Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Uranus and Fist-Pumping Like It's My Job

-You know what? Sometimes, when I'm sitting at my desk avoiding thinking about the contracts I need to write, my mind wanders a little bit. And ya know what I think about? Uranus. Like, I wonder if Uranus has Butt-Biting Spiders with Ass-Swelling Venom, like my little area of the galaxy. See! It's always been about YOU. You and Uranus. Don't you feel special?

-I've decided to tell the next person I check into the hotel, "Now go to your room," when I'm finished with them.

-I am a dork. I know. But you can be my friend. Everyone needs a few dorky friends under their belt. Or, uh, I didn't really mean it like...nevermind. Just know that if you'd like to befriend a dork, it's nice to send a message first. Because even dorks don't go around accepting friends all willy-nilly and stuff.

-It's cool when you're at work and half the power goes out. Like, the half that's responsible for the phones and the fax and the copy machine. But the half that doesn't go out keeps you up to your eyeballs in internet and microwaveable burritos. I have to admit, I pumped my fist a little bit and hissed, "YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

-Did I ever mention that I'm quite fond of pumping my fist? And hissing? No? Well now, don't you feel in the know?

26 Leg Humps:

Territorial said...

there is just something about those burritos isn't there. The bean ones especially.

I am a dork myself so we can be friends..anytime.

Still giggling thinking about the expression on the face of the next guest you say that too.

handsomeloser said...

Well, of course Uranus has Butt-Biting Spiders with Ass-Swelling venom. Doesn't everyone know that?

Phil said...

Just look at the size of Uranus. Of course it has butt-biting spiders with ass-swelling venom! How else could it get to be 4 times the size of Earth!?!

Oh, and don't you just hate it when complete strangers try to declare themselves your friend without even so much as a "Howdy doo!"??

Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Happy Villain said...

I have to tell you this, hoping you'll appreciate it because I about die laughing each time.

My boyfriend does that fist pumping thing, only he says, "RETARD POWER!" and pretends to elbow himself in the balls, then doubles over in pretend agony.

Next time you do the fist pump, try the Retard Power pump and pretend to elbow yourself in the ovary. It's good for laughs. Well, I laugh. Maybe no one else will.

kyknoord said...

I try not to think about Uranus too much. The cling-ons scare me.

adjunky said...

well I don't want to be too presumptuous (hmm.. wish comments had spell check) and call myself a friend

but your writing is too frickin' funny. And inspiring. I've been inspired to go make up a new reason to use the word ass today.

Storm said...

Yep, I'm a bit of a dork too. I'm almost ashamed to admit it. But, I'd be proud to have you as my friend.

secret said...

Well, welcome to the Dork Club...we are having our first meeting on Uranus!

Crazy Lady said...

Where else would the butt bitting spiders with ass swelling venom come from, if not from Uranus? Such a horrid monster could not have originated here on Earth.

Rich | Championable said...

Actually, I do feel smarter after reading this post.

Al said...

uh, I'd rather not think about uranus after microwave burritos.

Dork? yeah, join the club...

Gary said...

For a dork, you're pretty smart. :)

Ginamonster said...

I don't add friends without a conversation either. So, um, since I sent you ducks, can I invite you to be my friend?

Debi said...

Can I be your friend? Cause I like pumping my fist and microwave burritos...a LOT!..But ya know If Uranus has no spiders, can I go there?

Kylei said...

I want to be a friend too- pleae :)

kristinaQ said...

you are very funny and have made me laugh. let's be friends! we can be dorks together, lol.

-p.s. found you through blog advance

Effortlessly Average said...

Hey, I'm the frickin' Prince of Dorkness. Only I don't have any friends; the stack of restraining orders say so. heh. Would you like to be my friend? I promise not to let you see me peeking in your windows at night, but I"m also pretty sure I can take Brad toe to toe. heh heh!

Alessandra said...

yeah i love it when the power for some "annoying" office appliances go off and ur trusty old pc remains up and running. this happened to me once and i spent one of my best work days ever surfin the net and hookin up with cute guys at webdate*dot*com.

Rich | Championable said...

Why do I love this blog? Because I check in to see if I've missed anything, and even though I haven't, I see the line:

"Butt-Biting Spiders with Ass-Swelling Venom"

It's just heartwarming.

PaintingChef said...

am missing you. Even though I'm your google chat stalker. Still? Missing you.

Blog ho said...

i need more un-dorky friends. or at least one.

justdawn said...

I miss you, Zube...

And did you know that Uranus spins on it's side???

Kylei said...

Come back Zube I miss you!

Kylei said...

Come back Zube I miss you!

Erika said...

Forget mars! Explore Uranus!

Be well, girlie. Be well.

Anonymous said...

best regards, nice info
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