Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Comic Relief

The night of Zube Boy's accident, we arrived at the emergency room, and he was immediately plopped into a wheelchair and wheeled through the ER doors. I sat in the waiting room with our friend, The Englishman, twiddling my thumbs when all of the sudden, something dawned on me.

Z-Girl: Umm, hey, Englishman. Do you think I'm allowed to like, be back there with him?

Englishman: Well, duh, you're married. What the hell are you doing out here in the waiting room.

Z-Girl: Huh. I guess you're right.

I approached the receptionist, and asked to be with my husband. She said, "Oh, that's your husband? Of course! Actually, would you fill out his paperwork while you're back there?" I replied, "Of course," and was shuffled back to where my injured man lay.

Z-Girl: Hi my honey!

Z-Boy: Hi honey.

Z-Girl: Does it hurt?

Z-Boy: Yeah. It hurts a lot.

Z-Girl: I'm sorry. Well, in other news, I really feel like your wife. They gave me your paperwork to fill out.

Z-Boy: *groaning in pain*

Z-Girl: Let's see what we have here. Hmmm...DNR? Honey, doesn't that mean Do Not Resucitate?

Z-Boy: Heh.

Z-Girl: Okay then, DNR...Check. Hmmm...Have you ever felt threathened by your spouse?

Z-Boy: Well...

Z-Girl: Shush. That would be a no. No...Check.

Z-Boy: But sometimes, honey...

Z-Girl: I don't wanna hear it. If you so much as insinuate that I threaten you, I'll slap you silly.

Z-Boy: Hee.

Z-Girl: I love you, honey.

Z-Boy: I love you, too.

As we were heading home from the ER...

Z-Boy: Honey...

Z-Girl: Yup.

Z-Boy: Thank you for making me laugh in there.

Z-Girl: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Hee. That was kind of awesome. You know what?

Z-Boy: What?

Z-Girl: I really didn't check DNR.

Z-Boy: Well, I fucking hope not!

PS- Please forgive gratuitous use of the word 'honey'. He was all injured and shit.

12 Leg Humps:

Anonymous said...

DNR... Around here that would also mean the Department of Natural Resources, which handles your OTHER DNR when you get your ass shot off in the woods by a deer hunter with a case of Miller Lite.

Seriously, don't you love those "Holy Shit- I'm married!" moments? I STILL get them, and it's been 10 years. :)

And you'll have to excuse Dutch Oven... I keep catching him reading your site and giggling. I think he's singing that song again to himself.

Zube said...

Bonanza Jellybean- I am SO glad to hear that I'll have those moments years from now! Yay.

And, the Dutch Oven is totally excused, 'cause his comments give me a chuckle. That's always okay in my book!

Anonymous said...

I hope to one day be as happy as the two of you :).

I love our emergency rooms:
"what's wrong with you? How did you do it? Have you taken any drugs? Are you taking any drugs? OK. May I have your health card?" *swipe* "thank you, please wait"

God bless Canada.

PaintingChef said...

I'm so glad that Patrick and I aren't the only couple who incorporate threats of serious bodily harm into our daily conversation and see it as some sort of bizarre flirtation. I mean, if we weren't threatening each other's lives, I don't know what we would do.

junebee said...

Yes, there's a sense of responsibility which you can still inject with humor (since you were saying that "sickness and health" crap is darn hard work!).

Zube said...

Casseopeia- Ah, that does sound simple. I swear we've filled out at least 15 pages of paperwork between four doctor's visits!

PaintingChef- See, that's what I find so reassuring when I read you and Patrick's conversations. :-)

Junebee- I think our vows should have said, "I promise to make you laugh in sickness and in health."

Blog ho said...

i see i need a more caring wife after reading this.

Anonymous said...

You mean expressing your love through death threats isn't normal?!

Is it also not normal to say "If you don't stop it, I'll divorce your ass and burn your underwear in the front yard" at least twice weekly?

How about "you have to go to sleep sometime"?

Sheesh... I thought everyone did that.

junebee said...

I recommended your blog to another NJ girl transplanted to CO

She just moved last month and seems like
she could use a laugh or two.

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zazzafooky said...

You guys are a funny couple. Mine and I do the whole die/murder/accident thing all the time. It's the jesting that makes it all fun. :-)

Zube said...

BlogHo- Heh. If I'm caring...Well, then I don't know what!

Bonanza Jellybean- Oh, we have been doomed by people who don't know us very well for divorce many times because of our death threats.

Some people can't accept the fact that it works for us. Whatever!

Junebee- Thanks! I'll have to check her out.

Anonymous- In a word, NO.

TJ- You are right about the jesting. I figure, if we're stuck together for life, we might as well laugh about it!


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