Thursday, August 24, 2006

Guys and Girls. Boys and Girls. Girls and Boys. And Guys.

So, there’s this guy. Named Guy. I met him when I was 21. He lived out here in Breckenridge and I met him while he was in Jersey visiting his Mom. We hung out. We were in ‘like’ with each other and stuff. After our first meeting, I visited him in Breckenridge a few times and we’d hang out whenever he was in Jersey visiting his family. When I turned 24, I got all 'Fuck Jersey' and up and moved to Breckenridge. Presumably to date Guy, but mostly because I wanted to get the fuck out of Jersey. Our 'Not on Vacation'/'Real Life' romance did not last long. About a month. We broke up. It was cool. Well, I mean, there were not cool moments. Like, when I sort of plastered his car with maxi pads in a fit of anger one night. But I called him up a couple of days later and told him I had done it. And he said, “You’re crazy.” Then he chuckled. And I said, “I know! But you suck.” Then I chuckled.

Anyway, I started dating Zube Boy a little less than a year later.

A little less than a year ago, I was like, “Huh? Looks like we have new neighbors.” And indeed we did. New neighbors. Across the street. Neighbors. You might see where this is going because that big round thing up on your neck is not just a hat rack, after all. The neighbor was Guy. Guy and his gal. Not, in fact, named Gal.

So now, my ex-boyfriend lives across the street. With his girlfriend. We say hi. It's all good. Well, most of the time anyway.

Whenever Zube Boy and I get into a tiff, he'll prance around the house shouting, “Why don’t you go across the streeeeeet and visit with you LUUUUUUUUUUUVER!”

Or, we’ll be working on the deck and he’ll go, “Honey! Look! It’s your lover over there building a fence.”

The other day he asked me, “How many lucky guys do you know that can say their wife’s ex-boyfriend lives across the street from them?” Hm. No answer.

Yesterday, we had this discussion:

Z-Boy: So, your LUUUUUUVER was riding his bike down the street the other day.

Z-Girl: Mmmmhmmm.

Z-Boy: And he stopped in front of me while I was working on my jeep.

Z-Girl: Yeah.

Z-Boy: And he said, “So, how does it feel to know that I mushroom stamped your wife?”

Z-Girl: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Shut up. You’re insane.

You know, I don't think we'll be moving anytime soon. Our current living situation provides FAR too humorous fodder.

26 Leg Humps:

Bonanza Jellybean said...

Wow... I get to be first. Glad to see there's another non-jealous husand out there. If my ex-boyfriends moved across the street, they'd have to build a subdivision...

Miss Cellania said...

You are lucky he takes it so well. My last husband made me regret ever being honest about my past.

Psychobabble said...

~snigger~

Effortlessly Average said...

Oh I'd have a BALL if one of my wife's ex's moved in across the street. I'd have to tease her that I was going to go over there to compare notes or that she must have been with him when I called and she didn't answer the phone. Oooo, it would be priceless!

Effortlessly Average said...

Oh I'd have a BALL if one of my wife's ex's moved in across the street. I'd have to tease her that I was going to go over there to compare notes or that she must have been with him when I called and she didn't answer the phone. Oooo, it would be priceless!

Amy said...

Oh good grief... thank GOD I don't even know where ANY of my exes are. Mike would tease me mercilessly.

Kylei said...

ohh no he did not. hahah

Chickie said...

Sweety is a fan of this kind of picking also. He LOVES going on vacation in the summer, back around my old stomping grounds. It makes for lots of fun conversations.

Fidget said...

i have a friend who's 30 something weeks pregnant. A month ago a new doctor joined her OB practice... he is in fact the guy she used to "practice" with in college. yeah.. old fuck buddy's gotta dig around in her vag while her husband looks on... she hasnt told her husband yet and has been sacrificing goats all in hopes of him not being on call the day she goes into labor

junebee said...

No shit! What are the odds of that happening?

Well, at least he wasn't your tenant! Then I am sure Zubeboy would have endless jokes on how the rent was going to be paid each month!

Deb said...

I love your blog. This is a great post. This is the reason why everyone should have a blog, you don't have to be a good writer (but yes, you Zube girl are) you just have to have great moments in life to blog about!!! Well I guess that means that you must "have it all" Zube girl! Have a great day

Phil said...

I am so glad I finished my drink well before reading this post. But it still startled the shit out of Duncan when I burst out laughing. lol

Phil
Echoes in a Nomad's Head

Al said...

That's priceless. This mushroom stamp stuff is funny shit!

wallofdenial said...

gladd to see you are starting to feel better

Crazy Lady said...

My ex-boyfriend ended up running into my brother (in another state) and now they are buddies and hang out all the time. My husband finds it hysterical that I send hand-me-downs to the ex-boyfriends kids. But then he has 6 of them now. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't marry that one.

Gary said...

Ok Zube, you have finally left me speechless. Mushroom stamped? :)

justdawn said...

It's a small world, eh?!?

Rich | Championable said...

Honestly, I wouldn't be able to handle it... unless the dude was like, 3'6" and 280lbs and smelled like moldy vegetables.

But then again, I'd be like: "Do *I* smell like moldy vegetables?"

Happy Villain said...

Okay, what's the equivalent of mushroom stamping a guy with female parts? How would we do this so that it didn't look like a kiss? We could boobie-slap them, but they'd probably like that. We could grab their head and smoosh it into our breast. Like I said, they'd probably like that, though there might be an element of pride associated with my nipple indentation/brand on the forehead of my man... hmmm...

Nipple dimples have the same ring as a mushroom stamp?

PaintingChef said...

See, this is one of the reasons that I love your husband a little.

princessdominique said...

That is funny. He's a good sport!

rachel said...

i'm with happy villain on the whole booby slap thing, to be honest I cant see the lure of being mushroom stamped, what the *^$k is going on with the world

justdawn said...

I miss you, Zube...I hope that all is well in your little world:)

Kylei said...

I was actually just coming in to say the exact same thing only I was planning on being witty by saying I hope all is well in you Zubedom - no mater how its said you are missed and were all hopping you are well.

KRistin Fogle said...

That is hysterical. Totally something we would do at our house!

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