Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Things I Learned This Weekend:

-If your face launches an attack on your husband’s forehead in the middle of the night, he might be mad at you even though you were sleeping and didn’t mean it.

-After an evening of ‘Nocturnal Face to Forehead Death Match’, you might wake up with a black eye. And your husband might have a big bump on his noggin. And you both may, in fact, be grumpy as shit.

-You cannot, two days later, tell your husband the unprovoked ‘Attack of the Face’ was a preemptive strike for a dream you had the following night. I mean, you can tell him that, but his eyes will just roll right the fuck out of his head. The fact that the next evening you had a dream he was married to you, but having babies with some girl you barely knew in high school has nothing to do with prior skull to skull combat.

-Even though you are extremely angry at your ‘Dream Husband’ for being an Assholey, Baby-Making with Another Woman, Sack of Shit, it is not okay to be mean to him in real life.

16 Leg Humps:

PaintingChef said...

Are you SURE its not alright to be mean in real life. I'm going to have to submit my objection to that...

Ryan Franklin said...

Man we got enough crap to get yelled at for in REAL life without you cranky old biddies getting down on us for our dream mistakes too. :)

Zube Girl said...

PaintingChef- I called him up at work this morning, since I was sleeping when he left, and said, "You are so not gonna believe what you did last night!" Heh. I think I scared him for a sec.

Ryan Franklin- So, so true. I suppose you could say he gets in enough trouble in a lucid state! Or wait, is that me?

Shrinking Wop said...

My wife slaps me in the middle of the night for stuff I've never done.

"You were fondling that girl!"

"What girl?"

"The one at the zoo."

"The zoo?"

"I saw it in my dreams numbnuts!"

This is why you outlive us.

Very funny by the way.

Zube Girl said...

Shrinking wop- Ah, numbnuts. I had forgotten this insult. I thank you for reintroducing it to my vocabulary! I'm sure Zube Boy is tired of being called a fucking twit.

sk said...

OMG! My husband found your site while surfing for me on Blog Explosion (yep..that's why I love him!), and he MADE me read this.

A few nights ago, I flinched in my dream and hit him HARD in the nose. I just told him that was discipline in advance for whatever he might do later to piss me off! Too funny!

Let's see, and then there's the time I tried to..um...numb the anal area on ME with anbesol, just for..um...ease....and it got on HIS parts, and well, he was numb there for 24 hours....he reminds me of that often....

But I love the guy....right? LOL

You are too cute..I'm blogrolling you. You're welcomed to come visit, but at the moment, but of my sites server is down.

love ya!

Zube Girl said...

SK- For real, I bow down to you. For the simple fact that the ambesol story tops ANYTHING I could possibly write about. Love to you, too! No shit. And when your blog is back up and running, I'll be the first to catch up on it!

Weary Hag said...

Aaah yes. Nothing quite like a read about skull-crushing, anbesol rubbing night dreams to make my brain bleed at this ungodly hour of the morning.

I have gotten full out, completely warp-speed pissed at various lovers throughout the years for less-than-valiant shit they did in my dreams. That look on their faces when you tell them what they did is just too precious for words.
Now there's a good time!

PaintingChef said...

AMBESOL!!!!!!!!!!! I'm laughing my ass off over here!

Storm said...

ah, the memories. I still giggle when I think of the times that I smacked the hell out of mine when I was asleep.

Blog ho said...

perhaps a simple lie about how you were craving sex would have been better.

chuck said...

A little birdie told me come by and read your latest post. First time here...It would seem something similar happened with me and my wife lately, just wrote about it today.

Cool blog! I will be back...

Zube Girl said...

Weary Hag- Yes, yes. The look of horror on his face was priceless. Until he laughed at me!

Storm- Heh. We're just 'Making Memories' in bed, instead of, uh, 'Making Babies'. Now, if I can just get him in on the 'Making Babies' thing, we'll be fine.

BlogHo- That probably would have worked!

Chuck- Thanks for stopping by! I read your entry, and that is TOO funny that you just wrote about something so similar! Heh. Hope Susan is recovering. :-)

sk said...

Yes, it was "a little birdie" that referred Chuck...actually, it was a little KITTY....SK!! ;-) I also sent my friend Chickie over here. They are funny like you!

kyknoord said...

Fortunately for me, my wife only dreams about other men. Hang on...

Zube Girl said...

SK- Thanks!

Kyknoord- Uh, lucky you? ;-)

 

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