Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I'm Seeing White...

There are some new people I've been seeing 'round these parts, and always attempting to be polite, I'd like to say HOWDY, even though I don't know who you are (Washington, Texas, Arizona and then some). Feel free to say hello. I promise we don't bite here. (And by WE, I mean my readers and I don't bite...Some of my various personalities just may...I'm not making any fucking promises.)


Add 7 to that shitty number up there and that is our predicted HIGH for tomorrow. And, need I remind you that when you add a positive numeral to a negative numeral you actually subtract? Yeah. I didn't have to blow the basic math teacher to get a B. Now, Algebra...

Heh. Just kidding.

Seriously! I'm just kidding...


Z-Girl: So, honey, I was thinking that an icicle would make the perfect murder weapon. Just get a hairdryer and melt that shit when you're done. No fingerprints. No murder weapon. You're golden.

Z-Boy: Why would you be thinking about that?

Z-Girl: No reason.


Check out our new TV. And yes. That is Fox News. I know I'm a liberal, but I take turns watching all of the news channels. Evens me out. Or feeds my addiction to being annoyed. Whatever.

Anyway, some dumbass sold this three-year-old 55" TV to us for $200 because the picture was too red. He thought it was broken. Zube Boy just had to adjust the color. That's it. Perfect picture and everything. Zube Boy thought he was going to have to rip the guts out and fix it; maybe buy a part or two. And it STILL would have been worth $200. Thank goddess for idiots.


See those white stripes? That's where my honey rides his snowmobile around all day waiting for chairlifts to break down so he can work his fucking electrician magic. This is the view from our street. Sometimes I like to wave to him while he's working. He never knows, though, until he gets home and I tell him. Unappreciative bastard.

Pssssssst...if ANY of my readers are interested in a ski trip like, RIGHT FUCKING NOW (or within the next couple of weeks) you should really, really e-mail me because we are throwing some AMAZING specials out there to move some leftover shit we've got. And I swear, I don't mean to go all salespersony on your ass, but these lodging deals are amazing.

37 Leg Humps:

junebee said...

That is a HELLUVA lot of snow. WAYYY more snow than I have use for.

Nice TV. Apparently the people in CO are even dumber than the ones here in FL. Great find for the Zubes though. I say always profit on the ignorance of others.

How do you get Zack to go outside and poop in all that snow?!

Spider Walk said...

Just wanted to say "hi"...I have been reading your blog for a little while now...you are hilarious!! We have the below freezing temps and the farking snow here in Michigan too...Bah Humbug...lol

Jen said...

I would love to take advantage of those amazing deals, but I am way too tied down by my animals- four dogs and a pain in the butt parrot, all of whom are spoiled as can be. They would die of lonlieness if i were to leave them. You are welcome to come down here, though.

Anduin said...

I have never been in weather that cold before. The coldest I've been in is 10 degrees with a wind chill. I thought I was going to break apart and fall to pieces. We just don't get weather like that here in So Cal. Thankfully. Icicles are pretty though.

LOVE the TV. What a cool deal and a dumb guy.

Samantha said...

Sorry, the thought of strapping boards to my feet and tumbling down a mountainside just doesn't do it for me! Though I would LOVE to come meet you guys, it wouldn't be for the snow!

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

Ahhh, I read The Lovely Bones too and think about how perfect an icicle would be as a murder weapon also. Every time I see one, I think, hmmm, I could javalin one at The Black Hole.

It was 6ยบ here today and no snow. I WANT MORE SNOW! If it's going to be cold like this, I want more snow! I'd visit your mounds (ooh, that sounds dirty!) but I have a rule about skiing, which I think I told you about. Do you have deals with plane tickets? A room with a whirlpool would be just fine to me. :)

Crazy.Spoiled.bLitch. said...

Hello!! I have been lurking in Dallas, Texas.

We are about to get some of the snow y'all have. I'm sorry not snow, ICE. They are predicting 2 inches of ICE!!!

Territorial said...

You have way more snow then we have up here in Saskatchewan but my temp beats your temp "Nana NA NA NA!"

It's a balmy -27F here with the wind right now.

Did I mention I hate winter.

Keep up the great writing Zube...your style gives me a giggle everyday!

Chickie said...

Sweety and I have had that exact same conversation about icicles. I'm leaning more towards ice bullets. That way you don't have to get so close to the person you're icing. (ha ha. that was so fucking lame, i know.)

Toady Joe said...

Hi, Idaho checking in here. And I know ALLLLL about that electrician's PFM - got an electrician of my own! Nice to meetcha, thanks for the howdy!

Phil said...

Y'know, strictly speaking, there's no such thing as subtracting. It's all addition . . . just adding a negative. Just like there's really no division--just multiplication of recipricals. So, you got screwed on the blow (no pun intended).

And actually, the perfect murder weapon is a meat bullet. Kills from range, leaves no fingerprints, no bullet rifling, and might actually go completely undiscovered. MythBusters is a great show, ain't it?

Why can't I meet idiots who want to sell their perfectly good 55" TV for $200?

Zubeboy does electrical shit in the snow? Did you know that snow is just frozen water? Who the hell is nuts enough to do electrical work standing on a frickin' MOUNTAIN of water? And as if that wasn't bad enough, there you are trying to distract his concentration by waving at him. And you wonder why he's ungratefull?

Wish I could take advantage of the amazing specials. But alas, I do not ski. Nor do I have any money to spend on such a thing. You just enjoy torturing me with these things when I can't take advantage of it, don't you?

Phil
http://nomadechoes.blogdrive.com

kyknoord said...

"...no reason..." LOL. It sounds a bit like that story where the woman biffed her husband on the pip with a frozen joint of lamb and ate the evidence.

txsm said...

I am just lovin' all the snow you've got!! We've finally got some cold weather down here in the south. The one thing I hate about Texas, you're wearing shorts on Saturday and sweats on Sunday..that's what happened this weekend. Had all the windows up, temp got up to 87, then Sunday morning, I'm flipping the heat on! Now they are calling for sleet and maybe some flurries, yeah, and everything will shut down for a couple of flakes of snow. I remember walking in a blizzard to school when I lived in Michigan...hey, I can honestly tell my kids.."I walked to school in the snow and back home again!" LOL!

Storm said...

good god, and here I am complaining about the cold here, when it's a balmy forty degrees for a high and a mere nineteen for a low. I must've forgotten what it was like to live in snow country, because I still feel cold.... Wait, I went outside today without a coat..... I'll just shut up now.

ack! I've missed so much in the past month. Well, I've gone back and read a lot, but I must say that your rant on abortion really clicked with me. I cried when bush was re-elected too. Shit, I cried when he was elected the first time.

I wish I could say that I'm back to stay, but alas, the powers that be don't like me that much. Or something like that. Until next time, take care!

banquo said...

Hhhhhmmmmm, cold weather, thoughts of cold murder - I think the weather is getting to you girl - seriously. Clever though, the whole melting thing - although I dont know where I could possibly get my hands on an icilce in South Africa - my freexer has some but they are only about 2cm long - not useful as a weapon I assure you.

Oh and about your cremation issue -you can have a place with a small headstone or something placed in a graveyard even if you are not burried there - we did that for my grandfather. So there is still somewhere we can go to "visit" and pay our respects. Just a thought - use it, don't use it...

RockyJay said...

Send me your best deal. Seriously. I'm bored.

Do they have any jobs there for ski bums? Like does any supermodels hang around this time of the year who needs a private ski teacher. Or whatchamacallthem?

King Leo said...

before I read your instructions on adding/subtracting negative numbers, I had calculated your temperature to be 3°F. Now I am wondering if it is going to be -11°F?

justdawn said...

Holy CRAP! Those are some fucking CRAZY BIG icicles!!! I am afraid that if we do any skiing this year, it will have to be in the Alps...but the next time we are in the US of A...I will consider a wintry vacation in CO:)

Zube Girl said...

Junebee- You know it's cold when Zack runs out does his business and runs back in without playing in the snow.

Spider walk- Thanks for saying hi! Nice to meet ya!

Jen- Oh, I know how hard it is to find someone to watch the four-leggd kids. Maybe some day I can head down there and get some warmth.

Anduin- I'm always saying, "But it's a DRY cold. It's different." But at these temps I do feel like I'm going to break apart, no matter how dry.

Samantha- Well, that would be AWESOME!

Librarian- I have been DYING to read The Lovely Bones. Did you ever read Sebold's autobiography, Lucky? It was really good. But, did they seriously use an icicle in that book? I had no idea. I thought I was original.

Crazy spoiled bitch- Ooh, enjoy the snow! Or not! Thanks for speaking up for Texas, as I've got a few newbies from there. :-)

Terri~ You SOOOOOOOO have me beat! Jeebus! -27. That's nutz.

Chickie- Ice bullets. Now there's an idea. And, if you don't have anyone around that you feel like shooting, you could have an alcoholic beverage. On the rocks. Heh. Equally as lame.

Toady Joe- Thanks for saying howdy back! You have an electrician, too? So cool. Not that they're collectibles or anything. I mean you can only have one. But, who would want more. :-)

Phil- You freakin' math genius, you. And, thanks for giving me something ADDITIONAL to be scare about him working, on top of hating that he has to climb 50' towers and shit! Damn!

Kyknoord- Heh. Now there's an idea! Sounds like that lady was cooking up a plan.

TXSM- See, I'll be honest, I LOVE winter. I fucking hate sweating and shit. You can protect yourself from the cold, but not really the heat.

Storm- I've missed you! And, I wear shitty coats that are form over function all winter. So I'm always still cold, too.

Banquo- See, I like the idea of having a place to visit. Though, part of my point of not being buried was to take up less space.

RockyJay- Oh, there's tons of jobs for ski bums. Not many supermodels, though. You're thinking of Aspen. :-) Breckenridge is more, um, rough and tumble where you meet tough titted bitches like me. But hey, I'm a cute tough titted bitch!

King Leo- 3 is correct! In trying to teach you math, I've gone and mixed you up. See. I suck. :-)

Zube Girl said...

JustDawn- That would be TOO awesome! :-)

Storm said...

btw, what's up with all the damn orbs? 'Cuz it looks like there's a party going on.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

The TV's GREAT!!! Glad to see he got it down the stairs and into your place OK. :)

And if the temperature reading in my car actually showed that, I'd get back out of the car and march my ass back into the house and call in. 20 degrees and I'm DYING. My theory is that if we were meant to live in cold climates, we wouldn't be hairless apes (OK, so maybe my husband was meant for Siberia)... You have my HIGHEST admiration for braving the elements!

me said...

Hi. I've been lurking here for awhile here now. I am in Arizona now, but my hubby and I are both from Colorado. All our family is still back there. We are trying to get back there. I love the blog, you are so much like me and I love hearing about the tourists..I miss joking with people about "Texas housewives and starter jackets"!

~Heather

Anonymous said...

Hi Zube!! Just saying hello from Washington. Love to read your blog.

RockyJay said...

I'm confused; you said you are "titted bitch".

Are you referring to supermodels? That those bitches don't have tits?

Or are you referring that bithces generally don't have tits.

Or were you just flirting with me? Because if you were, you better should not exercise that plan, which includes an icile and Z-boy. I'm not going to be any accessory to that. Plus, that one guy in "Prison Break" (FOX) really creeps me out...

'K, time to take my meds now...

PaintingChef said...

DAMN! FUCK! SHIT! That's COLD! It's a balmy 55 here today.

I'm not positive but I think its probably been years since I've seen anything in the negative number category...

Kjersten said...

I'll take some info on the ski trip!

RisibleGirl said...

I'm representing Washington! So glad I stumbled upon this little gem!

http://www.mostlyrisible.com

(pay no attention to my blogger identity!)

Amy said...

You know, I have never even tried on a pair of snow skis. Now water skis sure, I can water ski, but frozen water makes me nervous. ;o) I'm way to klutzy for snow skis.

lysie6211 said...

Dude. So DON'T miss temps in the single digits much less in the minuses. I do kind of miss snow. I know I'm twisted. If I had any money I'd love to come ski!

Zube Girl said...

Storm- I know! They're all over!

Bonanza- I WISH I could call in due to cold weather, especially since the heater at my work is broken.

Me- Hey Me! Thanks for giving a shout out. Hee. Texans.

Anon- Thanks for saying hello! I get so curious as to who the mystery folks are.

RockyJay- Maybe instead of 'tough titted' I should have said 'hard nosed'. Heh.

P-Chef- It's RIDICULOUS! Negative numbers suck.

Kjersten- That would be sweet!

Risible Girl- Thanks for saying hi! I love pulling out the lurkers. :-)

Amy- Yeah, I can't say I blame you.

Lysie- Oh, that would be so cool if you could come out. Just always remember, I work at a hotel.

antisocialite said...

Hello from FL, been lurking a while, cool blog! Nice snow pics. I wish it was cold and snowy here but alas, 50 degrees seems to be all the "winter" we're getting. *pulls comforter over head just in case any biting starts* ;)

mothergoosemouse said...

I know you are talking to me, and you know I really want to take advantage, but I just can't do it yet. I try to keep reminding myself that I'll be here next year and so will you (and the mountains aren't going anywhere either). In the meantime, when are you coming to Denver? It's really fucking cold here too, so I don't blame you if you would rather stay put.

delite said...

Hi again from Ohio!
Some of your weather is coming our way, and I'm damn scared I tell you..damn scared! :D

momof2 said...

Those are some bigass icicles! And as morbid as the hypothetical murder plot sounds, it really is ingenius. Do you sleep with one eye open? :)
(wondering if google's going to send you some even weirder visitors now)

Excellent deal on the TV! Here's to having an electronics mastermind in the house. Awesome. :)

Gary from Texas said...

It was 34 here this morning and I thought THAT was cold. Now I remember why I didn't move to Colorado. LOL

Crazy.Spoiled.bLitch. said...

Zube - I read both The Lovely Bones and Lucky. I saw that mentioned somewhere up in there. Auto bio was great. When is she going to write something else????

 

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