Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Kids Who Rock, and Snorting, Uh, Stuff

I’m not sure if I ever mentioned that I went to college to study Education of the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. I actually made it all the way through my teaching practicum before I dropped out of school. Going to class and shit infringed on time I preferred to spend practicing my keg-stand hobby. That said…

During my first week as a student teacher in a High School for the Deaf, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting a young man we’ll call Bob. Bob had a moderate hearing loss and was also blind. Actually, he wasn’t ENTIRELY blind. He could see a little bit. Bob had a special computer that made things fucking HUGE so he could read them by scrolling over the entire screen. He got by. And he was one kick ass kid.

I was still getting my happy ass settled and to say that I was nervous about the upcoming weeks would be a gargantuan understatement. I hadn’t wanted to teach high school age kids because I happened to look about 16 when I was in college. In fact, I once got yelled at by some old guy while getting into my car. He said I should be riding a bicycle, not an Astro van. I gave him the finger. And blew smoke in his face. Fucker.

Where was I? Oh yeah. So, I looked young. During my first week of the practicum, I had already been asked to the Prom. By a student. Heh.

One day while the kids were all taking a test, the teacher and I were making the rounds to see how the students were getting along. I happened to overhear this fucking GEM of a conversation.

Teacher: Can you see your screen okay? You’re squinting.

Bob: No. I think I’m gonna go blind.

I let out a big old, “PFFFFFFFFFFBT! Tee hee.” I love it when people joke about shit they could be crying over.

One more thing…YOU have GOT to be fucking KIDDING ME! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! I can’t believe I’m #2. If I won't swallow the shit, I'm sure as FUCK not going to SNORT it! Come on.

Edited to add: Lest you all think I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic, we can blame the wacko search on someone whose server resides in El Paso, Texas. NOT ME! Lordy.

14 Leg Humps:

Crazy Lady said...

#2!!! That is just fucking awsome!

Phil said...

So you won't snort that but you'll snort #2? That's just sick.

Oh, wait. You are #2 . . . yeah, I suppose you are the shit. :P

Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Minerva said...

I should not have looked that up in my current nauseous state....


junebee said...

I do in fact recall your adventures in special needs education because you wrote a post about what an ASS one teacher was, she said one of the kids had no ability or should be disregarded because she (the kid's) homeless or something like that.

People like "Bob" make me think I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to complain about. Which is true, in a way.

I did not know that by entering "cum snort" or something I could find your blog. I will need to remember that in case I lose the link!

Storm said...

yep, I remember the post Junebee is referring to as well.

...and didn't you know that's how I found you? Yep, it was me that searched for "snorts up cum..." Wait, no it wasn't, it was me that searched for "girl suck ass."

Unknown said...

I looked very young in my twenties too. One time someone knocked on the door to my house and asked me if my mother was home. I told them that she lives a few hours away, I'd have to call her to find out.

Jen said...

I was actually forced to refer to someone as a "cum dumpster" the other day, thanks to you. I am sure my husband greatly appreciates my enriched vocabulary. As if I was not vulgar enough already!

Anonymous said...

That's a great story. Proof that being a smart-ass can get you through anything. :)

And I don't want to know how you found out you were second on that. I really don't.

Anonymous said...

Hey thats so cool - I also wanted to study that, but never did... anyway, just wanna wish you a Zuber Christmas and a wonderful New Year. I am on leave from today and I wont be able to read your blog for a while. Hope I dont miss too much, I will be back early next year. So until then....

Al said...

uh, why the fuck were you searching for cum snorters?

Chatty said...

OMG....I don't usually laugh this early in the morning...especially out loud!

Zube said...

Crazy Lady- Ain't it, though. :-)

Phil- Heh, I hdan't even thought of it that way!

Minerva- Yes, it was rather sick, eh?

Junebee- I SO know what you mean. Sometimes when I'm feeling sorry for myself, I remember how rough others, like Bob, have it. And they still manage to have a sunny outlook.

Storm- I KNEW it! Hee.

Barbara- That is something that SO would have happened to me.

Bonanza- Someone found ME that way! Seriously. I don't know that I'm creative enough to have come up with those search terms.

Banquo- You will be missed! Have an awesome Christmas and all that. :-)

Al- No, no, no! It wasn't me! My handy dandy Statcounter showed me that's how someone found me.

Chatty- It is kind of early for laughing! Hopefully you weren't sipping on coffee at the time.

Ginamonster said...

you sent me into a coughing fit.

Crazy Like A Fox said...

I am an attendant for a woman who has Cerebral Palsy. Her condition causes her to drool somewhat. I took her to see a physical therapist yesterday and the therapist asked her if she slept on her side or her back. She started laughing and said, "I sleep on my side because I don't want to drown." She has got the greatest sense of humor.


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