Monday, November 28, 2005

Hopes and Dreams...Shot to Smithereens.

Z-Boy: Honey?

Z-Girl: Mm-hmm.

Z-Boy: I'm putting together my ad for the personals and I'm wondering, do girls really like when you say that "long walks on the beach" crap.

Z-Girl: Yeah, sure.

Z-Boy: Okay.

Z-Girl: You should put something in there, too, about how you like having dildos shoved up your ass.

Z-Boy: But I don't.

Z-Girl: Yeah, but girls dig that shit.

Z-Boy: Shut up. You're just trying to fuck it up for me. You're always crushing my dreams of meeting Mrs. Right.

Z-Girl: Well, you wouldn't let me invite Eminem, James Gandolfini, and Dennis Rodman to our wedding. Let's just say we're even in the crushing dreams department.

Z-Boy: Fine.

18 Leg Humps:

mothergoosemouse said...

He objected to those guys as wedding guests? Zube Boy must not be as cool as I thought.

junebee said...

Wow, wish him luck. Tell him when he meets someone that puts up with as much crap as you do to let us know.

Zube Girl said...

Mother Goosemouse- I think he knew that I'd be too busy oogling at those guys, who are my nonsensical celebrity crushes, and forget my lines or something like that. And, I think he wanted to enjoy my undivided attention on our wedding day. ;-) Oh yeah, and he's not cool! Heh.

Junebee- I'm hoping everyone knows he was kidding! Just as he kids about the girlfriend waiting in the closet for me to run errands when I get home after work.

And, I think he'd argue that he puts up with a lot of crap, but he can get his own blog! :-)

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Make sure he adds that he doesn't shower much and is broke. Chicks dig that too.

And if Dennis came to the wedding, would you still have worn the dress since he had such a pretty one?

Miss Ann Thrope said...

Song lyrics. Michael Bolton. That'll do it.

Ow, I think I sprained my left eyeball from rolling it.

madbull said...

damn, now i finally know what i always do wrong...

ok i won't write anymore that i like evenings with a bottle of wine in front of the fireplace, wearing my sarong...

DAMN !

Chickie said...

Girls like fuzzy teeth too. That would land him a good one.

Phil said...

"Unemployed, heavily in debt, overly hairy, fuzzy toothed, dildo-in-the-ass-loving man seeks woman with pulse to share long walks on the beach."

Okay, so what's wrong with my personal ad? Why hasn't my inbox been flooded with responses?

Phil
http://nomadechoes.blogdrive.com

kyknoord said...

Was that 'beach' or 'bee-atch'?

banquo said...

>giggle< you're weird...

banquo said...

Aaaannnd I say again, after reading your last to posts and all the comments - you are weird. LOL, not that thats a bad thing, I do think though that my husband would check if I had a fever if I had to ask him about farting etc, I just dont discuss those things with him, I dunno - maybe I'm weird...

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

Tell him to say he's into ugly chicks. The hot chicks will see that and be all over him because he's not going to be shallow and worship them for their looks. Hot chicks also like guys who have a small penis because then they don't have to worry as much about him cheating. Hot chicks really like guys who are closest to their mother. Nothing sexier to the hottest chicks on earth than a small dick on a momma's boy who likes ugly chicks. He'll score big-time!

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

Not that he is those things! I couldn't possibly know. I'm just saying you should encourage him to brag about those traits, lie if he has to. It'll attract the hottest chicks to him. ;) Really. I swear.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I think these might be the best comments you've gotten in a while- I'm laughing my ass off at "a small dick on a momma's boy who likes ugly chicks."

Zube Girl said...

Bonanza- Dude, Dennis so would have worn a prettier dress than me. Maybe it's okay he didn't come!

Miss Ann Thrope- HA! Michael Bolton. That'll have all the girls running (the other way!).

Madbull- Glad to have helped!

Chickie- Mmm...fuzzy teeth. :-)

Phil- Okay, that was hilarious! Yeah, you might wanna reword that a little.

Kyknoord- I think long walks on the be-atch sounds perfect!

Banquo- Seriously, I AM weird! And it's okay. :-) I'm getting used to it.

Librarian- Ooh, we ALL love Momma's boys! With little penises (peni?). Hahaha!

Bonanza- I was telling Zube Boy the other day that I'm REALLY not that funny. I just have the most hilarious readers who make my blog what it is!

Amy said...

ROTFLOL - ok, well, I guess that is the secret to a lasting marriage, if you smash the crap out of each other's dreams you'll be more inclined to stick together because you won't think you can get any better anywhere else.

Or... that could just be the episode of Mind of Mencia I saw last night.

Territorial said...

Thanks for the giggle. LOL

Zube Girl said...

Amy- Hahaha! You are so right. Words to live by.

Terri~ No problem. :-)

 

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