Adventures in Highlighting...

Or

Ten Ways Your Husband Lets You Know He Loves You...

10. He highlights your hair for you. This is actually a fool proof way to make sure it turns out well, because you know he wouldn't want to be seen with some dizzy broad with crappy highlights.

9. His first and last names start with an M. Therefore, he has refined his signature down to on sloppy M. This means that since he was a young adult, he has been perfecting this simple signature because he really wants you to buy new shoes with his credit card.

8. He only laughs a little bit because you bought the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" and you think that maybe, just maybe, you're getting to be on the same page.

7. He tells you that he will have kids if, and only if, he can raise them thinking that cats are really called 'monkeys' cause you only get one shot at fucking them up, so you might as well do a good job of it.

6. You get your wisdom teeth out and he goes to the store to get you some Neopolitan Ice Cream. Then he scoops some out for you, but only after asking if you prefer more chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla.

5. He pretends to hate your cats, but when they cuddle with him, you can see him cuddling back.

4. He thinks they should make a TV sitcom about you because on your way to Home Depot, while on a major highway, you wonder aloud, "I wonder what road that is," and it turns out that 'that road' is just the other side of the highway that was divided for a little bit to go around some big rock formations. He just says, "Woah." And you turn red.

3. You mention in May, under your breath, while he's turned around, that you'd like a video camera someday, and he actually remembers and gets you one for Christmas. And, he doesn't even seem to mind that you only got him Scooby Doo Bandaids, a toothbrush, and some long underwear.

2. He's a Republican, and you're a Democrat, and he tells you that one of the things he loves about you most is your passion for politics. It's a little easier to stomach the fact that you're married to a Republican if he's a Bush hatin' Pro-Choice kind of Republican.

1. He tells you he's proud of you for doing something pretty scary.