Guess what! I'm special. Wanna know why? Do you have the feeling I'm going to tell you? Yes? Jesus, what are you people? Psychic? Or am I really just that predictable?
Anyway. I'm special because of my butt. "Yeah, yeah, who isn't?" you might be asking yourself. And you're right, in a way. Everyone's butt is special. But, mine? Is REALLY, REALLY special and I'll tell you why. Because it travels. It travels far and wide. It never seems to stop. In fact, it is venturing further and further from the command center as we speak and to be honest, I'm a little proud of it. It's like a space shuttle exploring the furthest recesses of space! Daring to go where NO BUTT HAS EVER GONE BEFORE! Whee!
What's your butt up to? Oops. I guess that's kind of a personal question, huh? Oh well. Screw it! Is your butt a traveler, too? You should be PROUD! Seriously! We should CELEBRATE our nomadic asses!
In fact, I think this is just the kind of thing that CLUBS were invented for. Instead of Hair Club for Men, we'll be Butt Club for Ass-Capaders! Our slogan would go something like, "Our Asses Are GOING PLACES! NYAH!"
Who's with me???
Also, I'm feeling even MORE special today because PaintingChef nominated this post for March's Perfect Post over at Petroville. How fucking cool is that?
Thanks, girlfriend. Really and truly.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Ass-capades and Thanks...
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9 Leg Humps:
Traveling ass, as in "this ass is going places" or spreading ass, as in "this ass is getting huge"? 'Cause if its the first one, I may not qualify as a member, not doing a whole lot of traveling. But if its the second, be prepared to nominate me as your president.
Ah, it is the second. You can be President only if I can be secretary. Secretarys sit a lot I think, which would lend itself nicely to my ass traveling further.
Can I be the Vice President? Because we all know that VPs just sit on their asses and don't do squat. Well, I guess they do squat, since they're sitting on their asses. Plus, if I was VP, then I might get to shoot a lawyer in the face. And let's be real--how can a self-proclaimed nomad not be an office holder in such a club?
Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head
"Oh well. Screw it!"
Dude...
Dammit Phil, I'm a VP and I do NOT sit on my ass all day. Well, I do- but I'm working. ;)
With that said, my ass has been a shrinking violet (ewwww... that paints kind of a weird baboon picture in my head because of their brightly colored butts)
Anyhoo.... my ass is getting smaller, rather than spreading, but maybe I can hit people up for money to fund our adventures.
I hear I can sell ice to an Eskimo (is that PC?), so I'd be perfect for that position.
My butt is slowly traveling beyond the boundaries of my pants, causing me to buy larger pants . . . does that count?
Well, let's see, my ass has been to Iceland, Germany, Luxembourg, a little tiny corner of France, the Bahamas and a whole bunch of US states (including Colorado). So does that count?!
My nomadic ass is special too!!!! My nomadic ass is preparing for 'Jesus is Dead' holiday weekend. You know, that weekend between good friday and easter sunday where jesus is dead and you can do whatever you want. No debauchery too big, none too small. Spread the joy!!
I'll be swimming naked in Baja and having lost of drunken crazy monkey vacation sex.
Oh The Places Our Asses Will Go:)
I, too, have a nomadic ass. I betcha my ass has actually ventured into some uncharted territory...it is just that big;) hehehe
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