Sunday, September 11, 2005


I have been horrendously negligent of the CAWOW! Series. Apologies for that. Last edition's word was quite difficult. I managed to use it. In my head anyway. You just can't CALL a woman pulchritudinous. Out loud, at least. Unless you hate her. And if you hate her, why in the fuck would you want to pay her such a fine compliment?

Thanks Dutch Oven (Bonanza Jellybean's sidekick) for presenting the challenge, though. It was fun to imagine actually calling a woman that.

There was a wedding at my work, and as the bride passed the front desk on her way to the ceremony, I seriously gasped and thought immediately, "Oh my GAWD, she looks pulchritudinous." I told her, though, that she looked beautiful. What can I say? I like getting paid, and I figured that 15 minutes before she was to exchange vows with the lucky fellow was not the right time to be tearfully explaining that, "It IS a compliment, I SWEAR!!! Wait here, I'll go get a dictionary..." Anywho, she wore an elegant dress that neither made her boobs all squoosh up under her chin, nor squeezed her chest so tight as to cause a serious case of quadri-boob.

Have you ever seen quadri-boob? It's fucking weird and I wouldn't have believed it was possible until I saw it firsthand. Typically the guilty garment is a strapless dress and it rests right above the victim's nipples. Did I say rest? That's not really what I meant. There is not much resting going on as the dress actually seems to be clinging for fucking dear life, seemingly aware of the importance of its job of keeping the nipples from popping out during the 'I do's' and such. Anyway, this clinging has the affect of creating another line, not too different from that of the cleavage, horizontally across both breasts. Magically, there appear to be four boobs. Crazy shit.

It's sad how some brides seem to think the point of wearing a wedding dress is to be able to smell their tits without bending their neck. Either that, or I'm misunderstanding, and they don't really want to get married and are hoping to suffocate themselves in their cleavage. Who can know for sure? Or maybe I'm just jealous because I could never have a case of quadri-boob. Any attempt at it would be met with its not so sexually flattering opposite: completely flat-ass boob.

What the hell was I saying? Ah yes. The CAWOW! Pulchritudinous...pulchritudinous...Aha! There was the pulchritudinous lady...Ah nevermind. I was too busy picking up Zube Boy's jaw and hurrying him to the ice cream aisle to comment on her pulchritudinousness. Heh.

This week's word was suggested by Junebee.

propitious- adj.
1. presenting favorable conditions
2. favorably inclined; kindly

Thanks chica! And, a gentle reminder...I NEED SOME MORE FREAKIN' SUGGESTIONS BITCHES! Huh? Oh yeah, subtlety is SO not my middle name. ZUBE is, and don't you fucking forget it!

Well, I'm off like a prom dress. Or, uh, not my prom dress. How about, I'm off like that freaking ho-bag's prom dress who sucked face with MY date ALL FUCKING NIGHT while her date leered at me and I found twenty million ways to cross my legs and avoid eye contact. "Holy shit! Did we just pass a, uh, something...anything that will make you stop staring at me FUCKER?! Look, it's a fucking McDonald's!!! You look like you like McDonald's."

I mean, is it just me, or is leering at a girl whose prom date just ditched her for one of your limo mates not the most propitious of situations to hope at getting your hands up her dress. Humph.

14 Leg Humps:

mothergoosemouse said...

OK, you are really killing me now. I think this one needs to go in the "Favorite Entries" list, because it's certainly one of my favorites.

Dutch Oven said...

I have spent the last hour ruminating your quandary for the quest of new linguistical knowledge. My thoughts were floating daintily somewhere in the Azores archipelago . . . Of fuck this, I had a Brain Fart of enormous magnitude. Bonanza even had to help me spell archipelago. In keeping with "P" words, I propose the following:

Propagate – verb

There are many definitions for it, but my favorite is

- to make a change that causes events downstream to change

I actually use this word many times a week in my work, so I know it’s very useful. If I decide to eat a big burrito instead of a salad like I did Friday, my decision will propagate downstream to my bowels effectively expelling the proper gases that evening. Just ask Bonanza.


Bonanza Jellybean said...

And I actually chose this man to help me propagate the species...

For a "P" word, I like "panache," since us fabulous chicks all have it.

Phil said...

Hmmm . . . I wonder how that'd work as a pick-up line. "Excuse me, miss, but might I say you're looking quite pulchritudinous this evening." Either it'll be a slam dunk, or I'll get slam dunked, wouldn't you say? Probably at least won't be any less successfull than my usual leering. :)


kyknoord said...

"Quadri-boobs"! LOL. I wonder if I can rig my underwear to give myself a four-pack?

junebee said...

Another look is the uniboob, or "speed bump" effect. This occurs from wearing sports bras. Both boobs get lumped together, sans cleavage, resembling the speed bump in a suburban neighborhood. This is often a problem for large-busted women, including this writer. The problem is, I'm too cheap to pay alot for sports bras since I wear them nearly every day. Supposedly the more expensive ones can remedy the uniboob condition...

Kjersten said...

How about exigent?

Requiring immediate action or remedy, or requiring much effort or expense; demanding.

Bonanza Jellybean said...

How about "fuck"?

Not because we need it defined, but because we should all use it as much as possible. :)

t~ said...

lol alright everyone! you all are the greatest! between zube's hilarious post and the comments, this is a great entry!

And completely flat ass boobs... well, you just decribed me! :)

Bonanza Jellybean said...

I forgot... I don't get quadri-boob in those things- I get folded boob, which is quite unattractive and uncomfortable. Hence my desire for a boob job.

Zube Girl said...

Mother Goosemouse- It shall be done! I actually had fun with this, and sometimes the CAWOWS! annoy me because they are so confining, so I started off writing it all, "Do I haaaaave to??? Wah!" Thanks!

Dutch Oven- Ah! Propogate. I like that one! You rock. We'll see what next week will bring. And yeah, burritos do that to me, too.

Bonanza- We SO have panache! And, I dig fuck, too. That would be fun for one week when I'm feeling ultra sassy. :-)

Phil- I would certainly not reccommend trying it!

Kyknoord- If so, let me know. Maybe for Halloween, Zube Boy and I can be the Octo-twins.

Junebee- Heh. That's too funny. Sometimes I envy large breasted women. And sometimes not. Uniboob. Hee.

Kjersten- Thanks for the suggestion. THAT is a cool word.

T~ We have so much in common. Or so little. Heh.

Bonanza- Hmmm. Folded boob. I am imagining this. Hizzah to the boob jobs! Hee.

Erika said...

why do all the best damn words end in ous? I mean, there's noxious, vacuous, inconspicuous...The list never ends. Here's to ous!

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