I'm Fairly Certain the Words Stripper Pole Have Never Been Uttered in That Office...Until Zube Boy and I Came Along

In the past two months I've had a baby, had visitors, travelled to Chicago not only to attend a wedding, but also to be in it, and now...

We bought a new house. I forgot to mention to you all that was in the works. We closed on Thursday. This is the third closing I have attended and the fourth for Zube Boy. I think we're pretty fun to close with.

A week or so ago, I subtly hinted to Zube Boy that my birthday was coming up. I said, "Honey, you know my birthday is coming up." He thought for a moment and said, "How about I buy you...a house?" Ha. Sure. I imagine he won't be paying the mortgage alone and that seems to violate the whole gift thing on so many levels. Anyway, at the start of closing, I told the realtor and the closing agent, in my most serious tone, that at the end, they had to sing Happy Birthday to me. They sort of laughed, not knowing if I was serious or not.

In the house we bought, there are two bedrooms upstairs and one downstairs. The previous owners used the two upstairs as one big room. One was allocated as the closet and the other was for sleeping. The realtor asked me if we had figured out where the baby was sleeping yet. I told him that eventually I'd like to have the baby downstairs, but I didn't feel comfortable with that just yet, so for the time being we'd set her up in the room the owner's used as a closet. And then we'd move her a few months or so down the road if I felt a little better about it. Zube Boy chimed in, "So, are you saying that in a few months the baby is going to come out of the closet?" Badum-bum. Ching. I said that if she is to come out of the closet in the future, it would probably be just a few years longer.

We also had to sign a paper that had our aliases listed, promising that those were the only ones we had. Actually, we had none. The realtor noted that sometimes some pretty funky stuff shows up on those reports. I said, "Like stage names from someone's college stripping days?" He laughed and said that we didn't have anything weird. I breathed a sigh of relief and told Zube Boy it was a good thing they didn't find him out.

At the end, I pointed to a post in the corner of the room and said that it must've been very difficult for Zube Boy to keep his pole dancing impulses in check.

Who knew closing on a house could be so fun. It took about two hours.

I'm up to my ears in the maelstrom that is my life these days. Not getting enough sleep. Little Zee is still waking up during the night. Moving. After moving, we have to finish the remodel on our house so we can sell it. The shit is hitting the fan and I'm trying to dodge the flying poo.

Hope you're all well. I'll keep you updated.