Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Confessions

I have a confession to make. I'm 30 years old, and I'm afraid of the dark. How in the hell am I supposed to be a Mom with that little secret? You know, one day, my yet to be conceived children will be crying about the boogyman, and I'll be like, "Yeah, I know! That's why Daddy sleeps next to the closet because that's where boogymen live and Mommy wraps her blanket around her head..."

"...because boogymen like to touch you on the head, I think. But, until you get to share your bed with someone who'll sleep on the closet side, I suggest you employ the blanket method." My kids are gonna be screwed up. Heh.

When Zube Boy and I got together, one of the biggest compromises I made was giving up my night-light. He can't sleep with ANY light whatsoever. And he doesn't believe that light keeps ghosts and such away. So usually, I end up trying to fall asleep before him while he's still watching tv.

Sometimes the dark doesn't bother me at all, but other times, I'll lie awake with my mouth and nose sticking out of my comfortor (I have my own because when Zube Boy and I try to share, all my wrapping invariably leads to cover stealing) thinking about that fucking Grudge boy, or hearing noises I'm sure are the responsibility of other-worldly beings. I've been doing that since I was a kid. I just never grew out of it.

Actually, I think it's less that I never grew out of it, and more of I adopted it as my little way of avoiding lying in bed and worrying about things that are real. A Boogyman is most likely not going to rip off my covers and touch my precious head, but there is a very real possibility that I haven't always been a great person. And I'd kind of rather not think about that.

33 Leg Humps:

Black Eyed Gurl said...

When my mother was a child her older sister would make her sleep closest to the door. Her reasoning? "So the monsters eat you first, get full and then don't eat me." When my mother got married she made my father sleep closest to the door so the monsters would eat him first. I sleep alone, the monsters are getting me no matter what! So no, don't feel wierd lots of people are still afraid of irrational things.

Zube Girl said...

black eyed gurl- That does make me feel better. :-) Your poor Mom with her older sister telling her that!

Chickie said...

I can sleep in the dark but I cannot have the closet door open. That's like inviting the bad shit in. And if we've already turned off the lights and I see a door is open, Sweety has to go shut it just in case something reaches out.

Phil said...

That's why Duncan sleeps in my room. If any mosters show up, he'll either slobber them to death with kisses, or make enough noise trying to run away that I'll wake up. So, all you have to do to put your future-child at ease is let the dog sleep in their room. :)

Phil
http://nomadechoes.blogdrive.com

Zube Girl said...

Chickie- I'm the same way with closet doors. Gah!

Phil- Good idea! And see, I would feel safer with Zack in the room if he didn't try to suffocate us with his asseous odors! I wonder if the future kids would be able to tolerate it better?

hoot said...

It's ok zubegirl I am the same way I sleep with the TV on and the volume all they way down the light seems to comfort me I can't sleep without it (maybe it's in our genes). Your kids should be able to get used to Zack's smells because if you remember correctly he slept in my room while I lived there and it didn't bother me too much.

RockyJay said...

You keep cracking me up with your illustrations; maybe you could do one for my blog?

Would it help at all if you checked every darn closet, drawer, etc. in your house before you go to sleep?

It helps for me. Boogeyman's been stealing money from my wallet - every night. So. I started to hide it. It worked. Just an idea...

Miss Ann Thrope said...

I thought boogey men always went for your feet so they must never be let out from under the blankets.

Ginamonster said...

I have the same problem with ghosts. always have. turns out, I'm a sensitive. and they really are there. maybe you are too.

Zube Girl said...

Hoot- I think it is in our genes. That's why I liked going home and sleeping in your room. It was nice to have the noise. I know My Belle is always scared of ghosts, too.

RockyJay- I will draw you a picture, NO CHARGE. Whaddya want. I am an arteest.

Miss Ann Thrope- Oh, I have to have the blanket wrapped UNDER my feet, too, so they do not run the risk of being exposed. And I FREAK if I wake up and either my head or feet are sticking out. It happened the other night, when in his sleep Zube Boy pulled MY blanket off of me. I woke him up with a desparate plea of, "HONEY!"

Ginamonster- That kind of wouldn't surprised me. I've never told you guys any of the stories of a few of the old houses I've lived in while in college. And, I've had a couple of wacky experiences in recent years, too.

junebee said...

I am afraid of sounds at night. I have to sleep with a fan running. If I'm sleeping at someone's house on their couch, I can't fall asleep until the refrigerator cycles on. Or at my mom's house, until the gas furnace cycles on. I think it started when I was assaulted in college. Any little noise and I lie wide awake.

I play CD's (softly) in the Branch and Blossom's room to block out noise since we live in a one-story house. I don't know if I'm starting a bad thing, where they won't be able to sleep without music.

I like the drawing. The resemblance is uncanny...

Black Eyed Gurl said...

Oh I have a huge box/bag thing in front of my closet door, in addition to it being closed. yeah, we are all freaks!

PaintingChef said...

You are SO not alone. I hate hate HATE the dark. And like Zube Boy, Patrick can't sleep with any light in the whole damn house. So falling asleep first is the best option. Of course I CAN'T fall asleep first because it takes me a hundred years to go to sleep. So the best option is no longer an option and I'm forced to go with backup option A, a nightly half-dose of NyQuil.

Nicky said...

Closet door definitely shut and Nite lite on in bathroom even now that I am married. When I was younger, I slept just like you, with the blanket wrapped around my head or the other pillow over my head. I was deathly afraid that the boogeyman would come and steal my ears. No idea where that fear originated.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I have problems just going to sleep, even though the dark doesn't bother me, so I get it. I have to watch TV or something. I tried crocheting, but I kepy dozing while I was working and ended up with some fucked up looking stitches I had to pull out the next day.

My fail-safe sleep: the NFL films guy's voice on Inside the NFL. I hear him, and I'm out. I have yet to see w hole episode this season.

I didn't help at all, did I?

And you're a great person- sometimes it takes being a rotten one to know how to be a good one later. I hold on to that anyway...

Amy said...

My ass-monkey blacks out the whole damn house every night. Although, we sleep with the TV on all night.. if I don't fall asleep first then I end up elbowing him for hours asking, "What was THAT!?!?!" and if I have to get up in the middle of the night to run to the kitchen to get a bottle for Maggie I run very fast because the family room is very dark and I am always afraid that there is something in there watching me.

Zube Girl said...

Junebee- Well, that would be a good reason you have trouble getting to sleep. Geez. I'm sorry to hear about that.

Black Eyed Gurl- YAY freaks!

PaintingChef- Mmmm...Nyquil rocks like that.

Nicky- With you, it's ears, and with me it's hair. We make no sense.

Bonanza- You're right with the great people business. Sometimes it's just that random crap goes cruising through my head when it's dark out, and some of it is not always good. Eh well.

Amy- I actually run into the bathroom, if I've gotta go and shakily try to flip on the lights as quickly as possible. I hate having to move around the house in the dark.

Alaskan_Chilli said...

The worst thing I got when I was a kid and sometimes now is lying awake at night when no-one else is and hearing things like creaking floorboards. Especially when your brother next door snores and it sounds awfully like a monster growling so you start imagining all sorts of shit.
I would sleep with the light on now but my housemates are arses about electricity and so I have glow in the dark sheep on the wall...and I'm fucking 21...

Zube Girl said...

University Girl- I am so glad that other adults are afraid of the dark, too. And, I LOVE the little glow in the dark thingies. I used to have stars in my room at college.

Lisa said...

Z-Girl...I have nightlights all over my house...including one in my bedroom. I also have a noise machine and I have to take xanax to fall asleep or I'd be up ALL night. If I hear one creak that's it...I'm up and swearing that someone has broken into the house, with one hand on the phone ready to call 911. Screw the boogey man...it's the freaks that I'm afraid of! LOL

OK...perhaps if I laid off all the caffiene I wouldn't have so much trouble sleeping.

You are not alone!

Miss Ann Thrope said...

I have a ghost. She hangs around by the microwave and once was in my car. She just stares. If I try to talk to her she goes away. At first she'd go away instantly but now she sticks around a bit before she goes away. Her name is Claire.

My husband says we need a new microwave because it's eminating electro magnetic fields or some shit.

But the car must be doing that too.

She doesn't bother anyone, take anything or act scary, she just hangs out.

I've seen 2 other ghosts as well but neither of them were mean.

Miss Ann Thrope said...

I forgot, I'm not afraid of the dark, just bridges and lightning.

mothergoosemouse said...

Zube, when we moved out here, I was scared shitless of living in an actual HOUSE again. I haven't lived in a detached structure in over 10 years. Houses are so big (comparatively speaking), with nooks and crannies where all sorts of intruders can hide. In an apartment building, nobody's getting past the doorman without his say-so, and all of my former doormen were badasses.

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

When I was little, I was afraid of the dark. Then I realized that my nightlight was casting long, strange shadows that scared me more. The dark is good, which is why I'm nocturnal now. If there's a monster coming for me, I don't want that horrible few moments of me seeing it come for me.

Isn't it funny how blankets are the be-all, end-all protection against monsters? I have a friend whose children believed her when she said she had a special spray (air freshner) to rid the room of monsters. Now they associate floral scents as monster-free. :)

txsm said...

When I was about 14, Mom took my brother and I to the local Haunted House on Halloween....scared the shit out of both of us...yeah, I think mom has a sadistic side to her. Anyways, I've never had to sleep with a nightlight or anything, until after that night. After we got home, got baths, etc. Mom put my brother to bed, and I went shortly afterwards. I'm lying in my bed....dark....and I hear my closet door slowly opening, my eyes are still trying to adjust to the dark.....and right when I'm able to see my closet door was wide open, my brother(didn't know it was him at the time) slowly stands straight up at the foot of my bed! I screamed and proceeded to piss all over myself!!!!! I've never slept without a nightlight since....and I know it sounds weird...but we don't have a door on our closet...yeah, thanks to my brother, I'm fucked up for life!!! Not to mention Mom still loves telling that story..."Remember when your brother made you wet the bed..hee..hee..hee"

Territorial said...

I drive my husband nuts making my run for the bed and jumping in because you know the monster under the bed is going to grab my ankles.

Betty said...

WOW! My husband made me give up my night light when we got married too! Now I have to make sure I'm in bed before him and that he closes the closet doors. He takes forever to fall asleep so usually I beat him but on the nights where he's really tired, I flop around or pretend I heard something so I can wake him up. Works like a charm. :)

Cassiopeia said...

Omg. I am so happy to hear others admit that.

I will be 30 in 1 1/2 months, and I too am afraid of the dark; and the boogyman.

I must have my ear covered. I start off completely covered, but as my eyes adjust, I "peak", and can fall asleep with the top of my head exposed. Not sure what it is about the ear...

I also don't have a real bed. My mattress and boxspring are on the floor. I used to, but that involved turning off the light and jumping into bed and covering myself quickly. When I went up in mattress sizes, I never got a new bed. I'm afraid of whatever is under there...

However, if I share a bed/room with someone, the fears aren't as extreme.

So ya. I'm fucked :).

kyknoord said...

And here I thought the monsters were under the bed. Boy, do I feel like a right chump.

Zube Girl said...

Rock Bitch- You know what, I'm going to go get nightlights for the rest of the house. Getting a glass of water in the the middle of the night is traumatic with all of the running around flipping light switches!

Miss Ann Thrope- I've seen and known ghosts are around, too, and none of them have been very scary. Well, okay, one didn't feel right, but it didn't feel like it could harm me either.

Mother Goosemouse- Our first place together was a little A-frame out in Blue River (just south of Breck) in the woods. It was CREEPY! I know how you feel. Apartments do feel less scary.

Librarian- I'm going to have to save that air freshener idea! I don't get it with the blankets either?

TXSM- Ohmygawd, you poor girl! I probably would have shit myself in addition to peeing myself!

Terri~ I would like to see a gentleman admit he is afraid of the dark. I think there are some, they're just too silly to admit it!

Betty- See, they're so mean, but we love 'em!

Cassiopeia- I can't believe how many people are scared of the dark, too! Glad to add ya to our club. Well, maybe? I guess it's not really a cool club, but at least we're not alone.

Kyknoord- All this time! I'm amazed you've made it out alive! ;-)

Kell said...

So, I'm not the only one - hurrah! I'm 29, really, really don't like the dark & have to sleep as far away from any door as possible, especially cupboards, in case the closet monster gets me (I know, i know!). Luckily, I have an especially understanding hubby...

justdawn said...

I *still* don't like to sleep closest to the closet/door/stairs, either. My proverbial boogeyman always wanted to mess with my feet...not my head...so I ALWAYS have my feet covered up!

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