Dear Mom and Dad,
You guys are assholes. I know you went to Petco the other day because Mom wants another cat in the worst way, but since Dad doesn't want her to have one, you couldn't just leave empty handed. So instead of another kitty that I could snap at and gnaw on and have some modicum of fun with, you brought home this water dispenser. This evil, evil contraption. Are you really too lazy to fill my water dish twice a day?
Let me tell you something about this thing. It is fucking scary! Seriously. The other night, I was super thirsty after a long day of working with Dad, and all I wanted was some sweet, sweet H2O. I was quite excited by the newness of it, because I'm a simple dog who is all about new and exciting shit. BUT, that's where my love of Lazy-Ass-Pet-Owners-Water-
Dispenser ended. After a few hearty laps, it made this loud GLUP-DEE-GLUP noise, and it freaked me right the fuck out.
It really didn't help that you sons-of-bitches were laughing your asses off as I high-tailed it to the safety of my doggy bed. That really hurt. This is no laughing matter and your mocking me will not a good dog make. I can promise you that.
In the name of preserving what little sanity I've got, I hereby request that you get rid of that thing. I know it was $20 and you don't want to admit that you purchased an expensive ass water bowl that I don't like, but suck it up. Stick to ceramic please. And fill my dish twice a day. It's really not that hard.
I'm willing to forgive you for making me feel dumb as shit, if you will heed this request. If not, I know of some pillows that are just aching for a serious canine ass rubbing. Got it?
Love,
Zack
Friday, August 26, 2005
Fear of Water = Rabies...Or Not
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18 Leg Humps:
god, I can just see it.
animals are so funny. and jeez, doesn't it just make you laugh harder when they get all embarrassed when you laugh at them?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! My mom just got something called "The Bubbler" for her cats and they are scared shitelss of it too. I know that Belle would probably have a freaking heart attack if she was drinking water and it made that noise...You are right, dogs on the brain today.
You go for it ... do some serious humping on those pillows - leave 'em all scattered about on the floor!
My dog is all about the toilet water. Fresh and cool all the time. I have given up and pretend I don't see him. He does a better job than the husband of not getting droplets on the seat, so I can't complain too much.
He would treat a bubbly water thingy with ULTIMATE disdain.
I love it, this is great !
Storm- I love it when the animals get embarassed! I wonder if I'll be the same with kids. Hopefully I'll go a little easier on 'em!
PaintingChef- I feel kind of stupid, too! Zube Boy and I really were excited about it, and now all the 'kids' hate the thing (cats included because they saw it 'attacking' the dog with its' bubbles.
Rob- I'm sure this is what he will resort to. I'm willing to bet on it.
Jules- That just brngs a funny image to mind. Hopefully it's one that doesn't come to mind when I'm trying to get to sleep tonight. I can hear it now..."Honey, did you fart? I smell ass..."
Bonanza- Okay, so has Dutch Oven ever been on crutches??? Apparently, peeing with crutches makes a guy's aim even worse. Which was inconceivable to me before I saw it firsthand.
Old Guy- Thanks!
I could just envision your dog scampering away. lol it must have been been pretty damn comical. Did you try to encourage him to go back and drink some more to see if he would do it again?
My dog is completely immune to embarassment. When I laugh at him, he just laughs right along with me. :)
I got one of those 3 gallon auto-waterer, but he refused to drink from it, too. I don't think it had anything to do with the "glug-glug" noise . . . he just won't drink from a plastic bowl. My solution? He has 2 good-sized ceramic bowls, so I just fill them both up once in the morning and they'll last all day :)
Phil
http://nomadechoes.blogdrive.com
Zube- OMG, I am STILL laughing at the crutches!
T~ It was funny as hell. We're not coaxing him back to it, we just figure he'll get thirsty enough eventually.
Phil- If it comes down to it, I suppose that's what we'll have to do. That's funny your dog doesn't get embarassed!
Lala Lisa- Hee. That's an awesome way of looking at it!
Bonanza- It was nasty. I'm like, "You fucked up your foot, not your third leg. What's up with the mal-pissing-function?!?!"
TJ- I'm sure, like Cat-Bitch, mine mock me too, they just know I'm unstable so don't do it when I'm looking. :-)
modicum - now that's a cool word
Never had to pee with crutches. I would probably pee all over myself, then slip on it and hit my head on the toilet.
I guess I'll just keep peeing outside . . .
Dutch Oven- Good boy! :-P I'm just jealous because I can't pee outside as easily as you boys can. Camping sucks, and I can't tell you how many times I've peed on my feet.
Don't feel bad, I once had one of my dogs pee on my foot while I was bleadin the lizard on a tree.
At least one of the other dogs didn't come pee on my other foot - then they would get into a territorial clash. Terrible, just terrible.
Dutch Oven- If Zube Boy and I are EVER EVER in South Carolina, you can bet your ass that we will travel how ever many hours to hang out with you and Bonanza Jellybean.
Though, if any of us die of laughing induced respiratory failure, well, I don't know. That would suck. But otherwise, I think we would get along FAMOUSLY.
That is all.
It is so nice to see someone else who communicates so well with their pets? Do you give your animals voices? I do.
I am so humiliated that I didn't catch him before he described to the world how he can't walk 20 feet to the back door and come inside to pee. HE'S TALKING ABOUT THE BACKYARD- He makes it sound like he was doing survival training in the Yukon or something...
And we would have A BLAST! Dutch Oven and Zube Boy could even go outside and pee on bushes.
Chickie- We have voices for the animals. It's hilarious. Once, we had a roommate living with us who worked with Zube Boy, and Z-Boy was being a smartass (go figure) and made a comment about another coworker in a funny voice. Our roommate looked at Z-Boy and said, "Hey! You can't say it like that, that's Zack's voice." Heh.
Bonanza- 'Survival training in the Yukon' HA!
Yes, I'm sure they'd have a great time!
oh, I love this post
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