Friday, January 27, 2006

Old Habits Die Hard

I have a bad habit of humping things I love. Or, okay, TALKING about humping things I love. At first I thought it was just a phase. A phase I was so OBVIOUSLY in the throes of a few weeks ago. But it has returned with a vengeance, which leads me to believe it's more of a habit. Or at least a cyclic phase. Or some shit like that. Anyway, enough with the preamble.

Yesterday I arrived home from work to find Zube Boy beaming. Mine keen ears did immediately detect a whirrrring sound, not unlike that of a hair dryer. I gasped.

Z-Boy: Honey, do you know what today is?


Z-Boy: It's R-R-R-ROOMBA Day!

Those were rolling R's in case you were wondering. Zube Boy and I have been anticipating Roomba Day ALL. WEEK. LONG. In fact, Wednesday night we were lying in bed, which is when most of our interesting conversations happen, and Zube Boy said, "Honey, you know what tomorrow is, right?" "ROOMBA DAY! I think I'm going to leave work early."

Geez. We're kind of losers, huh? Fuck it. I embrace my loserness. You should be a loser like me. Get a Roomba. Like RIGHT-FUCKING-NOW! Here, I'll make it easy for you. Go ahead. I'll wait.

You back? Okay. Seriously though? I want to hump this thing. Over and over and over again! Love. It rocks. Not ONLY does it clean under furniture and in corners and around table legs, but it FREAKS the living crap out of the Z-animals!!! HAHAHAHAHA! Useful AND entertaining. You must have one.

Zoey is the only cat brave enough to get near it. She stalks it all feline-like until it bumps into a wall and turns around and CHASES HER!!! Which causes her to run in place all cartoon style until she finally gets momentum and goes careening across the wood floors and crashes face first into a wall. And you all know how much I love that shit.

I feel as though I finally have SOMEONE in the house who appreciates the fact that I have more important queenly duties to attend to than vacuuming. Like right now? I'm attending to a queenly duty. AND? MY HOUSE IS BEING VACUUMED!!!

Brad was probably like, "What the fuck are they doing in there?" last night what with all of the "R-R-R-ROOMBA! Ay-ay-ay!" yelling going on. I bet the neighbors think we're kinky. I'm wondering if that cute little kid from down the street will still be allowed to come to our house and sell us wrapping paper and shit.

Before I went to bed, I could barely contain myself.

Z-Girl: *sniff* Honey?

Z-Boy: What?

Z-Girl: I LOVE my Roomba. Like REALLY love it.

Z-Boy: Aw. Do you want to bring it to bed?

Z-Girl: A little.

Z-Boy: Okay.

Z-Girl: Wow. You'd let me do that?

Z-Boy: Sure. As long as it doesn't get the middle.

Z-Girl: I'll take the middle. You're the best.

The moral of the story is: Even if you already have one love in your life, there is always Roomba for another.

Heh. That was bad. Real bad. Even for me. I'd better go wash out my mouth with soap. Or my fingertips.

Edited to add...If you're fond of crying and snorting all in one sitting, please read this. Sars is ALWAYS good for a hardy-har and her experience with her Roomba and cats is no exception.

14 Leg Humps:

melissa said...

I will definitely have to look into that! I'm buying a digital camera tomorrow, so I'll have to save up for a bit...

: ) I don't think there's anything wrong with getting excited that something else is vacuuming your house. Now if you could only train it to climb the shower wall and pick up those hairs...

Samantha said...

I would LOVE to have one of those, but I just cannot bring myself to spend $240 for a vacuum, no matter how cool!

Anonymous said...

We have had our roomba about a year now and I still love it. Wish that I could teach it to wash the clothes! The cats were sooo funny trying to run and hide at first. Now they just ignore it. Darn. Half the fun was watching their scared little asses trying to find a safe place to hide.

Chickie said...

Neato. The Roomba sounds like a useful pet that you don't have to feed and that cleans up after itself.

You should tie a cat to it.

Phil said...

Hehe. I'm waiting for Zube's reaction when the "girl humping vaccuum in bed" searches start coming here.

I hate vaccumming, too. But like Samantha, I'm not going to spend $240 on a vaccuum cleaner, no matter how cool. Plus, between Duncan, all his toys (that he has never learned to put away), plus all the clutter I tend to generate, an automatic vaccuum cleaner would have a bit too much trouble in my household.

Echoes in a Nomad's Head

junebee said...

I bet whoever invented Roomba hated cats.

I was never an early adopter. I'm waiting for the price to come down. And what about the dirt it picks up? Do you have to clean that out somehow? Does it get all the pet fur off the carpet?

koed said...

I was reading this when an old SNL episode was on. They had a commercial for the "woomba" cleaner. Tina Fey said, "It's a robot. And it cleans your business. Your female business." And at the end..."Woomba. The little pink robot that cleans your nuni." Great. Now I'm torn between the two. Damnit.

Crazy Lady said...

I never thought I would say this: I have Roomba envy.

Lisa said...

aw MAN! I would SO hump a Roomba if I had one...

Anonymous said...

OK, you've convinced me that I *must* have one for the new house.

I showed it to Hubby and he agrees!

Now all I need is a cat... tee hee.

Rich | Championable said...

Dude. In what was a major marital conflict, a Roomba was rejected by my beloved. Alas.

Tessa said...

"The moral of the story is: Even if you already have one love in your life, there is always Roomba for another."

That, my friend, was AWESOME. AWE-SOME. I can guarantee I'll be thinking of this post and that line all day.

Unknown said...

I want one now, do you have the newer deluxe model?

lysie6211 said...

My sister and mother are looking to get one once they finish putting the hardwood floors in. I'll tell them that you love yours. I was skeptical that it would do the job, but if your ready to hump it, then it must work wonders. (Plus I can't wait to terrorize the pets with it!) LOL!!


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