Thursday, April 06, 2006

A Crazy Lady Filling in for Another Crazy Lady

I am happy to present to you a guest post by Crazy Lady in Vegas whilst I sun myself on the deck of our oh-so-fabulous room and scan our view of the ski area for Zube Boy on his board wearing his oh-so-sexy new boarding digs. RRRRROWR!


I am very happy to be filling in for Zube while she is off frolicking in Tahoe. I am jealous that she is getting some quiet time all to herself, even if she is “working” wink, wink, nod, nod* Yeah, working. So let me share with you a day in the life of a crazy lady in Vegas; a full time accountant with 3 kids, 3 dogs, and a husband. And you wonder why I call myself crazy?

Darwinism? Or a tall tale?

Sometime the other night, after I tucked my Little Man into bed, and the morning, when he woke up (after he slept the ENTIRE night without waking up EVEN ONCE) the fish in his room somehow managed to sprout legs, and develop lungs. How in the world could this happened is all very mysterious, you understand. What did they do with this new found power? Take over the world? Global Domination? Enslave all mankind? *insert evil fish laugh here* NO! They formed a fish chain; escaped out of the tank; took the entire bottle of fish food; and managed to dump the entire contents into their tank.

Thus spent, their arms, legs, and lungs *poof* evaporated into thin air. They feasted the night away, gorging on all those yummy, yummy flakes. Now, if you are wondering what happens when you empty an entire container of fish food into a tank, I can tell you. The water becomes very much like the swamps of the Florida Everglades. Green. Slimy. Thick. One of those fish, I suspect the ring leader, was looking pale and peaked; gasping for air (or would that be water?) on his side, when I scooped him out and dumped him into a mixing bowl filled with fresh water. A mixing bowl, because - where else do you put a dying fish in need of fresh water: while trying to save the fish, feed 3 kids breakfast, pack lunches, get 3 kids dressed, and get ready for work, all at the same time? All, except for the bottom feeder, were delivered to the mixing bowl, with the help of a pasta scoop, because, one of the tasks those devious fish accomplished on their night mission was to tear the net beyond all use, and then to shove it haphazardly into the small trash beside the dresser.

Oh yes, I forgot to tell you of the stench that creating a mini eco-swamp causes in the bedroom of an innocent 5 year old bystander. I spent the day at work with my lungs coated in primordial ooze, and my eyes smarted with held back tears because the foulness has followed me to work and hung over my desk in a vaguely threatening green cloud that made me feel like retching.

I can only count my blessing that my sweet, angelic little boy managed to sleep thru the entire nocturnal wanderings of his amphibious friends. Or who knows what could have happened then.

5 Leg Humps:

junebee said...

Very clever use of kitchen implements in your fish rescue.

I think it's time to lock up the fish food at night...

Crazy Lady said...

I am sad to report - none of the fish survived the swamp holocaust. They all passed with hours of eachother. It was a very sad moment, all those itty bitty little coffins (aka cardboard jewelry boxes) lined up for funeral. The dogs did say a few touching words, before they were laid to rest.

Crazy in Colorado said...

And just what exactly did the dogs have to say about the fish?
WOW girl - what an experience - you might want to contact some science nerd somewhere to report the whole thing - you never know - could make ya famous (wink)!!!

Good post!

Ginamonster said...

Ah. fish stories.

One thing I learned was, never put your beta in a yogurt cup. (they jump)

Chickie said...

Those fish are sneaky little guys. Show them the garbage disposal - that'll put the fear into them to act right.


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