Monday, December 26, 2005

Huh? What? Nyquil? And Shit That's Important...To Me Anyway

-This morning I went to work and not three minutes after arriving, my boss said, "Oh my God! What are you doing here? Go home. You're painful to look at!" Surprisingly, I couldn't have been happier to hear her say that. It's days like this that make me want to dry hump my couch. Or just lay on it. And watch Montel. Yeah. I'm all sick and shit. Still. Nyquil is the best thing ever.

-I was interviewed by Brian, a super nice journalist from Glamour magazine, back in October while I was vacationing in Jersey. He was writing an article about women's reproductive health and wanted to talk to someone who would have benefited from the availability of Emergency Contraception to prevent a pregnancy after rape. Before I agreed to an interview, I called Zube Boy to see if he'd be all cool with that. He said, "Of course, I've always wanted to be married to a Glamour Girl." I said, "Yeah, um, honey, it's not like they're going to do a photo shoot or anything. At the most, I'll get in, like, one quote." His response: "I know, but do it anyway. If it'll help other people, it'll help you, and that's all I care about." Have I ever mentioned how much he rocks with the support thing? Well, he does.

The article is supposed to be in the February issue. I'm kind of nervous because shortly after going public as a rape survivor, I learned that you never know exactly which quotes are going to be pulled from a twenty five minute conversation. I fret that they'll publish one thing I said, out of context, and it'll make me sound stupid. I don't know why I'm so worried about it. I mean, it's not like I'm being interviewed by Focus on the Family or some other crazy ass religous group who'd take great pleasure in contorting my words. Regardless, I won't really feel comfortable until I read the article. Anyone know when the February edition might come out? I'm not exactly an avid reader of Glamour, but I can't wait to get my hands on this issue.

-The ten year anniversary of the night I was raped is coming up on January 21st. TEN FUCKING YEARS! And here I am, still writing about it. Sometimes, on a really insecure day, I wonder if people who read my blog are thinking, "Goddamn, when will she fucking get over it already?"

Thing is, not that I'm over it, or ever will be, but I'm okay with it. I share because I want others to know that they can, and likely should, share, too. That's the only way to get it out. It's the reason I feel pretty damn okay most of the time. Every time I tell it, it's like I'm throwing a little piece of the shittiness away. People give me props for being strong, and while I appreciate that, I'd like to extend the accolades to folks who are going it alone. That's a bundle of shit to carry all by yourself. I know because I did it for awhile.

To anyone who has ever commented on my blog or e-mailed me to share your story, THANK YOU. My voice is emboldened by yours. I could never, ever do this all by myself. I hope you don't have to either.

-I love comedians who can't help but laugh at themselves. Not the ones who laugh just to emphasize the fact that what they're saying is supposed to be funny. The ones that are so fucking funny they can't help it and start giggling in the middle of their act.

-Zube Boy had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. I wanted to help him so I farted. Really loud. He got to work early. After calling me fucking disgusting, of course.

23 Leg Humps:

txsm said...

"Getting over it" has always sounded harsh to me, I think it's more like we've dealt with the pain, humility, embarassment, and memory of it and have survived through it and become stronger. The memory will always be there, and will always raise it's ugliness whenever we hear a song, smell a scent, hear the mention of 'his' name, or in my case, just putting on eye makeup and seeing the scar, but instead of breaking down and rolling up into a ball of sorrow, we've learned to face it forward and let go one more piece of pain and feel stronger each and every time. It's been 19 years for me, next Sept. it'll be 20, and it still rings fresh as if yesterday, but it's easier to talk about than it was 15 years ago and I thank god for Gomer, as he was an important part of helping me through. You are my idol, Zubie, always will. Can't wait to read that article.
And, as always....YOU FUCKING ROCK!

Nyte said...

Wow, todays post got me. I hadn't dug really deep into your blog yet (with the boy being home). A surviour. Go you. There is no getting over any type of sexual attack. I'm a surviour of childhood molestation. You don't get over it. You learn to live with it.
Thank you for speaking out. Hook a girl up with a link to the article if it goes online.

lysie6211 said...

You never do get over something like that. As the others here have mentioned you go on. I think it's very good that you are able to talk about it and be open. I'm sure it helps others who have been through the same thing.

Hope you feel better soon!

Storm said...

um, I think I'll get an issue of Glamour for the first time... Ever.

Yeah, the "get over it thing" isn't possible. In my mind, when you "get over" something, you've forgotten it, or at least forgotten the bad part. Not only is that not possible, but it's inadvisable. Truly, I think that the only people that would thing that someone should get over *anything* either hasn't experienced something painful or is stupid. Or both. But you already know that because you're not feeling low today, right?

Speaking of feeling low, jeez, Zube, I thought I told you not to stay sick very long. get better already! ;)

Crazy.Spoiled.bLitch. said...

Hey - if it makes you feel any better about being "Glamorized," I know the girl in the article "We Put a Molester Behind Bars" from the October 2005 Glamour. She was very happy about how Glamour treated her and her family. I can possibly put you in touch with her if it would help you feel more comfortable about being interviewed.

Barbara said...

Zube Girl - I'm an ex-Glamour reader. I had to give it up when my son learned to read. The cover reads like soft porn, but the content is excellent. If they are anythimg like they were 4 years ago you will come off very well. It's too bad the magazine is called Glamour because people judge the magazine by it's cover. They have an excellent (award winning) editorial staff that takes up women's causes. After you read this issue you'll see what I mean. February will come out in Jsnuary. Subscribers receive theirs a little ahead of the retail outlets. They have an online edition - it's possible that you'll end up in there.

Amy said...

I've never read Glamour, but will now be sure to get the February edition. I can't imagine that this is something you would ever "get over" which is more of a term you say to someone who has broken a nail or missed a good sale, it's not something you say to someone who has gone through what you have. I think you are incredibly brave to keep talking about this I have so much respect and admiration for you.

I'm so sorry you are sick. If you have a Trader Joe's nearby tell Zube Boy to pick up a big bottle of their crystalized Vitamin C... add a 1/4 tsp. to a mug of hot tea with sugar or honey it's great for a sore throat, plus all that Vitamin C helps you get over a cold faster too.

Take care... hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas!

Spider Walk said...

Your voice is important and needs to be heard. In good times and in bad. No one will tell you to shut up about it. It's your life, your experience, and your BLOG! If anyone has a problem with it, send em my way kiddo... I will give em an ass kicking they won't soon forget!

On a lighter note...

I hope your feeling a little better. I thought of you today when my son and I were watching a snowboard compitition that was being broadcasted from Colorado. I keep looking for Zube Boy on his!!

Evil Minx said...

"Sometimes [....] I wonder if people who read my blog are thinking "Goddamn, when will she ducking get over it already?""

Answer: No. Never. Never never never ever ever EVER. Please re-read this comment on any or all of your insecure moments.

And you're quite right to correct yourself. It is shittiness. (With two i's, not an i and a y.)

La Minxxxxx

kyknoord said...

Context - ay, there's the rub.

Miss Ann Thrope said...

When someone figures out how to get over any traumatic experience, (that's why we have PTSD) I hope they market it and make tons of money.

There is no getting over evidenced by every 40 year old who still talks about how one of their parents kicked the living shit out of them as a child and you can see the pain in their eyes.

If you were over it, or said you were, I'd think there was something wrong with you or that you were lying out of denial.

Zube Girl said...

TXSM- I'm glad you found Gomer, too. And you are so right about it getting easier to talk about.

Nyte- I sure will, Nyte. I'm so sorry you experienced what you did. I hope you have a wonderful time with your son while he's visiting.

Lysie- Thanks. I hope I feel better soon, because this shit is driving me nuts!

Storm- You're right. You don't forget things like that. And, I'm not feeling low at all right now. :-)

Crazy.Spoiled.Bitch- Thank you so much for the offer! Actually, I already did the interview a while back, now I'm just anxiously anticipating the debut.

Barbara- Good to know! Really. Thank you.

Amy- Zube Boy's been taking great care of me! I hope you had a great holiday! Thanks for the kind words.

Spider Walk- I most certainly will! :-) I wonder if it was in Breckenridge? We've had a few snowboarding competitions already this year.

Evil Minx- Thank you so much for the comment. And for clarifying the proper spelling of shittiness. :-) That was driving me kind of nuts.

Kyknoord- Precisely. The rub indeed.

Miss Ann Thrope- I would be lying if I said I was entirely over it. I don't think anyone could ever be. Thanks. :-)

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I know a Glamour girl?? WOW!!!! You're like, FAMOUS now. You could be just opposite Kate Moss or something. I was written up in a horse magazine a few times, but that's not the same thing. Call Glamour and tell them you need some of that free shit they get from designers before they can use your quote. (It's worth a try, right???)

And that's TOTALLY how Dutch Oven gets me out of bed in the morning too. Works every time.

junebee said...

I admire you for constantly speaking out for rape survivors and women's reproductive choices. It's your blog and if people get tired of it then the hell with them.

I will look for Glamour, which is a mag I ordinarily would steer clear of. As far as quotes being taken out of context, well, the media is FAMOUS for that. That's how crappy movies get good reviews. Some critic writes "This movie is boring, unlike (star's name) previous movie which was full of exciting, face-paced action." Only "exciting, fast-paced action" is put as the quote from the critic for the new, boring movie. Thus we are mislead.

But I read the BLOG, dammit! I know how the REAL Zubegirl thinks.

Hope your cold gets better. Nanny G and I were just talking this morning about how nasty Nyquil is, we can't even stand to swallow it no matter how sick we are. Try some homemade chicken noodle soup.

Chickie said...

I subscribe to Glamour. If I mail you the February issue that's still in the plastic wrap, will you autograph it? :)

I agree with what's been said - you don't "get over it". You just learn to deal.

Rich | Championable said...

I dunno, man. Have you "gotten over" your wedding? NOT that I'm equating one event with the other... but we are the products of our experience *and* how we process those experiences. The good shit and the bad shit, you know?

In A.A. they say "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." That's where I'm trying to be, and clearly where you're getting to.

Without our experiences IN TOTAL, we just wouldn't be who we are. No do-overs.

Rock on.

justdawn said...

How can you ever *get over it*...sheesh. As horrible an event as it was...or still's a part of you. Kudos to you for chosing to use your pain to help others deal with theirs. You rock, Z-Girl!

Wenchy said...

I think you are a brave, kickass chick... who can do absolutely anything.

All the very best for the new year.

RisibleGirl said...

Just catching up on blogs here (sheesh, I'm sooooo behind!)

Ummm, just want to tell you to quit even *THINKING* of 'getting over it'. It's impossible. You have probably found that it gets easier to live with over the years, and that should be your goal.

I'm glad that your hubby is really supportive. I finally (got married 18 mo's ago) have a supportive hubby too. The first one? Uhhh not so much. It makes all the difference in the world.

Zube Girl said...

Bonanza- Yes, I'm like, FAMOUS! Ha. Or, not really, but probably as close as I'll ever get.

Junebee- Thanks Junebee. :-)

Chickie- I will definitely sign it for you! If you let me read it first to make sure I don't sound like an idiot. IF my interview didn't end up on the cutting room floor!

Rich- You are so right. It was a big event. One I'll never forget. It'll fade, but it will always remain a part of the reason I am who I am. I don't think that's sad really. I think it'd be sad to forget it entirely.

Justdawn- Thanks. :-)

Wenchy- Best to you, too. :-)

Risible Girl- It is more than awesome to find that guy. It really is.

LaLa Lisa said...

Ahh, I'm so proud of you! They couldn't have picked a better person for their article. If the article is anything like your blog it will be eye-opening to those who aren't familiar with this issue and give strength, comfort and hope to all the survivors out there. You Go Zube Glamour Girl Extraordinare!

mothergoosemouse said...

Zube, that's really cool about the article. Cheers to you, as always.

And I wish I could fart on command. I had to kick Kyle out of the bed this morning. A fart would have been more effective, I'm sure.

BlackHorse said...

No money - no funny :) Kevin


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