Thursday, December 15, 2005

A Little Suck and a Little Wafer, Too

Zube Boy met my family for the first time when my brother got married and we hauled ass to New Jersey to attend the blessed Catholic event. Zube Boy had never attended a Catholic mass and in my purple bridesmaid gown fury, I forgot to, well, warn him about the shit that goes down at such affairs. To make matters worse, he sat alone while I sat with the other seven bridesmaids. Pews apart. Hee. Pews.

He managed with the sitting and standing and kneeling by following everyone else's lead. But when it came time to partake in the eating of the bread, he made the mistake of following everyone else's lead again. Even though everyone he was following was Catholic, and he should have sat it out. Only Catholics who've received their First Holy Communion are allowed to eat the Body of Christ.

Anyway, at some point after he had taken the bread in his hands, someone said to him, "Hey, you're not supposed to eat that if you're not Catholic." So he didn't.


The ceremony is over, and I meet my beau outside of the church.

Z-Boy: (Pulling something out of his pocket) Honey, I got you a cookie.

Z-Girl: (Realizing the 'cookie' was actually the Body of Christ wafer) Oh my God, honey, put that back in your pocket! It's a sin not to eat it.

Z-Boy: But I'm not Catholic, so it's a sin for me TO eat it.

Z-Girl: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, just put it away before somebody sees it.

I don't know how he ever rid himself of the 'cookie' and I'm not sure I want to know. He was understandably aggravated with me for not letting him in on the secret rules and rituals of Catholicism.

I suck. It's official.


We were discussing this event recently.

Z-Boy: Honey, remember when I put the cookie in my pocket at your brother's wedding?

Z-Girl: Heh. Yeah. And when you tried to give it to me outside of the church?

Z-Boy: I should of tossed it on the church lawn. It would have been kind of funny to see some old lady clutching her chest and screaming, "Oh dear God, the Body of Christ is on the lawn!!!"

Z-Girl: *snorts* It would have, wouldn't it?

Z-Boy: Especially since, you know, it's really only a cookie.

15 Leg Humps:

Territorial said...

Attending a catholic wedding this weekend actually..Better wil be Ukrainian catholic so I won't even understand what is being said!

Must remember NOT to eat the cookie though. *wink*

wallofdenial said...

So what did he end up doing with "the body of christ" eating it anyway or what?

Minerva said...

Fed it to a lonely dog maybe? Come on Zube..tell us...


Phil said...

Okay, first the funny as shit bit. As I was reading this, and scrolled down towards the end, and read the "Honey, remember when . . ." part, the picture from the previous post was visible. You know, the one with the egg. And since I wasn't really looking at the picture, but reading the post, so my eyes only saw the pic in the periphery, and only kinda registered a circle with a face drawn on it, I all of a suddon thought "Holy shit! Not only did he keep it, and still has it, but he drew Christ's face on it!" And, well, needless to say, I started laughing.

Now, the more serious part. I'm amazed the priest didn't say anything during the Mass. For at least about the last, oh, 15 years or so, every Mass I've been to (which, admittedly, has been rare these last several years), the priest will announce just before Communion that any non-Catholics are welcome to come up the line & receive a blessing, while Catholics can receive the Body & Blood. Maybe that's just a west coast thing . . .

Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Amy said...

LOL - that is pretty funny. My cousin was raised Baptist then her dad decided to become a mormon... then when she was 17 she left the whole mormon thing and went back to being a Baptist or something. Anyway, one Christmas she attended a Catholic Mass with her boyfriend, being very nervous she was trying to fit in and managed to bow her head into a candle and set most of her bangs on fire. :o)

junebee said...

I'll be forewarned and forearmed. I usually take the "When in Rome..." approach at religious functions.

Tessa said...

I'm embarrased to admit, if I was your guy in that situation, the intense curiousity would have led me to... uh...

sneek a tiny taste.


For shame.

Storm said...

maybe it's just me, but the whole idea of eating the body of Christ kinda weirds me out.

Having said that, I'm with tessa. I would've snuck a taste.

mothergoosemouse said...

That's it. Zube Boy and Kyle would totally get along. They wouldn't even need to drink any beer.

Barbara said...

What do you do if you're really hungry and you're not Catholic?

txsm said...

LMAO! Your story reminded me of one that happened to me right after I got my braces when I was 12. We went to mass on sunday and Mom had us go take communion. I didn't get any wine as when I got up there, there was no more, so I was stuck having to wait for it to 'dissolve', you know what I mean. While we were sitting waiting for the ushers to finish the collection, I was picking at my braces. My mom got on to me, "Quit doing that in church!" I answered, "But mom, I've got Christ stuck in my braces!" Yeah, I got in trouble for that one.....hee...

eV said...

OMG... that is hilarious!

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Just throwing the bait out there for getting loony comments, aren't you? :)

I went to catholic school and am not Catholic, so i never got to do the whole mass thing, even though I had to sit through it every week. The curiosity was INTENSE, so once when told to sit in the priest's/principal's office quietly (don't ask), I snooped around and found a cookie and ate it. I am now officially going to hell for a cookie that didn't even taste that great- now if it had been Pecan Sandies...

Zube Girl said...

Terri~ I'm glad I could forewarn you!

wallofdenial and Minerva- I think he ate it. He won't tell me, but he once made mention of the "nasty church cookies."

Phil- I almost died when I read the part about Christ's face on the cookie. Hee hee.

And I'm also surprised the priest didn't say anything about it. He should have known there would be non-Catholics there.

Amy- I would have been mortified! Poor girl!

Junebee- I'm glad to have been of some public benefit!

Tessa and Storm- Seriously, it is SO nasty! Ew. Like, sticks to the roof of your mouth nasty.

Mother Goosemouse- Heh. We'll have to make that happen. :-)

Barbara- Bring a snack. Seriously. The cookie is gross and not at all filling.

TXSM- Hahahahaha! That was perfect.

eV- Thanks!

Bonanza- Aren't they gross? Really, it's like after you taste it, you regret ever being curious.

The Six of Us said...

Actually, non-Catholics can receive the Body of Christ. It's perfectly fine and not sinful. As a Catholic (and Catehcism teacher) I too always thought non-Catholics could not partake. However, I recently attended a Catholic wedding (my brother's) where the priest invited everyone, Catholic or not, to receive the Host. He made a point of letting everyone know that it was A-okay. ;) So, I highly doubt Zube Boy will go to hell if he ate it. LOL

To Bonanza...unless you found the "cookie" in the Tabernacle (which wouldn't be in someone's office) or in a fancy gold, round, "box", then you probably didn't eat a consecrated Host and all is well. LOL If they were in a drawer in a plastic bag then they were just plain old wafers. ;)


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