Saturday, June 11, 2005

Supersize Me

I just thought of a really great way to piss off your husband, you know, if you happen to be into that sort of thing.

So, you go to the grocery store and say sweetly while batting your eyelashes, "Honey, why don't we go buy some condoms?" Your husband then gets very excited and says, "Cool, can we buy some whipped cream, too?" To which you reply, "Of course darling."

You head over to the pharmacy section after the dessert aisle, and unfortunately the condoms are behind the counter because kids steal them since abstinence education is apparently only succeeding in making kids even more embarassed about sex. What was I saying? Oh yeah. So, you're not too concerned because this plays perfectly into your plan. Your husband says to the person behind the counter, "Could I have a box of condoms please." She hands him some regular condoms. A box of 10 to be exact.

You peer over his shoulder at the box, and say, "Oh, wait a minute. Do you have any extra large ones?" The lady gives you a wry little smile, grabs a box of extra large condoms, and begins to hand them to your beaming husband, who is proudly passing the regular sized condoms back to her.

You start waving your arms like a madwoman and say, "No, no, no! The regular ones are for him, the extra large ones are for my dildo which he shoved up his ass last night. I don't need fecal matter up in there, you know what I mean?" And then you wink and skip away merrily. For some reason, the skipping part is important. I'm not sure why.

And you leave your husband crying like a little baby. You know the dildo story is not true. He knows it's not true. But, there's no explaining that to the lady behind the counter, who is peeing her pants laughing.

Yeah. I bet that situation would really piss a husband off. That's my guess anyway.

1 Leg Humps:

zazzafooky said...

YOUZA!! You are an EVIL woman... deliciously evil!


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