Thursday, March 30, 2006

Wherein I Can't Shut My Pie-Hole

Oh my GOD! How could I have been so STUPID as to overlook the OBVIOUS? I'm ashamed of myself, really. You see, even after having three miscarriages, it never ONCE occurred to me to explore the possibility that having surgery on my cooch ten years ago, namely an abortion, might affect the current shortcomings of my uterus. I mean, one would think that I, having proclaimed time and again how fucking smart I am and all, would have at least looked into it. Fortunately, for my sake, the Know-It-All Fairy descended upon this blog of mine and thwomped me upside the noggin with her/his Thirty-Year-Old-Studies-Decree-That-the-Miscarriages-Are-YOUR-Fault! Wand. Well, DAMN! Does that mean that if I hadn't ever HAD an abortion, I wouldn't be having these problems? Hmmm...

Pfbt. Whatever. Before any Pro-Lifers out there go parlaying for an all out victorious conversion of the Zube Girl, it's not gonna happen. I've been there, done that. I WAS Pro-Life. I argued until I was red in the face that having a BAYBEE would be HEEEEEALING for a rape survivor. Then I got raped. And found myself pregnant. And I wasn't really finding that healing crap to be very true for myself so I opted to have an abortion. Exercising my right to choose kind of made me think that maybe it wasn't my place to go around denying others that right. So don't go convincing yourself I'm on the edge of conversion or anything.

Without further ado, here is what the Know-It-All Fairy, cloaked in anonymity because I imagine that Fairy's of ALL sorts must protect themselves from crazy-ass magic wand seeking stalkers, had to say:

Anonymous commented on this post:

I'm sorry for your losses. This might explain more...

Women who had one induced abortion had a 17.5% miscarriage rate in subsequent pregnancies, as compared to a 7.5% rate in a non-aborted group. Richardson & Dickson, "Effects of Legal Termination on Subsequent Pregnancy," British Med. Jour., vol. 1, 1976, pp. 1303-4

Women who had delivered their first pregnancy had (in the second pregnancy) the "best reproductive performance." Those who had a spontaneous miscarriage on the first had "the highest frequency of an early loss." Those with induced abortion on their first had "the highest frequency of late spontaneous abortion and premature delivery." Koller & Eikham, "Late Sequelae of Induced Abortion in Primagravida" Acta OB-GYN Scand, 56 (1977) p. 311.

(Bolding mine)

First off, I find it difficult to believe that you are sorry for my losses. Given that the thirty year old research you've quoted can be found on every Pro-Life website from here to kingdom come, I get the impression that you're anti-abortion. And that's fine. Good for you. I'll fight ya tooth and nail if your goal is to outlaw abortion, but I support your right to feel how you feel about it. Though it seems like, rather than feeling any sort of sympathy for my losses, you're rubbing them in my face and you could say that I don't fancy that so much. Let's not keep up with the facade that you've got any sympathy for me, allrighty?

I do find it interesting that these studies are so damn old. Really. So old that they took place not long after the legalization of abortion in Britain and the US. Which, at least to me, means that the subjects involved in the studies just might have had illegal abortions. And illegal abortions are often not done properly and CAN lead to damage to the reproductive organs. Just for fun, here is a link to a site where the findings of those studies are disputed.

To make you feel a little better about my current state of affairs, after my second miscarriage, one of the first questions I asked my doctor was whether or not he believed my previous abortion could have anything to do with it. He said, "Absolutely not. There is a possibility that ONE miscarriage might be the result of the embryo trying to implant in scar tissue, but if you had a legal first-trimester abortion with no complications and follow-up care, scar tissue would be minimal, and the odds of an embryo attempting to implant in that same exact spot are very, very slim. In fact, it's promising that you have carried a pregnancy further in the past. At least we know that you can." Are ya all warm and fuzzy now? Good.

Lastly, what in the HELL were you thinking making a comment like that on such an emotional post? I mean, come on! Fortunately, I'm far too self-assured to let it bother me, but I have to believe you were trying to induce guilt where none existed. What if I weren't so comfy-cozy with the choice I made? What kind of FUCKED UP ASSHOLE would you be telling an obviously grieving woman that she was responsible for the loss of her pregnancies? A CUNT-LIKE ASSHOLE, comes to mind. And not only because CUNT is one of my most favorite words, either.

And, you know what else kills me? How some Pro-Life people will go around lamenting the badness of abortion, and how they want better for women and blah blah blah and they give hugs and love and support with reckless abandon to women who regret and feel guilty and pray to God for forgiveness for their abortions and any women that create memorial websites in honor of their aborted BAYBEES get coddled and forgiven and paraded about as a reason that abortion is bad because JUST LOOK AT HOW GUILTY AND HORRIBLE THEY ALL FEEL! But show them a woman who is comfortable with the choice she made and doesn't feel guilty, a woman like me, and these same Pro-Lifers POUNCE at the opportunity to create guilt where none exists! I've seen it and experienced it a million times and I have to ask: If abortion is SO HORRIBLE because it makes some women feel guilty, well then, what does that say about you? Huh?

41 Leg Humps:

Phil said...

Zube, I'm sensing a touch of irritation here. Maybe you should really let loose, and get it off your chest, rather than this subtle innuendo and dancing around the subject. ;)

Seriously, there are too many dipshits out there that have to tear others down in order to make themselves feel good. Somehow, they think that by destroying others, it means that they're closer to God. Fuckwipes. And I love it when someone they try it with stands up and shoves it down their throat. Good for you, Zube. :)

Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Zube said...

Heh. Oops! Were my issues showing! I really should get a longer skirt!

And I said it didn't bother me, but what I really meant is that the comment didn't make me doubt one bit that my miscarriages have nothing to do with my abortion. It doesn't hurt MY feelings. What bothers me is that there are some people out there who are maybe a little more tender and a comment like that might really fuck with them, you know?

Happy Villain said...

My dear, if there weren't enough reasons to celebrate your presence in this world, the fact that you can intellectually argue against ignorance (like that of your anonymous commenter), defending your choices and illustrating some of the most insensitive bullshit around, all the while dealing with all the emotional stuff you're going through... well, you are really something, Zube! *HUGS*

And, if I'm not mistaken, this might be the very first time I've seen Phil so charged up that he actually swore. So, again, way to go Zube!


Anonymous said...

Dude, I got you back. Tell Mz. Anonymous Bitch to at least give us her name, fucker. Don't get me fired up or I will be sending Miss I wrath on her and that would be a bad thing as we know. Don't let Mz Pro Life affect you, you have too many awesome people who love you and are not quoting stats from three decades ago. Nice try beatch.

Anonymous said...

Applauding and cheering loudly for Zube girl. Ya stated it so well. And might I add that if Anonymous felt so stongly about his/her own opinion then he/she should have had enough balls to put their name to it! Chickenshit! I hate people like that!
Plus as a nurse I can tell ya that your doc was being straight with you. Those 1976 findings that were quoted are bogus! Skewed to favor the almighty pro life people.

Anonymous said...

Heh. I've been waiting all day for the post after getting the preview. :)

I think PC and I are still up for a beat-down, though.

And to state the obvious again... what an ASSHOLE. Pure and simple. Let people grieve, man, and keep your politics out of it.

Zube said...

Happy Villain- Thank you!

Ms. I- Hey! You commented on my blog! Thanks for having my back and fuck people who don't have the balls to own up to what they say! :-) Give Alex a kiss for me!

Nicky- Thank you for weighing in on the subject as a nurse. I really do appreciate that.

Mamma Mia said...

I am proud of you for me, I had a aportion years ago and every once in a while you remind me that you can be strong and not feel bad.It is a breath of fresh air, thank you.

Karen said...

It always amazes me how chicken-shit anonymous commenters think their vitriole will make any impact, and not be seen for what it is: diarehha of the fingers.

To quote a more enlightened source: YOU GO GIRL! :)

Storm said...

GOOD FOR YOU. That's all I can say, really, because you covered everything else.

Vic said...

I am so amazed at how well you handled this asshole. Who does things like this? I can't even find any more words. You are so brave Zube and way classier than I think I could be given the idiocy of the comment!

You just impress the hell out of me. Really.

Ginamonster said...

YEAH. I just didn't want to feel left out of the commenting.


Zube said...

Bonanza- It took a while! Sorry to leave you hanging. And seriously, I'm so with you on your last sentence.

Kylei- No problem, girl. See, we've all got our own moral compasses and no one can define how we feel except for ourselves. It's okay. You're okay. You made a choice, and it was yours to make. I'm glad I can make you feel better.

Vixen- You know, I'd have received it WAY differently if it weren't a pot-shot from out of nowhere...I mean NO ONE! I agree. Be an upfront ASS if you're gonna be an ASS at all.

Storm- Thank you! I just kept going and going and going! Oops! I think I covered a bunch here.

Vic- See, sometimes, I reread and I'm like WOAH with the mouth girlfriend! Thanks for calling me classy. :-)

Ginamonster- Thanks for the kisses! :-)

Crazy Lady said...

Wow, for a pro-life christian, Anonymous forgot one of the basic tennats of the christian faith "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" I am willing to bet that if someone attacked her over an emotional personal issue, she would be very upset. Somepeople are so self-rightous they cannot see past the end of their nose.

Crazy Like A Fox said...

What an asshole. To leave a comment like that when someone is grieving is beyond thoughtless. How dare they use your tragedy as a platform for their political agenda. Some people need to be bitch slapped.

Chickie said...

Whew, I started reading and after the first paragraph I thought that you'd lost your mind. Glad I finished the post!

You are amazingly well-spoken.

justdawn said...

Well spoken, Zube!!!

And to your Anonymous Assclown Commenter...God doesn't love it when you berate people for making their own choices.

Oh, and if you don't have anything NICE to say during someone's DIFFICULT FUCKING TIME...then back the fuck off! Z-Girl didn't deserve your holier than thou assvice and neither does anyone else.

Here is a little homework assignment for you...look up compassion in the dictionary.

Brigitte said...

I am a Christian, anyone who has read my blog knows that. And one thing that makes me sad is when other Christians judge people for the choices they have made and throw "stats" at them, that is exactly what puts people off us Christian folk, those who are "quick to judge."

The greatest commandment we were given was to love one another and not to judge (Matt 7).

You are surely one of the strongest women out there that I know and since reading your blog I have learned SO much because no-one else is willing to talk about their abortions due to the "stigma" that gets attached to them the way you do. I do know lots of women who have had alot of micarriages and never had an abortion. I really don't believe that that has anything to do with it, if it did, as you say - your doctor would have made that clear to you already.


AngelConradie said...

yay zube! i could not have said it better- especially since i have something in common with you and possible problems with another pregnancy concerned me too for a long time! i say give her/him both barrels all over again... and then smile!!

Karen said...

I have to comment again. I agree 100% that abortions do not cause multiple miscarriages, if any at all. I got pregnant once, and miscarried in my 5th month. I never got pregnant before that, and saddly, never did after.

Anonymous needs to pray to his god and ask for forgiveness. And I can assure you, his god is not my God.

Anonymous said...

Blimey, some anonymous people have too much spare time if you ask me. That's obviously a pre-written statement, and mr/ms fuckhead obviously spends a good portion of their day looking for blogs from women in a similar situation, just so they can paste their piece of crap statement into their comments and feel like they've achieved something. Anyone who paid any attention to your blog would know that you are far too intelligent for that shit. I mean, research from the 1970's??? I'm a research psychologist, and I rarely touch research from before the 90's - unless it was ground breaking and was replicated with similar outcomes RECENTLY. Stupid, narrow-minded people like that just serve to make people like you shine more brightly.

Anonymous said...

Gah! I absolutely hate anonymous people who spew this vile and insensitive venom.

If you (not you- anonymous you) have an opinion, take ownership of it. Even so, this was not the time or place for that comment.

There are some bloggers out there that practically beg for people to flame them. Zube is NOT one of those bloggers.

I do not understand why there are people who feel that they have to pour out their words of righteous indignation on other people's tragedies.

I do not judge too many people or things, but this would be one of them.

With that said....

Zube, your family is on my blog today. ;)

emily said...

I wondered privately about whether an abortion would lead to problems...I'm glad they don't.

That statistic seems like something the governor from North Dakota would use to further his crazy right-wing agenda.

Bird On A Line said...

Just because she's pro-life doesn't automatically make her a Christian. I'm just saying.

junebee said...

Holy Smokes! I can't believe someone could be that callous. Callous and cowardly, for not putting their name to it. Even a fake name.

Then they have the cajones (that's "balls" in Spanish) to start the comment: "I'm sorry for your losses."

Donna said...

excuse my language but whoever Mr./Ms. anonymous is, they need to stfu and then shut up shutting up.

My mother's mother had 15 children. 15. Out of that she had no miscarriges but the still birth of a set of twins (well one lived for an hour or so.)

When she wasn't pregnant !?! she had problems with the endometrium and had 6 fucking d&c's. That would be one way a woman would have an abortion.

Apparently, it didn't cause her any trouble. 4 of the d&c's were before her 17th birthday. Which means, before her 15 kids. Go figure.

I'm pro choice and it's a topic like politics...someone will get pissed. But when I took my 8 year old nephew to the beach and watched in horror as some pro life asshole flew a small plane with a huge ass banner of dead fetuses on it...over the beach, where children were.

am i supposed to respect that?

Fuck him/her Zube. People are fucking twits.

Tara said...

Hey there, I found my way here via Risiblegirl. I too found myself pregnant after a rape when I was 15 years old and the only option for me was an abortion.

I do not understand how someone hiding under the anonymous tag could come and make a comment like that. I go with the age old saying that if ya have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

Seriously, making a comment like that, they deserve a bitchslap upside the head. Saying they're sorry for your losses means Sweet FA if they follow it up with something like that.

Way to go for handling it so well.

Miss Cellania said...

OK, I am reading these posts in order, and could NOT BELIEVE that nobody had answered "anonymous" in the previous post when he/she should have ripped a new one. Of course, thats the way it goes, its all right here!

There are many kinds of folks who consider themselves Christian, I prefer to follow the new testament more love less judgement model. It hurts when we all get lumped together, but I understand it, since the most judgemental folks make the most noise.

Miss Cellania said...

That should have read "should have been ripped a new one".

Judgement 1, empathy 27.

LaLa Lisa said...

Zube- You're are just such a kick ass chick. I don't know how else to say it. I have so much respect and admiration for you. You bring to light the feelings and topics that many of us would like to, but aren't ready to or just aren't willing to subject ourselves to scrutizination by total strangers. You made the best decision for you. No one can ever fault you for that. You show and educate people on the human face that is so often forgotten in the abortion debate- the woman. *hugs* Keep fighting the good fight sister! And those damn ovaries better start acting right because you have to have some serious good karma coming your way. :)

Anonymous said...

I'll never understand why trolls always tend to shitbag on the sweetest bloggers. I'd post the IP address and see how they like them apples.
Sending you warm fuzzies and hugs, Zube
xo, A~

Vulgar Wizard said...

Zube, did you throw yourself down a flight of stairs? No. Therefore, the miscarriage is in no way your fault, and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is just fucking evi. And Anonymously chicken-shit.

Vulgar Wizard said...

Evil even.

Unknown said...

Some people are stupid.

Amy said...

Catching up... it's already been stated but I fail to see where anyone might think they have credibility when they choose to leave ignorant comments ANONYMOUSLY.

Either have the balls to state your opinion and own it - or keep your cowardly mouth SHUT.

Your response was, as always, articulate and perfect!

I'm behind you 100%

Crazy in Colorado said...

People can be such twats. Whoever your anonymous person is doesn't have the balls to put a name to what they have to say - so I say fuck 'em!
I can tell you from 'sort-of' experience that having an abortion does not affect having successful pregnancies. My step-daughter was born in 1991 after her mother had an abortion the previous year. Her mother was 16 when she had my step-daughter and the abortion in the previous year was as a result of peer pressure from her family. She went on to have 4 other children after my step-daughter. Her abortion obviously didn't hinder anything.

That sucks that someone would be so incredibly awful. If you find out who left that comment - I am sure a bunch of us would like to take a road trip to kick some ass!

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Anonymous said...

For someone with no guilt, you sure threw into a tirade about how not guilty you feel really quick. I didn't think you felt guilty, but now I'm starting to wonder.

I am sorry for your losses. Because I recognize that what you lost were human beings with worth. You just lost something that you wanted. You call them 'pregnancies' and not babies. You aborted one 'pregnancy' and lost others. I know you didn't lose or abort 'pregnancies', but babies. That's just a euphemism.

I am not sorry for the focus of your "pity party post". The "Why me? I had to go through the trouble of killing my first kid and now that I want kids, I can't have any." How sad and selfish is that? You only want kids on your terms. It's all about you. Maybe you'll have some empathy for the infertile couples that would have gratefully adopted your baby that you instead aborted.

Maybe your killing your first baby has nothing to do with you losing the subsequent ones, but I don't pity you.

I am sorry for your losses. I wish your children would have lived. ALL of them.

Crazy Lady said...

If you don't like what Zube has to say, don't read her blog. Attacking a person who has the courage to show her pain is wrong. It is like kicking a person who is down; you only do it if you lack the morals to know it is wrong.

Crazy in Colorado said...

Dear anonymous:
First of all - I second what Crazy Lady is saying (you go girl) - if you don't like it - get the f**k lost - don't read it. I'm sure no one will miss you.

Second: grow some balls - let her know who the hell you are. You hide behind the "anonymous" tag and post a bunch of crap that she doesn't need to read. That's just cowardly. I would have done the same thing had I had happen to me what happened to Zube

Zube - I agree with Crazy Lady - take off the anonymous thing - make these twats responsible for what they say.

Anonymous said...

What a fucking asshole!!!!! You know what Zube, give me their IP address....I'll find out what the fuck they are!!!!!!!

How dare you!!!! You little piece of dog, you are worse than dog shit...go babble your bull shit someplace else. You are a coward and aren't even worth being called a human being....

sorry Zube...I get quite pist when someone goes after a good friend!


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