Again, I Cannot Draw Worth a Damn...And Other Important Stuff...

I kind of feel like I should be sad right now. It's normal for people to be sad every once in a while, no? And, it's about that time for me, because sad shit has happened. The problem is that I avoid being sad like the fucking plague.

I can shed tears like a champ. I have no problem being melancholy for a few minutes out of the day; like when I stub my toe and it really hurts. I'll Boo-Hoo and spew forth a string of profanities that would make my dear mother's ears bleed. I am the queen of a good, short-lived 'WAAAAAH!'

It's the real sad that I don't like so much. See, it's quite possible that I'm on the brink of a little valley right now, which I should likely descend, and sit for a picnic. It seems a wonderful place to have a glass of wine, and look up to the hills on either side. The one I was just upon, and the one to which I'm headed. And I should reflect on how nice it was to be upon the last hill, and how nice it will be, too, to ascend the next. To illustrate, I'm here:

Other than the fact that that seems like a small area for such a big stick figure to picnic comfortably on, and I'm tall as all hell, I'm thinking of other things. No matter my height, I can't see past the trees, and I don't know what kind of terrain awaits me. I worry that rather than a picnic area, I may be standing on the edge of this:

And, I've fucking been there, done that. I've leapt off the edge of that cliff, and now every time I come to the edge of the unknown, I freeze. Each new set of trees hiding what lies ahead, leaves me with an unimaginable fright. I bring every tool know to woman to avoid the decline. Stepstools, stilts, ladders...


Anything to go up and not down. If I could be assured that I would never have to go down as far as I have in the past...never need hooks and pulleys and a fucking rock climbing degree to get back up again...never need pills to sleep and pills to wake up...it might be easier to walk along all nonchalant and unafraid...up and down, up and down...until I get to the finish line.

But, no one can promise me that won't happen. Only, in a way, I can. If I put away the ladders and stop looking for a hot air balloon to hitch a ride on, I might have just enough knowhow to find the cleverest and shortest way down. And up.

I'm not armed with a map, but really, what the hell fun would it be if I was? None, I should think.