Friday, September 30, 2005

Al With Thick Stout and Coffee is Rocking Out

Al hails from Thick Stout and Coffee. He's cool as shit. He and I share a love of coffee and beer. I've no doubt that if Zube Boy and I were ever in his area, we would have a BLAST at dinner with Al and his wife Joyce. Without further ado...


Ok, today I'm here to talk to you about love and marriage from a man's point of view. Why? you may ask? Because it's a MAN'S world dammit! And don't you ladies forget it!

I like to hear it, I like to say it: "It's a MAN'S world! Woman, get in the kitchen and get me a beer. And make me a cheeseburger while your in there!! "

SSHHH....shit, my wife's coming.... "Oh that's nothing honey, that was the TV..."

Damn, I hate when she sneaks up on me like that.

When I'm not filling in for the almighty Zube Girl, I blog about beer
and coffee (with a good dose of nonsensical ranting thrown in). But this is the Love and Marriage blog, so I'll try to explain the relevance of Love and Marriage and Coffee and Beer. In my world, one set depends on the other.

Love and Coffee
A typical guy doesn't communicate like a typical woman does. Guy's just can't comprehend why it takes so many words to describe something. For instance, I woke up and made coffee in the french press this morning. If you asked both my wife and I to talk about it, it would go something like this...

You: Hey, this is good coffee. Where did you get it? Starbucks?

My answer would be: No way, fuck Starbucks! I roasted it myself and made it in the french press.

Joyce's answer would be: Al made it in the french press. He roasts and grinds it himself. I'm glad you like it. I think it's a little dark and chocolatey, don't you? My girlfriend Jill likes it this way, she'll drink two big cups to get going in the morning... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....Isn't it nice out? I'm going to get my travel mug so I can drink this when we go out.......blah blah blah blah....oh, and don't ask him about starbucks either, it's a sore subject around
here...blah my kids will start screaming NO

Nothing against my wife, it's not her fault. It's just how women communicate.

You see, guy's have to drink coffee so we can get a jumpstart and at least be able to follow along with what our wives/girlfriends say without getting too lost. I love her, so I drink enough coffee to say more than 'yup' and 'uh huh' when she's talking to me.

Beer and Marriage
Now beer? Beer makes me loud and chatty. I can almost talk like a woman after a few beers. Since Joyce usually doesn't drink. I'll come home, have a few beers during dinner, then we can talk at the same rate for a couple of hours until my buzz wears off. You see? Beer is the great equalizer. If you don't drink it, you won't ever have a two sided conversation that makes sense. Bottoms up fellas!

The bottom line is this:

Guys, If you love her, drink lots of coffee. And, if you want to stay married, drink lots of beer.

Girls, If you love him and don't plan on firing him, make sure the fridge is well stocked with Guinness and the coffee is fresh!

Well, that's my story and I'm sticking with it...

11 Leg Humps:

Bonanza Jellybean said...

That's good marital advice if I ever saw it!!!!!

Phil said...

LOL There are, unfortunately, some guys who get WAY too wordy on certain topics. I've got a friend who fancies himself an engineer (like, science dude, not the dude with striped hats who drive trains--though I think if he had the opportunity, he'd be that kind of engineer, too). I once asked him to give me a hand with a ceiling fan repair--all I needed him to do was hold the fan while I re-connected a loose wire. An hour and a half later, I was still waiting for him to get into position to hold the fan so I could take out the screws, and he was only about 1/4 the way through his disertation on how electricity is generated at the local powerplant and delivered to my house. Ugh.


Helen said...

"Believe me, it's the people that say
That the men are leading the women astray
But I say that the women today
Are smarter than the men in every way"
Man Smart (Woman Smarter) - Norman Span

LaLa Lisa said...

Haha! That's great...and just like typical conversations in our house. I've made a mental note that my honey definitely needs to start drinking more beer!:)

Amy said...

LOL - now I know why my husband always has beer in the fridge and we always go to restaurants with a bar...

Hmmm, now I almost think his beer drinking is sweet, like he does it for me or something. ;o)

Morris said...

I heard you are a lesbian.

Mr. Morris
Ask Morris

Zube Girl said...

Morris- I heard that you are hoping I'm not a lesbian or married because you are utterly in love with my ass. I'd ask you about that on your blog, but to be frank, I couldn't care less if the rumors are true. :-)

kyknoord said...

You know an idea is good when it has the elegant simplicity that one would find in nature. Whether the idea actually works is another story...

kyknoord said...

Oh - and while I'm here - I think it's worth mentioning that Morris may be confused. If memory serves, ZG said she had distant relatives in Lesbia, but her roots were mainly European.

single-woman said...

Man, what you are talking about?

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