Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Where the Cum Gets Dumped, and Then Some

-Yesterday, I was reading this post by Chickie and decided to have some fun of my own throwing screaming and terrified eggs into the garbage disposal.

Thank you Chickie. It was fun.

-During a few summers while I was in college, I worked on a paint crew. It was a fucking blast and we were all raunchy and shit and got into rubber band fights and I would go home with red welts all over my legs. But, so would the other guy. I loved it. Anyway, one day we were, well, painting, I'd imagine, and trying to figure out the worst insult possible for a girl we didn't like. Cum dumpster was what we came up with. I love it. And it doesn't even have the word fuck in it. But it's just so wrong.

-Yesterday I stormed around the house hissing and screaming, "What is WRONG with you people?!?!?! I mean CATS! Shut up!"

-Sometimes, I'll just be sitting here at the computer and I'll glance around at all of the felines. Like right now. And all three of them are giving me the old stink eye. In moments like this, I feel the teeniest bit crazy.

-I had a panic attack several years ago. I was driving home from work during rush hour and all of the sudden I started hearing video game music in my head and I felt like all of the the other cars were trying to hit me, and that I should hit them back. I stopped at the next exit until the attack passed. Somehow I made it there without ramming into any other cars.

-I don't have a fucking clue what a Podcast is. The only pods I know of are in my closet where I'm cultivating gnome-eating pod-people to protect my home and the size of my pants.

-Somebody said to me once, "Did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary?" I said, "Wow. That's weird. I wonder why not." They said, "Fucking-A, Zube, you ARE fucking gullible." I said, "Fuck you."

17 Leg Humps:

Miss Ann Thrope said...

hey! I call my cats *you people* too. I thought I was odd, wait..not that you're odd or anything ~ahem~ Score for the fast recovery.

I don't know what poscast is either.

Will you be my mommy?

Chickie said...

Hahahahaha! I love your egg face! I'll be posting one tomorrow for my HNT pic. I told you it feels great to toss those little fuckers in there!

The worst insult I've ever heard "cum gargling gutter slut". My husband and his sister use it to describe people they despise. I'm the picture of bad taste but it makes me wince when I hear them say it.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Cum dumpster?? THAT ROCKS. I am SO using that, probably within the next 24 hours. I have a feeling it will be directed at some snooty salesgirl while I shop- just a feeling.

I love the egg. Terror is so apparent on it's face- I can almost feel the emotion pouring out of your photo! :)

txsm said...

In high school we used, "Slut Puppy" and "Whore Dog"....yeah, I know...small texas town.

Love the egg.....I have to admit, this morning while fixing the kids breakfast before school, I found myself sacrificing an egg to the disposal god....hee...hee...well, more than thought I had lost it...then they each had to try...yeah, we had too much fun this morning....shit, now I got to go buy more! Thanks Chickie!

zazzafooky said...

I'm so going to go try the egg thing! - hysterical :-)

Amy said...

ROTFLOL - cum dumpster is the BOMB!! I am so going to steal... er... borrow that one. Love it, love it, love it!!
Stupid Fuckstick has been my fave lately... but I think I am switching to cum dumpster!!!

The egg thing... that is so strange because one year my mom was in an incredibly stressful situation and dropped a few eggs on the floor... she swore it was the greatest release ever.

Long story short... I get it and I can't help but let out an evil giggle every time one hits the floor.

Courtney said...

Derek has the WORST dirty insults. His favorites? Regurgitated sperm bubble and quivering cunt muscle.

Yup. Good times.

Loved the egg. :)

Storm said...

so what's worse? All three kitties giving you the evil eye, or all three wanting on your lap at the same time?

I used the gullible trick on Steve once. I told him his little dictionary sucked because there were words missing (like gullible). It was hysterical, but afterwards I felt a teensy bit bad.

Zube Girl said...

Miss Ann Thrope- They're like people, just SNEAKIER. Fuckers.

Chickie- I'm SO glad you gave me that idea! And the eggs were old. I had to get rid of them some way.

Bonanza- Isn't it awesomeness? I hope you get to call SOMEONE that. But, since you want to use the term 'cum dumpster' everyone will probably be nice to you. I hate that shit.

TXSM- I think Chickie has started a trend. :-)

TJ- I think I might start writing my worries on them and doing it. That's show 'em.

Amy- I never before realized the healing power of breaking eggs. It's wonderful.

Courtney- When I get home, I'm calling Zube Boy a quivering cunt muscle. HA!

Storm- The gullible trick is SO mean! You should feel bad. ;-) Well, maybe not because it's fucking funny, too. In a mean sort of way.

justdawn said...

ROFLMFAO!!! I am LOVING the cum dumpster thing...I might have to use that sometime;)

I lvoe posts like these...great one, Zube!

Crazy Lady said...

My best nasty name to call a girl, and I only save it for the very worst...
sperm belching gutter snipe.

lysie6211 said...

Fucking Cunt usually does the trick for me when I want to make a point. But Cum Dumpster works great too! I like Amy's Stupid Fuckstick too...I'm going to call someone that tomorrow I think...

junebee said...

What's scary is I talk to the Branch and Blossom using the same terms of endearment and voice that I use to talk to the cats.

I think a podcast is what you put on your i-pod when it's broken...

I had panic attacks but never ones where I hear music. That would rock!

Cum Dumpster is destined for the slang dictionary.

Jen said...

Do you do the voices for the cats too. My husband and I talk to our dogs all the time, and then we do their voices talking back to us. A little insane, yes, but thats what makes us special, right?

mothergoosemouse said...

I usually say fuckhead. And I hope you're the one who submitted these definitions to Urban Dictionary...

I cracked up about the gnome-eating pod-people. May I borrow one?

mothergoosemouse said...

And Jen, my cousin does that with her dogs and cat - she has different voices for each of them, and sometimes she will talk to me, and sometimes it's one of her pets. I have learned to tell them apart, kind of like Sybil.

kyknoord said...

Now if you'd said, "Fuck you, cum dumpster", you'd have been the clear winner.


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