CAWOW!

I have been horrendously negligent of the CAWOW! Series. Apologies for that. Last edition's word was quite difficult. I managed to use it. In my head anyway. You just can't CALL a woman pulchritudinous. Out loud, at least. Unless you hate her. And if you hate her, why in the fuck would you want to pay her such a fine compliment?

Thanks Dutch Oven (Bonanza Jellybean's sidekick) for presenting the challenge, though. It was fun to imagine actually calling a woman that.

There was a wedding at my work, and as the bride passed the front desk on her way to the ceremony, I seriously gasped and thought immediately, "Oh my GAWD, she looks pulchritudinous." I told her, though, that she looked beautiful. What can I say? I like getting paid, and I figured that 15 minutes before she was to exchange vows with the lucky fellow was not the right time to be tearfully explaining that, "It IS a compliment, I SWEAR!!! Wait here, I'll go get a dictionary..." Anywho, she wore an elegant dress that neither made her boobs all squoosh up under her chin, nor squeezed her chest so tight as to cause a serious case of quadri-boob.

Have you ever seen quadri-boob? It's fucking weird and I wouldn't have believed it was possible until I saw it firsthand. Typically the guilty garment is a strapless dress and it rests right above the victim's nipples. Did I say rest? That's not really what I meant. There is not much resting going on as the dress actually seems to be clinging for fucking dear life, seemingly aware of the importance of its job of keeping the nipples from popping out during the 'I do's' and such. Anyway, this clinging has the affect of creating another line, not too different from that of the cleavage, horizontally across both breasts. Magically, there appear to be four boobs. Crazy shit.

It's sad how some brides seem to think the point of wearing a wedding dress is to be able to smell their tits without bending their neck. Either that, or I'm misunderstanding, and they don't really want to get married and are hoping to suffocate themselves in their cleavage. Who can know for sure? Or maybe I'm just jealous because I could never have a case of quadri-boob. Any attempt at it would be met with its not so sexually flattering opposite: completely flat-ass boob.

What the hell was I saying? Ah yes. The CAWOW! Pulchritudinous...pulchritudinous...Aha! There was the pulchritudinous lady...Ah nevermind. I was too busy picking up Zube Boy's jaw and hurrying him to the ice cream aisle to comment on her pulchritudinousness. Heh.

This week's word was suggested by Junebee.

propitious- adj.
1. presenting favorable conditions
2. favorably inclined; kindly

Thanks chica! And, a gentle reminder...I NEED SOME MORE FREAKIN' SUGGESTIONS BITCHES! Huh? Oh yeah, subtlety is SO not my middle name. ZUBE is, and don't you fucking forget it!

Well, I'm off like a prom dress. Or, uh, not my prom dress. How about, I'm off like that freaking ho-bag's prom dress who sucked face with MY date ALL FUCKING NIGHT while her date leered at me and I found twenty million ways to cross my legs and avoid eye contact. "Holy shit! Did we just pass a, uh, something...anything that will make you stop staring at me FUCKER?! Look, it's a fucking McDonald's!!! You look like you like McDonald's."

I mean, is it just me, or is leering at a girl whose prom date just ditched her for one of your limo mates not the most propitious of situations to hope at getting your hands up her dress. Humph.