Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Are You There, God? It's Me, Zube Girl...

I miss my pregnancy boobs. I never was a very buxom girl. I more rocked the flat-chested waif look in college. And then the flat-chested chunker once I hit 30. And then, voila! Knocked up! With boobies! Whee!

It was very exciting to have cleavage for the first time. And I'd kind of hoped to keep at least a bit of it. Just a small crevice, not wanting to be greedy or anything. But, 'twas not meant to be. They deflated about as fast as a blown up balloon realeased unto the living room amongst a pajama clad clan of giggling school girls at a birthday party. Yup. I think they very nearly made that same pffffffffffbt sound as their blessed volume did flee.

The thing is, I never really minded being flat-chested. It kind of suited me. And I didn't really know any different. Plus I have a sweet ass, so I flaunted that. But what I'm not too keen on now is the fact that, like the aforementioned balloon in the metaphor above, when they grew, the surface area increased. And when they deflated, well, imagine that balloon again. Airless and floppier than when it was pinched from the bag. I was left with excess surface area. And decreased volume. So now, I've got small, saggy boobs. And that's just totally unfair.*

I always said that I thought implants are stupid, but I gotta tell you that I can understand a teeny bit why some women get them after they're done having their kids. Just sayin'.

Also, I can't even tell you all how much I've appreciated your comments regarding Zee Baby over here. Many, many thanks. That said, we're a bit worried about Zee Baby. And her non-crawling-ness. Not in any 'comparing my baby to other people's babies' way. But we're actually looking into seeing if there may be a real problem. I'm not exactly in the headspace to get into it right now, so more on that later. But just know that you're good thoughts, healthy hips and legs vibes would be much appreciated right now.

Peace out...

*DISCLAIMER- I hope you all know that when I bitch about ANYTHING pregnancy related, it is just, well, bitching. And I wouldn't trade my current state for the world. I sometimes feel guilty bitching. But, you know, that's what I do here half the time. So, yeah...

4 Leg Humps:

Crazy Lady said...

lmao - I could just hear the air escaping out of the boobies.

sarahj said...

Zube, don't worry about Zee baby, I just know she will be fine. There are plenty of babies who walk before they crawl, and I'm sure that's what it is. But you guys are in my thoughts regardless!

Rich | Championable said...

Great thoughts, indeed.

One of the crazy thing about kids (for me) is that there's a million kinds of "completely normal," and the unbelievable speed at which kiddies can go from zero-to-100 mph at any given skill.

I hope to be making a wee joke about your previously worrying about crawling when you post about Zee baby zipping around the house destroying everything.

Peace, dude.

karen said...

My cousin's wife told him she'd be glad to have a second baby if she could have a boob job after. She'd always been flat-chested, too, but had seen the light (read: had boobs while pregnant) and liked it. Last I checked, they had two kids, no boobs, and were cursing the lure of DisneyWorld. You have cute feet, right? So it's great to be able to see them without having to bend too much? :)

 

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