Saturday, February 25, 2006

Today I Am...

Do you ever, when you have a free minute to breathe and relax and escape from the craziness you're convinced surrounds you, sit and think about who you are and who you were and how they were always one in the same person, yet a little different, too? Do you ever fall silent and let memories come and go as they please? Have you ever wondered, "JESUS FUCKING H! Am I stoned or what?" Heh. Me, too.

Anyway, I'm sitting here in my sensible off-white ribbed turtleneck, corduroy brown jacket, and noticeably non-ripped, non-frayed at the bottom jeans in the house I share with my wondermous husband and four crazy ass animals, and kind of giggling to myself about the many incarnations of Zube that landed me here, in this chair, surrounded by all these four-legged nutcases, today. I feel really grounded and really, um, conscious of myself right now. In a good way.

Lots of times I feel fractured from the past Zubes. I try to assimilate and accept them, but it usually takes effort. Today, or at least this minute, I am me and all the me's I've been before wrapped into one. And it's easy.

Today I am...

...The girl who wore ice blue lipstick and rainbow kiddy barrettes and combat boots in her early twenties.

...The sister who, after leaving a party with her brother at 2:00AM and discovering that a house fire had spread to an entire block of her town, rushed home, woke up her Mom, and the three of them frantically brewed coffee, gathered snacks, and packed it all in the car and headed over to the Red Cross, only to be told, "We've got everything under control. Go home." Non-plussed, they drove around the perimeter of the area and offered the snacks and coffee and juice drinks to the firemen and women, whom exlaimed, "Thank you SO much! The Red Cross hasn't been able to get to us in over an hour."

...The student who sat on the stoop outside her dorm and smoked cigarettes like a fiend hoping that her panic attack would pass because she only had an hour before her first student teaching class and wanted to make a good impression.

...The adult who always has and always will speed up and aim center when driving towards a puddle, laughing hysterically.

...The teenager who cried on her Senior trip while going through the haunted house at Disney World because her supposed friends were making fun of her again. Though she was very relieved to be on a really dark ride so that no one would see her crying.

...The daughter whose father finally pulled her aside and said, "It's okay to look me in the eye. I love you even when you make mistakes and I don't want you to feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time. People screw up," after she'd finally confessed to having gotten a DUI.

...The ex-girlfriend who stuck maxi pads all over her ex-boyfriend's car because he told her he'd rather do cocaine than hang out with her.

...The employee who worked as an aide to a Democratic politician during the Monica Lewinsky debacle.

..The girl who got VERY annoyed when people asked her, "So, what do you REALLY do for that politician, anyway?"

Today I am me. Who are you today?

21 Leg Humps:

Phil said...

I'm me. Details aren't important, because they're very much boring. But I am curious . . . what did you really do for that politician? ;)

Oh, one thing though . . . I used to aim for puddles, too. Until one day I hydroplaned & bounced head-long off the freeway center divider. Kinda put a different perspective on the whole puddle thing.

Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Zube Girl said...

HAHAHAHAHA! How funny. Actually, I did it once and water sprayed all over my windshield and I couldn't see. I've learned now to turn on the wipers before careening full speed towards really big puddles.

Gary said...

I don't suppose there's any chance you could offer coffee and snacks and juice drinks to all your readers, is there?

BTW, today I am a man who is amazed that this crazy world we live in hasn't fallen apart, and loving every minute of watching the world go by.

AuntieRob said...

I am a 50 year old woman who just finished fessing up to still having all of my report cards and class pics from elementary school (grad 1967), and all of my notes from every class I have ever taken since junior high (grad 1969)through high school (grad 1973) along with each and every text book from college (1977 grad). I also admitted to enjoying looking through all of above listed momentos and enjoying the review of where I was and where I am now. Funny you should be on the same wave-length. Must be an intro-spective moon or something!

Vulgar Wizard said...

Today, I'm the wife of a disgruntled husband and the "mother" of a crazy orange tabby who's climbing the walls because I won't let him go out on the porch (because he ATE the screen trying to get out).

junebee said...

So were the maxipads new or used?!

Chickie said...

Today I'm bloated and pissy. And my fabulous husband has said tacky things to me that make me want to kick his kneecaps off. But tomorrow is a new day. And a new me.

mothergoosemouse said...

Zube, as usual, I wish more people had your honesty and perspective.

Today I am not quite sure what the hell is going on, but I know that I can handle it.

txsm said...

Today was a cloudy, rainy, miserable day.....but I felt wonderful...because I wasn't sick! Not to mention another reason put me in a great mood....check out my blog Zube Girl and see what I found today!!!
Hee, I was so happy, I felt like a little kid again..LOL!!

Samantha said...

What a beautiful post! I've thought the same thing about my past selves many times. Would you mind if I stole this theme and recreated it for myself sometime?

Today, I am finally becoming a self-supporting family woman, finding herself in that big scary world called "a carreer life."

Al said...

ha ha! I love driving through puddles too! I always drive my truck on really rainy days to create the biggest waves.

Oh, and today I am a guy that's really fucking happy that he's living in California. It was a beautiful sunny 65 degree day and I had a blast with my son.

Happy Villain said...

Today, I'm 33 years and one day old, and what I really wanted more than anything for my birthday didn't come, not even close, but for reasons unknown to this writer, everyone else seemed to make up for it. When I feel least loved by the most important person, somehow everyone else picks up the slack and doesn't let me go one moment feeling unloved. So, in sum, today I am someone who is loved. And that's enough for me.

Anduin said...

I think all those things that make you Zube Girl are wonderful. This was a great post.

Today I am more confident in myself and my feelings than I've been in a long time. I've come a long way from where I was last year. I dare someone to mess with me now. They'll get their booty kicked.

Rich | Championable said...

Me? I'm your worst nightmare.

(God, I've always want to say that.)

Zube Girl said...

Gary- Virtual snacks for EVERYONE! WHEE! Geez. That was easy. Maybe I'll host a virtual Thanksgiving dinner next year.

Auntie Rob- Thanks for commenting. :-) How cool that you saved all that stuff! Something must be going on with the moon.

Vulgar Wizard- Ooh, some days I am you, too! And I know all about the ripping of the screens!

Junebee- They were new. Hee. I couldn't have done something that disgusting.

Chickie- There's always tomorrow. Kick his kneecaps off. Love that. Will have to use it in the future.

Mother Goosemouse- Thanks. :-) I've had days like your, too.

TXSM- Heading over the virtual casa de TXSM. :-)

Samantha- By all means, steal away! Career life IS a scary world, but you'll rock it!

Al- Today I am HELLA jealous of the guy living in California! Hee. Puddles RULE!

Happy Villain- Happy Twenty Thirteenth Birthday to You! :-) And you are SO loved. Indeed.

Anduin- I'm glad you are in a better place, Anduin! Isn't that an awesome feeling?

Rich- And today you DID! Heh. But hopefully you're not worse than the nightmares I was having the other night. They were SCARY.

Angela said...

The maxi pads! LOL you are a fucking genius, Zube Girl!
I still aim for puddles. With my car and my feet. :)

p.s. - your dad sounds like a hell of a man.

hotdrwife said...

I am the person that needed to be reminded of me again, and this post has me thinking!

I love the maxi pad bit ... hysterical.

Barbara said...

I am me, trying to catch up, truly the story of my life. The fish put me behind today. Two of them died while I was on vacation and polluted the entire tank! I spent hours cleaning it. Oops, this is your blog. Glad you're happy today.

Crazy Lady said...

Today I am a exausted 33 year old woman. Sore from moving, who realizes that she really needs to get back to the gym and work on her upper body strength. But, knows that the bubble bath will win out.

kyknoord said...

I'm Captain Kirk and if Scotty wasn't dead, I'd really be annoyed that he hasn't beamed me up yet.

RisibleGirl said...

Wow- I really liked reading this. It gives us more of the dimensions of Zube.

The puddle thing? I used to do that until I jammed my oil pan into a bolt (somewhere under the car) because the puddle turned out to be a lot deeper than I thought...

I stuck maxi-pads and tampons all over my sister's car one time while she was parked at work as a joke, but then felt guilty that she might be embarassed, so went and removed them all. der...


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