Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Paper Skirts and Pissy Chromosomes

Last week, I went to the doctor to confirm that I was indeed not knocked up anymore. I don't think they quite knew what to do with me.

The doctor, who was an ABSOLUTE sweetheart of a guy, decided to do an ultrasound to see if he could see anything. He was not convinced by my declaration that I'd had a miscarriage. I guess I can't really blame him because lots of women probably freak the fuck out when they're pregnant and see any blood. I knew, but I played along because to be honest, I was hoping against all hope that maybe I was wrong.

So anyway, he hands me a paper skirt, and says that he'll be back in a few minutes. I knew what to do.

Upon his return he said, "Are you all set?"

"Yes. So long as you promise not to make fun of me because my husband folded the laundry and as a result I am wearing one gray sock, and one black sock."

"Heh. I won't make fun. Actually, that happened to someone else on Monday."

But, guess what? I lied. Zube Boy didn't fold the laundry. I did. It was my fault that I was wearing socks that didn't match. The thing is, I figured if I had to be the one wearing a paper skirt, Zube Boy could most certainly take the blame for my appalling foot fashion.

*note to self - When and if you get knocked up again, invest in some really cute socks for doctor visits*

After the ultrasound, where nothing was seen by the way, he decided I should have a blood test to check my hormone levels. I fucking HATE needles. Hate. Like, hate with the passion of a thousand, uh, needles. AAAH! Anyway, the nurse is sticking a needle in my arm and telling me to relax, and I'm putting forth such effort to relax that I'm shaking.

I say, "Can you believe that I'm terrified of needles, yet I think I'm qualified to squeeze a kid out my cootch?"

"Heh. That's different. I promise."

To conclude, I was right. Hormone levels dropped all the way to zero in the span of two days.

What happens now is that the next time I find out I'm pregnant, I am to call the office and tell them I'm high risk for miscarriage (fun, eh?) and they'll have me come in and moniter my hormone levels to assure they're doing what they're supposed to.

If I have another miscarriage, goddess forbid, the doc recommended that we have our choromosomes tested because, from what I could gleen of what he said, our chromosomes might not be compatible. Did you ever hear of such a thing? That's some crazy shit right there. I'm not going to believe it, because I don't think it's possible for two people who are cool as shit to have chromosomes that don't get along.

19 Leg Humps:

PaintingChef said...

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I have to do the same thing though so I understand.

Also? I blame EVERYTHING on Patrick so no worries, its alright to do!

Zube said...

PaintingChef- Isn't that what husband's are for? :-)

Thank you. At least I'm in wicked cool company.

lysie6211 said...

I have heard of peoples chromosomes not getting along. Totally f-ed up weird shit. And yes you are in good company. Hopefully you two will get knocked up real soon and then we can hear you bitch about being moms. (I meant that in the nicest way! *hugs*)

Kjersten said...

Not compatible at the cellular level, crazy. I am seriously considering taking Greg into the doctor with me (like tomorrow) to make sure we can have kids.

I'm sorry you had to go through all those tests. Hopefully this'll be the last time. I'm rooting for you :)

Anonymous said...

I hope you were wearing boots of some kind that covered the socks the rest of the day. :) And I TOTALLY blame stuff on the husband when he's not around to defend himself (or dispute), and the funny thing is, everyone ALWAYS believes it.

I'm sure somehwre in there, there are chromosomes that will meet each other and fall in love, just like you guys did. So far, you've probably just sent ones that have only the bickering thing down. It's not like you guys only have one set to pick from, right?

OK, that was sorry, but I was trying. :)

Keep your head up, and we'll be thinking about you and sending good thoughts and wishes.

t~ said...

i wanted to comment to say something nice and make you feel just a little bit chipper; but, i don't know, i'm just not good at that shit and don't want to sound patronizing.

So i hope that what bonanza said made you chuckle just a little.

All i can do is send you warm wishes and more of those really tight hugs that make you gasp for air, but i mean them all sincerely...

junebee said...

I have never heard about incompatible chromasomes. I was not aware it could be a problem.

I bet Zube-Boy blames you for a whole BUNCH of things when you're not around.

Good luck and we're keeping our fingers crossed.

Zube said...

Lysie- Oh, I will happily bitch my little heart out. :-)

Kjersten- Thanks for rooting for me! :-) I'll take all the rooting I can get.

Bonanza- THAT'S IT! Now I just have to will my nice chromosomes out.

T~ Thank you. Those hugs are the best. :-)

Zube said...

Junebee- Oh, I'm sure he does!

Anonymous said...

Unless it snows where you are, I would forego the socks on ANY doctor visit...how about slides or thongs? You never know when the little toe is going to the cause.

Seriously, you are a rock!

Got your message and wiggle my nose at you.

Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

Years ago, I had a friend who was in labor and called to tell me she'd need a ride to the hospital in an hour. AN HOUR? She said, "Yeah, I have to paint my toenails and shave my legs and stuff." HOW she did it with the belly and the contractions, I'll never know, but sure as shit, she put on that gown and there were some perky little pink toenails and even two toe rings. Some people have strange priorities.

Maybe the two of you need chromosome counseling. Sit your genes down and make them work things out, talk about their fears and such. All this time we've been blaming your uterus. Poor uterus. Tell Zube Boy to kiss it so it feels better. Okay, that visual was just scary. Sorry.

Who'd have thought that your genes could betray you like that? Good luck. And sorry about the needles. Tell them to let you lay down and make them use a butterfly needle! Tell them I said so. I know people! Don't make me call in a favor!

Anonymous said...

Actually, I know a teensy-bit about the "incompatible chromosomes" bit. It is actually that they are too similar, not too different, or that is the case with my cousin.

She had four miscarriages before they determined that she and her husband have very similar genetic makeup. She started taking shots (sorry, more needles!) and was able to keep the next pregnancy.

Like you, the problem wasn't getting pregant, it was staying pregnant.

Once they knew the shots to give her, she was fine. The baby was born full term. He is now two. They then had another baby this past May. There were no problems with the second, because they knew what to do with the shots and such (and she was monitored carefully.)


Wenchy said...

I am sorry about the miscarriage.

Zube said...

Librarian- I love scary visuals. And I read a pregnancy book that said while your pregnant, you should definitely use the money you save not going to happy hour to get pedicures, because of the extra attention your feet will get. Or, you'd like to pretend it's your feet getting the attention.

Kari- Thank you! It makes a little more sense now. I'm envisioning our chromosomes going, "Oh my Gawd, you are so annoying. You're just like me! Go away!" I'm glad to know that it is resolvable, though.

Zube said...

Wenchy- Thank you. Me, too. :-) Being able to hash it out here and read all of the supportive comments does help me tremendously.

Kell said...

I'm so sorry. It's a horrid thing to go through, But here's some hope - my parents had mismatched chromosomes & were told they couldn't have kids together. Guess what? I have a sister too - so it's definitely possible. Don't give up hope.

Best of luck.

Amy said...

Josie Bisset (sp.) and Rob Estes (the hot guy from that old show "Silk Stalkings" on USA) had that problem and she had a few miscarriages... (saw this while I couldn't sleep and watched "Intimate Portrait" on Lifetime) anyway I guess she had to be injected with some of HIS DNA so that her body would accept the new fetal person instead of trying to get rid of it because of the foreign DNA (or something like that anyway).

See... I'm a fountain of useless and trivial information.

Wishing you tons of fertility luck!

FYI - cute socks at American Eagle www.ae.com - very funky and ever so Zube like!

Julie Marsh said...

ZG, I hope the shots and the monitoring do the trick. And I used to make sure my toenails were painted before I visited my doc, because she was really really cute.

Zube said...

Leo- SHIT! I left you out! I'm sorry. :-) Thank you.

Kell- I LOVE hearing success stories. Thanks for stopping by!

Amy- I'm all over those cute socks. And as I told Kell, all of these success stories are making my day. Really.

Mother Goosemouse- Hee. I know I'm going to do the same thing!


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