Monday, March 13, 2006

Counting Down

Ring-Ring

Z-Girl: Hi honey.

Z-Boy: Hey. Where are you?

Z-Girl: Home.

Z-Boy: What happened?

Z-Girl: My counts went down and they should've doubled.

Z-Boy: I'm sorry.

Z-Girl: Eh, it's okay.

Z-Boy: So, did they say what we do next?

Z-Girl: Well, I scheduled an appointment for a fertility consult next Monday...

Z-Boy: Okay.

Z-Girl: ...And it's with the same doctor who saw me before, and he's probably going to say that we need to get our chromosomes tested. I'm afraid that's going to be REALLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

Z-Boy: Why do you think that?

Z-Girl: Because when he talked about it before he warned me that it'd be expensive.

Z-Boy: Oh.

Z-Girl: And you know if a doctor is telling you it'll be expensive, well, it's probably REAL expensive.

Z-Boy: Yeah.

Z-Girl: But, you know, I think our chromosomes should get along and shit. I really do. I mean, well, actually, let me think about this...Maybe, on second thought...

Z-Boy: Heh.

Z-Girl: Mine are probably all WOO-HOO careening down my fallopian tube all rock and roll style...

Z-Boy: I bet they're nuts...

Z-Girl: And yours are all mellow and practical looking at mine like they're freaks or something...

Z-Boy: Heh.

Z-Girl: And then they get together and stare at each other all, uh, what the fuck kind of human are we supposed to make of this mess???

Z-Boy: Okay honey. Take it easy...

Z-Girl: Yeah, I think I might've gotten a little carried away there for a minute. Well, I'll see you after work.

Z-Boy: Okay. I love you.

Z-Girl: I love you, too.

Z-Boy: Bye.

Z-Girl: Bye.

Anywho, now you know the dirt. Thank you ALL for the prayers and vibes and thoughts. Sincerely. Reading your comments made ME feel loved, and that means a hell of a lot right now.

I hope the above conversation doesn't have you all thinking that I don't care about the turn of events here. I do. I really, really do. In fact, when I STOP caring about ANYTHING, I'll probably be dead. Because I seem to care too much about a lot of different shit. It's just that, really, what the hell else are you gonna say? I mean, shit, I actually giggled for a few minutes, and since I've been either sobbing or on the verge of tears all damn weekend, the laughter was a welcome respite. And, if I ever stop laughing? I'll probably be dead, too.

I care and I laugh. That's me.

Oh, and I cry, too. And I think I might just go do some of that now.

Thank you again for being the rocking readers and commenters that you are. I may take a hiatus from blogging. Feel free to e-mail me if you like. I'm never one to shy away from exploring dark shit, but most of the dark shit I explore is WAY, WAY back in the Dark Ages of Zubedom, and I've pretty much got my feelings on it sorted out. This, however, is very fresh, and I feel like some things are best left to culture in a petri dish for a bit before being tossed under the microscope for all to see. You know?

Who knows how I'll feel about it tomorrow, though. I may not want to take a hiatus. I may want to whip out the damn microscope and share the culturing. Really, I'll do whatever I damn well please. I don't want to commit either way. I guess I've got some commitment issues going on. Much like my offspring, it would seem.

29 Leg Humps:

The Book Fiend said...

I'm real sorry. There's not much else anyone can say when this kind of shit happens. Let's hope that the chromo's can get along & that next time the little b*gger will stick around. I'll be keping everything crossed for you guys.

Nicky said...

Nothing I can say will make you feel better but I just want you to know that you were in my thoughts and I am sending positive vibes your way. You are lucky that you and ZubeBoy care for each other so much.

Territorial said...

I am so sorry Zube. Just offering a cyber hug and know we've got your back if you want to cry, laugh, scream, throw hard objects at wall..whatever.

RisibleGirl said...

Awww Zube, I'm so sorry. If you want to take a break, I'm sure everyone understands. I'll miss you horribly though, but really do understand.

I'm still sending my good vibes your way, just because I can.

xoxo

Samantha said...

Oh, I just wish I could hug you right now. Zube Boy better be hugging you lots!

junebee said...

Yeah, what Terri-torial said. And then some.

I will have to look up chromosome testing, I am not familiar with it but it sounds interesting.

Storm said...

oh, babe. I'm so sorry. It's just not fair. I was really hoping that this time would be the one.

Yeah, I'm still sending good vibes your way. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

Phil said...

So we all go to the trouble of wrapping up our hopes & prayers & good vibes in pretty little packages and Stinky blew 'em all off. Pffft. He wasn't worthy of having Zube parents, then. Seriously, I'm super sorry to hear, Zube. Was really hoping that the lack of posting yesterday & this morning meant good news. And yeah, if you feel the need to take a break, do it. We may miss you, but we'll all totally understand. But also know that if you need a cyber-shoulder to cry on, there's plenty of us that'll offer ours.

Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Lisa said...

hey Zube, no pressure, okay? We'll see you when we see you. But in the mean time, you'll still be in my prayers!

Chickie said...

Just, damn. Hugs to you!

Anduin said...

I left a comment on your previous post and now I see that it isn't there. It does that sometimes. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I was pulling for you and sending hopes and prayers. I'm sorry this one didn't work out. Don't lose hope.

Spookie the Warrior said...

Sorry Zube, I only read your posts today cause I was away and I got all excited for you when I read about stinky, but then I read your last post and my heart just broke for you. I am sending lots of hugs and prayers and vibes to you. I have not stopped praying for you. Take your time and do whatever you need to do - I will miss you too, but I understand.
(This is "Just Me" btw - I changed my signing name..)

Spider Walk said...

(((((Hugs))))
I am so sorry Zube. You do whatever you feel like doing. I will be thinking of you and ZB.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Not to load you down with my own tale (AGAIN), but when I went to the doctor and found out about my little one, they told me there was very little chamce I would actually have her because my counts were too low and were dropping. As you know, she's 7 now, so the counts can just kiss BOTH of our asses.

All I'm saying is that the number doesn't necessarily mean everything. Hopefully.

Hang in there, honey. I'll give you a call tonight.

Vic said...

It seems so lame to say things like "Hang in there" and "You'll make it through this." I'm sorry. I wish I had more. You deserve better. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers - really.

Rich | Championable said...

vibe.

justdawn said...

Awwwww, Zube...I am hoping for a miracle for you and Little Stinky. I know that there are no words to make you feel better, but you have the support of all of your internet friends...and there are a LOT of us. I still have not given up hope...

lysie6211 said...

Your like me...when things are shit I always try to make something funny out of it because if I don't laugh I will have a nervous fucking breakdown.

Hang in there Zube!! *hugs*

PaintingChef said...

Hugs. Love. More Hugs. Chocolate Brownies. And the rest of it. I love you to bits and pieces. Let me know if I can do anything.

Amy said...

Damn. I was just playing catch up. I'm so, so sorry. It's not fair at all. Sending you hugs and loads of happy fertility vibes.

Lindy said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers, Zube. Bless you.

Crazy Like A Fox said...

I'm so sorry that you are going through all this. No one could ever think that you don't care. Sometimes you have to be able to laugh about things in order to deal with it. I hope that you will get some good news soon.

Kylei said...

I am so sorry honey-

Khali said...

There is hope! If not for this one, then the next one. I'm sending good vibes your way too!!

Plunky said...

Oh god, I am so sorry. Sending prayers up for ya!

Courtney said...

I'm so sorry, Zube. I'll continue to keep my fingers crossed for you guys.

Al said...

I'll be firing off some positive energy in your direction. Girl, take care.

justdawn said...

Miss you, Z-Girl...I hope that everything is OK...

mothergoosemouse said...

Zube, I'm so sorry. I will read regardless of what you post. Nothing is TMI for me.

Have you read some of the blogs out there that chronicle fertility battles, like Chez Miscarriage, A Little Pregnant, and amalah? Might provide some entertainment from those who really understand. My friend Jess is also struggling - she's on my blogroll as Fancypants.

And if you'd prefer just to not think about it, I understand. Anytime you want to drop by, I'll have an ear, a shoulder, and a beer waiting for you.

 

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