Z-Girl: Hi honey.
Z-Boy: Hey. Where are you?
Z-Boy: What happened?
Z-Girl: My counts went down and they should've doubled.
Z-Boy: I'm sorry.
Z-Girl: Eh, it's okay.
Z-Boy: So, did they say what we do next?
Z-Girl: Well, I scheduled an appointment for a fertility consult next Monday...
Z-Girl: ...And it's with the same doctor who saw me before, and he's probably going to say that we need to get our chromosomes tested. I'm afraid that's going to be REALLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE.
Z-Boy: Why do you think that?
Z-Girl: Because when he talked about it before he warned me that it'd be expensive.
Z-Girl: And you know if a doctor is telling you it'll be expensive, well, it's probably REAL expensive.
Z-Girl: But, you know, I think our chromosomes should get along and shit. I really do. I mean, well, actually, let me think about this...Maybe, on second thought...
Z-Girl: Mine are probably all WOO-HOO careening down my fallopian tube all rock and roll style...
Z-Boy: I bet they're nuts...
Z-Girl: And yours are all mellow and practical looking at mine like they're freaks or something...
Z-Girl: And then they get together and stare at each other all, uh, what the fuck kind of human are we supposed to make of this mess???
Z-Boy: Okay honey. Take it easy...
Z-Girl: Yeah, I think I might've gotten a little carried away there for a minute. Well, I'll see you after work.
Z-Boy: Okay. I love you.
Z-Girl: I love you, too.
Anywho, now you know the dirt. Thank you ALL for the prayers and vibes and thoughts. Sincerely. Reading your comments made ME feel loved, and that means a hell of a lot right now.
I hope the above conversation doesn't have you all thinking that I don't care about the turn of events here. I do. I really, really do. In fact, when I STOP caring about ANYTHING, I'll probably be dead. Because I seem to care too much about a lot of different shit. It's just that, really, what the hell else are you gonna say? I mean, shit, I actually giggled for a few minutes, and since I've been either sobbing or on the verge of tears all damn weekend, the laughter was a welcome respite. And, if I ever stop laughing? I'll probably be dead, too.
I care and I laugh. That's me.
Oh, and I cry, too. And I think I might just go do some of that now.
Thank you again for being the rocking readers and commenters that you are. I may take a hiatus from blogging. Feel free to e-mail me if you like. I'm never one to shy away from exploring dark shit, but most of the dark shit I explore is WAY, WAY back in the Dark Ages of Zubedom, and I've pretty much got my feelings on it sorted out. This, however, is very fresh, and I feel like some things are best left to culture in a petri dish for a bit before being tossed under the microscope for all to see. You know?
Who knows how I'll feel about it tomorrow, though. I may not want to take a hiatus. I may want to whip out the damn microscope and share the culturing. Really, I'll do whatever I damn well please. I don't want to commit either way. I guess I've got some commitment issues going on. Much like my offspring, it would seem.
Monday, March 13, 2006