman have a numbered parking space? If so, you should wait for her to leave one day, then repaint the lines marking her space about three inches narrower on each side. Do this once a week for about six weeks. Then ask her if her truck's gained weight.

Wait. That joke's a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

Black Eyed Gurl said...

Totally not related to your post, but something I thought that would interest you all the same (and really really really piss you off) South Dakota's legislature just passed a law making nearly all abortions illegal in that state. I saw it on MSNBC and there was no complete story on it yet, so keep your eye out for it.

BTW: I love the raft of cookie crisp!

Zube Girl said...

Phil- I'm glad to know I'm not alone. And yes, Hummers are far to wide and have too big of a turning radius to go on any decent trails. I will say, though, that I tooled around in my Sport Cherokee, and she did pretty well. Kept up with souped up jeeps MOST of the time. Far better than a Hummer!

Junebee- Yeah, there are signs. People just ignore them, or figure we won't tow them or whatever. I'd buy real estate if I had that kind of extra money!

Kenyatta- I would LOVE to do that! Heh. But, the spots aren't marked unfortunately. Hmmm...Maybe it's time to assign parking. We could make ALL of the spots too small.

Black Eyed Gurl- Hey, I've been keeping an eye on the South Dakota thing. I'm scared. Very scared. And pretty sad about it, too.

PaintingChef said...

If you went anon...we'd find you...

Crazy Lady said...

There are Hummers every where in Vegas too. I just roll my eyes at them. Oh yeah! Might need to go off roading down on the strip. Pfft. You know the most off road those will ever see is if the driver accidently hits a curb. (ok, so they bug me too!)

Ginamonster said...

I live in the crystal meth capital of San Diego, (possibly the USA) and there are still Hummers. I really laugh at the one that lives in my apartment complex because if I could afford a hummer, I wouldn't be living in an apartment! Around here, the bigger your car, the cooler you are, so you get a lot of single people who have never driven in the dirt driving about in expeditions.

I parked illegally at a ski place once. My car disappeared. I was greatful that they moved it instead of towing it because it only cost me $50 to be told where it was instead of $200 for impound. Vacationers are just assholes, really.

Chickie said...

Hey, if you ever get discovered by that fucktard and he gives you shit here, then that will make it open season for me to find him and beat him down. For real.

Chickie said...

And regarding Hummers - whenever I see one I always assume the man driving it has a micropenis. Or if it's a girl driving I figure she must have a dick.

Nicky said...

Have you checked out this hummer site? http://www.fuh2.com/ It is pics of people on the road flipping off people driving hummers. And yep, they are everywhere here in FL.

Happy Villain said...

I was just asking a friend the other day why a car named Carpet-Muncher wouldn't be as popular as a Hummer. So unfair. I bet it wouldn't be as obnoxious, as costly and as ridiculously hard on upkeep. The Carpet Muncher car would be compact, economical and be able to keep going and going and going...

:) Am I wrong?

 

designer : anniebluesky : www.bloggeruniversity.blogspot.com / graphics : AmyD : www.amysmusings.com