If You Were a Fly on My Wall...

"Can't I just make the coffee before I feed you? Zander, get off my foot. Zoey, fuck. Wrapping yourself around my leg is going to get you killed, not fed."

"Geez, my morning hair is...w..wa..wait a fucking minute. Zoey! Get off my head!!!"

"Yeah. Meeeeeeeeeooow right back atcha Zander."

"Okay, Zack. Quit whining. Outside ya go."

"Zoey, get off the counter."

"I said get off the fucking counter!"

"Zander. ZANDER! Wanna treat? Wait, don't walk away from me! Ass. Fine see if I ever give you a treat again."

"Zack. ZACK! Wanna treat? Oh, you wanna come back inside first. Well, aren't we demanding."

"ZOEY! OFF the table. Yes, you! Ksssssssss!!! Don't just look at me! I'm already hissing at you like an idiot. Don't make me get up and push you off the counter! I mean table. For now."

"No honey, I'm not making dinner. It's fucking 8:30 in the morning and the animals are staging a coup because they don't want me to have coffee for some godforsaken reason."

"Zoey. Off the table does not mean get ON the fucking counter again!!! Off. Now!"

"Woah. Zander Dude. What's up with the puffy tail, and the sideways attack stance, buddy? It's only a crumpled up receipt from 7-11."

"Zoey. OFF."

"Zack, you were just outside. Grrrr...Fine, but you're staying out there forever."

"Ummm, I don't think so Zander. I just offered you a treat and your holiness dissed me. I'm the boss around here, dammit!"

"Zack, for crying out loud. I just let you OUT! Why are you scratching at the door already? Did you hear me say treat?"

"Okay, Zack..Zo..I mean ZANDER. Here's your fucking treat. Yeah, I hit you in the head with it 'cause you're annoying the hell out of me. Wh..where are you going? If you rub your butt on my pillow, I'll...ZOEY! Off!"

"Thanks for offering to help, honey, but as a matter of fact, I just folded the last shirt."

"No kidding, my love. Zoey is on the counter. You've got vocal chords. Nevermind. ZOEY!!!"

"Kssssssss..."

"Hi Zack. You know, bud, I'm glad you're comfy, but, ummmm, you're sitting on my foot. Yeah. And you weigh 95lbs lard ass, so get off. OFF. Thank you."

"Ummm...Zander, Zack was not making room for you, dear. My. Foot. Is. A. NO. SIT. FUCKING. ZONE!"

"Honey, get off my foot. I mean, wait, what did you just say? No...I don't know what's for dinner yet."

"ZOEY. Get off the goddamned counter!!!"

"Actually, babe, I just did the last dish, but, ummm, thanks for offering."

"Ew. Zack, if you're gonna lick your butt, could ya, like, do it somewhere else."

"You too, Zander."

"Okay, that goes for licking each other's butts, too. Mmmmkay? No fucking butt licking in the living room. Got it? Jesus Christ."

"Ooooooooooffffffffff!"

"What the fuck? Honey, what the hell...Hey, no licking my butt...Oh. Ha. Ha. Ha. You're reeeeal funny. But, you know, you can kiss it."

"ZOEY!!!!!!!!"