Did Someone Put a Nostalgia Pill in My Coffee?

Sometimes I get a little sad when I think about the fact that I’ll probably never live in New Jersey again. When Zube Boy and I vowed to stay together forever, we were also relinquishing the possibility that we'd ever move back to our respective home states. Neither of us wants to live where the other grew up.

Still, I miss my Jersey peeps. I really, really do. My best friend, Gia Pet, is the rockingest Jersey Girl ever. She knew and loved me when my self esteem was a little fish terd on the ocean floor. She was the one who never tired of lovingly explaining that just because my boyfriend threw the remote past my head, didn’t mean he was doing me any favors. Only Dickheads throw anything in their girlfriend’s general direction.

I always listened intently, but it wasn’t until I heard that advice from my inner Zube Girl, that I actually did something about it. And Gia Pet was totally cool with waiting for that eventuality.

We were like, “The Bitchtastic Duo – Yanking Bar Stools Out From Under Unsuspecting Assholes Everywhere.” Actually, she did the yanking, and I did the laughing. Then we both did the leaving, ‘cause apparently bouncers think stunts of that nature are none too funny. Even if the lad on the floor grabbed your ass.

Now I only get to hang out with her once every couple of years, and it involves boarding planes and lots of money.

But, with marriage comes compromise.

At my work, I'm exposed to numerous couples who are in the process of planning a wedding. I often wonder, when they're all wrapped up in whether or not the napkins will match the buttons on the bridesmaids dresses, if they've really considered the things they might be giving up. Things other than, you know, sex with other people.

While you do have to make sacrifices, there are many, many things that you gain. I can't even describe the awesome feeling of having a best friend who loves you even when you leave your dirty socks on the coffee table and it pisses them off. While I miss the people who got me through my Fish Terd Esteem Era, I've found someone who loves me because of the way that era turned me out. It's quite lovely.