Through the Years

Just a blurb about each year of my life. Obviously there is more than what I've got here, but I sort of challenged myself to see how quickly I could do it. For the record, 35 minutes.

1- Lived in Bermuda with Mom and Dad on a Navy base.

2- Got a new little brother, Bro, whom I adored.

3- Moved back to Jersey.

4- Cut my own hair, and did quite a terrible job of it, but told my Mom this girl I didn't like in the neighborhood did it so I didn't have to hang out with her anymore.

5- Filled a huge brown dishwasher box full of pillows and threw my little brother into it from the top bunk then jumped in after him.

6- Got pushed into a sticker bush by this kid who always picked on me, but secretly ravished all of the attention I got from the 8th grade girls who were pulling the stickers out of my legs and fretting about the mean boy that did that to me.

7- Had a babysitter named Eva who lived next door and fed me spinach that grew in her back yard so I could be like Popeye, but I'm inclined to think today that the spinach was actually just leaves.

8- Moved from our little row home with a teeny backyard into a new house with a big yard the same day as my little sister, Hoot, was born.

9- Came home from school crying because the kids at school made fun of the Huffy bike Mom and Dad had gotten me for Christmas.

10- Had another little sister, My Belle, whom I promised to be like another Mom to.

11- Arrived home from school crying again because I'd gotten a new haircut, and one of the popular twins told me I looked like Donald Duck.

12- Asked permission to go to the restroom when Mr. Sully said we needed a flat irregularly shaped object for an experiment in science class, and Brian chimed in, "How about Zube Girl?" I cried for the rest of the period, and Mr. Sully never got me in trouble for skipping class.

13- Had my braces removed and acquired contact lenses and was deeply disappointed to discover that this still didn't make me cool.

14- Was punished when my neighbor wrote an anonymous letter to my Mom (I was told by one of her friends that she did it) describing how I'd snuck out of my window to hang out with an older guy.

15- Went to a party with a few of my friends, had a couple of beers, and then called my Mom to pick us up because there was *gasp* alcohol there, and we didn't want to be around that stuff.

16- Elected President of the County Student Council and suspected I only got voted in because I was cuter than the guy I went up against.

17- Got my driver's license and hung out with kids in my cousin's town because they liked me and were nice to me while the kids at my school didn't and weren't.

18- Arrived at college and responded to my roommate's suggestion that we go to 7-11 by asking, "Are you sure we're allowed?" I couldn't believe I could do whatever I wanted there.

19- Hung out with the most awesome people ever pondering life and smoking pot and felt as though I never wanted to be away from them.

20- Accepted a ride to the grocery store from a friend of a friend, and my life was forever changed. In a bad way, but it made me stronger.

21- Got a DUI leaving a bar to drive three blocks to a friend's house so I wouldn't have to drive all the way home.

22- Worked at a restaurant where, hanging out after hours in the bar as we tended to do, the General Manager, who was married, caught me in a dark hallway coming out of the bathroom and kissed me. I found out the next day he'd kissed four other waitresses, too, and I screamed at him, "I never asked to be a member of your fucking club!" Years later he e-mailed me an apology and said that he had more respect for me than ever after saying that.

23- Had my own apartment for the very first time, and threw a housewarming party where my Mom cried because she'd never lived in her own apartment and couldn't have been more proud of me.

24- Moved to Colorado and felt so incredibly fucking alive and scared and free driving cross country with Alexander who now holds the title for "Most Annoying Cat Ever While in a Car."

25- Mom, her beau, John, and 'The Girls' (Hoot and My Belle) visited me in Colorado for my birthday and made me a cake that turned out hilarious because they forgot to follow the high altitude baking instructions.

26- Zube Boy and I had met when I was 25 and lived in the cutest little house ever out in the middle of the woods. But it was an A-frame and the insulation sucked, so we'd be cold as shit in the morning because the wood burning stove never seemed to last all night.

27- Moved into my employee housing, saved money, and bought an ugly ass house that needed lots of love. It was the cheapest house in the county, but even unfinished, it is worth about $75,000 more than when we bought it.

28- Married the most wonderful man in the world.

29- Got promoted from 'Front Desk Chick' to 'Group Sales/Marketing Manager' at the ski lodge where I work and busted my ASS striving to learn the ropes.

30- Hi! We'll see what this year brings.