The other day I was showing Zee some photos of family on Facebook. We ventured our way through some pictures of her and Bee and ultimately ended up watching her birth montage...
She stared intently, and proclaimed, "Oh no, Mommy, my crying! My COLD!" while seeing the pictures taken immediately after her debut. And then...she said something that sent my tear ducts reeling. The photo shot when the doctors first held her next to me, assuring me that, yes, in fact, I had a beautiful case of real, actual baby on my hands. Upon seeing that picture, Zee nearly shouted, "Aw, look Mommy! You so happy see me!"
Baby girl, you have no fucking idea just how happy I was. And am still actually.
There was something pretty mind-blowing about that moment. Like time colliding. The collision of two mind-blowing moments. Every time I see that picture of us moments after she was born I recall vividly just how absolutely shocked I was that an actual, real, heart-beaty baby had been in my guts the whole time and I'd not been precariously incubating a weird tumor with a heartbeat as I'd suspected. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that at the end of the day, I'd have a baby they'd let me bring home to my own house and screw up in hopefully minor, quirky, 'Mom's Only Human' ways. Even further from my mind was that some day I'd have a little girl.
And to hear the little girl I dared dream of having once upon a time say, in her precious little girl voice, "Aw, look Mommy! You so happy see me!" packed a similar punch to seeing her upon her arrival. Not a bad punch. Actually more like a fruit punch. Nah, even better, a cotton candy punch. A cotton candy punch with a splash of vodka. It was fucking awesome. And, I'd imagine, just as dizzying.
My sweet little girl, I am just as happy to see you every day 'til
Now, for crying out loud, PICK UP YOUR CRAYONS!!! And get Mommy a tissue. Please. *Sniff*